African parents and parenting - BBC Africa

Some African parents on moving to the UK discover that attitudes towards disciplining your children is very different.

Using physical forms of punishment, such as spanking or caning, is more common in many African countries.

However in the UK raising your child in this way can result in social services getting involved, and the children potentially being fostered away from their parents.

Several BBC Africa journalists recount their experiences of childhood discipline to The Comb podcast.

Produced by Kim Chakanetsa
Edited by Mark Sedgwick

#parenting #africanparents #bbcafrica

[omakiki]

It is only in Africa where we would normalise the extreme caning of a child, even in schools. I would say it is abuse. To an extent you can spank a child or give them punishment. But you see African parents they would beat you mercilessly like they are not your own child. And alot of them need therapy. I have seen cases where some parents would leave markings on their childrens bodies, for what exactly? And then come outside and be claiming "best parent". Ive seen alot of children who weren't spanked mercilessly or injured and they still turn out fine. We Africans need a serious mentality change. And I am in total support of social services getting involved abroad. Maybe that will teach them a very big lesson. It is ABNORMAL! And also a generational curse we need to start breaking because at the end of the day a child will do what they want to do. If you can't sit down and talk to your child like a normal human being about what they have done wrong and try to find out why they did such. You are not parenting right.

[ritaaura]

I would never parent my child how my strict Ghanaian parents raised me. Some African parents do too much but that also a huge part of why many of us are or becoming successful.

[emaquist]

I was raised by a single mother and an entire village of her relatives. I have been beaten and cuddled, talked up and punished. It was wholesome, filled with love, faith and a genuine "lesson" that my actions have results, positive or negative, and whatever the result, it was my responsibility to deal with them. "Take it like a woman" my mother used to say... best childhood ever! I wouldn't change a thing. It made me self aware very quickly, aware of my actions and inactions and made me a more responsive adult today. Would I beat or threaten my kids? I don't know, but I hope to be half as good as I got it😅

[rukykuky]

Times have changed and beating has proven the least effective ways to discipline kids in the long run. Instead of disciplining them, beating makes them susceptible to enduring violence and in the end, they just get used to the pain and even become numb from it as opposed to learning why they shouldn't misbehave in the way they did.

[globalcitizen]

All I heard was toxic parenting that is predicated on instilling fear in children. Grew up in such a set up but am disappointed we think that's love and it should be ok. So many adults now look back and realise there is so much to unlearn from how they were brought up.

[justinamusyoka]

Parenting in Africa should be viewed from three perspectives, before colonization, during colonization and after colonization.Africans consciousness was hugely affected by conquests and slavery.

[the_psyfo]

This was good parenting though there’s a thin line between parenting and being violent. We were taught to be attentive, obedient and self aware. Takes a village to raise a child

[gladysonyango]

"The look!" most African kids have experienced the look in one form or another it stops you on your tracks. I swear African parents are the same everywhere! 😂😂 Am Kenyan and I relate to all this. I was meant to understand that the disciplining was out of love and care and I see it now, much love to our very African parents and all their ways

[mgithaiga]

My parents didn't allow me to date I was told there was no time for such things and I was supposed to be studying

[ThePomskysPalace]

My father used to say his mother would make him stand on his knees on rocks with all his books in his hand. Every morning he’d be late for school to drink coffee. My parents were very fearful of the US culture and the law, so my parents were very different raising me in the US compared to their upbringing in Ethiopia. I find I am much stricter with my children. My father says I am similar to his mom. I am stern, demand respect, but my teenage son and I also have an awesome
Friendship. Strict Discipline though stops for me at a certain age for me and has to transition somewhat into communication and openness. Yes expectations and respect should still be present because that’s how their upbringing was but being too strict in todays culture will push our kids away and into the arms of others for support or too scared to ask for help. Parenting is so different in the US and not the good better. I wish I had the support of an entire Ethiopian community to help me with child rearing, it is no joke!

[joe_lubinda]

I knew ma'am was Kenyan before she said it 😂😂 I was born in Zambia and it's wild how similar our cultures are. My mother used to give me "the look" and she'd whip my ass for misbehaving! I'm 22 and I'm still scared of her 😂

[oluakinwale]

I was beaten at school and so did my father, my mother rarely did. The discipline helped to shape who l am today. My father is no longer on earth but l love him to bits.

[kimaninjoroge]

We were beaten senseless at school and at home😅😅😅

[alicegauteng]

I was raised by both my parents and my grandmother. Although my father never beat me I was scared of him. As the brother from Ghana said the threat of discipline was enough to scare me. My mother was a soft spoken sweet woman. She did spank me a few times. And she will tell me why I deserved it. Its important to point out though that I never doubted their love for me. And I turned out well❤✊🏾
May they rest in glory🙏🏾❤

[medusagorgon]

I never hit my children, or threatened to hit them, but from a very early age I let them know (verbally), that acting out was not an option. I was lucky, they both got it, even though they are very different people. As they grew I just had to remind them a few times. I am not a yeller, so when I did have to speak sharply to them they felt it. As I get to the point of the matter. I know they are not afraid of me, but they do respect me. They do not always agree with what I say, so I allow them to voice their thoughts. If with reflection I see they have a better solution I go with their suggestion. But sometimes I have to stick to the original plan or thought. They may not be pleased but they go with what I have said. This way of parenting will not work for every child/home obviously. Some kids definitely need a different method.

[donosawaru]

Are you a parent still raising young children?

It's worth listening since you don't normally ask for feedback from our children.

All the best.

[joshuadala]

And if you talk to them about this they will deny it and call it disrespectful

[generalblack]

This is why the average African people have discipline and manners but we can be rude though I can't lie.

[AR-djyw]

Narcissistic abuse is the norm parenting style in Africa

[debbie]

Lol the first sentence was relatable….