Men vs. Women: What We’re Taught About Money 💸 #MoneyForCouples

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[Nicci]

I was taught, by MY DAD, to operate from 2 purses. One is mine and the other is the households. My dad even made sure my mum had 2 purses.

[CourtneyRC]

my mother works for a bank and her number one advice is NEVER have a single joint account. ALWAYS have your own account with at least a little savings. no matter your gender, you have no idea is the person you trust will betray you. the amount of times she has to deal with people whos joint accounts were fully drained by the spouse is insane

[englandforever]

My mum always said to have your own money no matter what. I listened.

[kathleenisabella]

this is why i’d never be a SAHM, as much as i think i’d love it. the worst part about betrayal is never comes from an enemy, those who hurt us most are often those were closest to

[emelie]

They claim it's the "natural" roles, but we used to be part of communities where one was never alone in their role as provider or childcare

[TheTrueKarin]

Was raised by my grandparents - Even so they had a loving marriage and were together since Highschool it was very important for them to teach me that lesson „Get good grades. Get a good degree. Get work experience and for gods sake don‘t mix finance.

If you decide to do it other please be aware of the risk.“

[Eageag]

Bottom line - money is power. It just is. You need financial resources to both live and succeed. To me, it’s very unwise to not have your own power.

[alyssabrowne]

You can’t trust someone not to leave you. That’s not a thing. That expectation is useless. People change. Their desires change. Their feelings change.

[cb-akp]

one of the reasons women collected jewellery back in the day was because many women weren’t allowed to have their own bank accounts before the 60s and 70s in most places (either due to laws, discrimination or abuse) so if they had to leave or run away, they could take their jewellery and still have something to sell and get money quickly…

edit because some people are being purposefully pernickety to obfuscate the point: first of all, places outside the US exist. just because something was true for the states, doesn’t mean it was the case everywhere. secondly, within the US, even when women were allowed to open bank accounts on paper, banks heavily discriminated against them, making it extremely difficult to do so without a father or husband’s approval. pointing out that some women did have bank accounts prior to that point in history is an attempt to distract from the fact that rampant discrimination made it impossible for millions. on top of that, many women were kept from opening bank accounts by their controlling fathers or husbands. rant over.

[jcwarner]

This is why all of my SAHM friends who used to be nurses keep their Continuing Education courses up to date and pay their licensing fees every year. You never want to be in a position where you cant make your own money if you need to.

[itexplodes]

Being the provider means having financial power over the other person. Not being able to leave an abusive marriage because you cant afford it is a very common problem for married women

[Pirintblts]

Have your own money, your own education, your own friends, your own time, your own life

then invite him/her and all their own things into it, not replace.

[atiqahdiyana]

My dad didn't understand that my mother's (she was a housewife), savings were meant to be an emergency cushion in the event of his death or even their divorce. He called her selfish for not giving him some of it for his business. Something she did initially on the promise that he'd pay her back. But when she asked him about it, she was again accused of being greedy with her own family when, again, that saving was there for emergencies that related to the family. He has called her a gold digger and accused her of only loving him for his money. Ignoring how he has bled her dry.

Edit: It is mindboggling to me that some people in the replies:-
1) miss the part that the savings are, as I have mentioned twice, EMERGENCY money. Eg, if my father lost his job, if he got sick, if he died, if one of us got sick, etc. Money that is not supposed to be touched. Which is something even financial analysts would agree and encourage.

2) think that the housewife does not deserve to have money for herself as an for being the housewife (which IS a job) for looking after the house, the kids, the chores, etc, when the husband is working. Even if the one staying at home was the father he would have deserved the same. Even my father has admitted that my mother takes care of the house better than most other housewives because she keeps our home immaculate. If there was a lightbulb that needed changing my father would never know because she'd have fixed it before he got home.

[nanonano.beepbeep]

That man wouldn't buy me sanitary napkins if I didn't do or act the way he wanted. NEVER again! I got me and mine.

[LiteraryLDawn]

People ask why my husband and I share expenses but don’t mix/intertwine our finances - I just say “Gisele Pelicot.” You can think you are happily married for decades but never know when you need to get out. The majority of men in my biological family financially abused their wives as well…while I adore my husband and I truly believe I picked a good one, I just feel like you never know in our society

[KAMcantcommunicate]

For two reasons.

1. Women were taught traditionally to not question a man on finance. So if he loses his job, you are not to ask about money, nor are you allowed to take a job in some cases. Your secret stash allows you to continue running the household.

2. It's easy to be financially abused when you don't make income or don't make enough to leave. The stash helps with anything from needs that were denied out of spite, leaving an abusive partner, or being able to afford a divorce lawyer if he cuts you off as he starts the divorce process

[cloverazar]

The best advice my mother ever gave me: “if you marry for money, you’ll work your whole life.”
I’m a 36 year old female first gen immigrant, and I own my home, in my name. I’d rather chew glass than ever give that up

[paunaic]

You don't have to have a "secret account". It is YOUR account, how ever much you save, details and management is nobody's business. You save in case of wanting to buy something nice to yourself, to give to your family or friends in special occassions, and in case of emergency or accidents, as you never know how life will fuck you over if you're not prepared. Always be ready to fend for yourself no matter how many relatives or loved ones you have, you were born alone and will die alone.

[Mimi-ddwh]

" just in case" money saved so many women and kids from starvation, homelessness, the providers have no idea.

[theswitch]

I wouldn’t even call this “prepping for the worst”. Assuming you’re married, all expenses and income should be shared and talked about. But if you can’t agree, it’s always nice to say “well I’ll just buy it myself”. Doesn’t affect the budget or the relationship