HOW TO HELP AGING PARENTS MAKE DECISIONS - important conversations

Why is it so hard to talk to an aging parent about change? How can you influence elderly parents to make changes that you know will make them safer? Sometimes, they dig their heels in and won't even have a discussion with you. When aging parents refuse help, you have to do everything you can to get them to agree to needed changes. They could be refusing to get help in the home, or refusing to move to an assisted living, stop driving or downsizing their home. Whatever it is, it just might be that it's YOU that's making them refuse to change! Yes, the way that you approach these important conversations with older adults can greatly influence their willingness to talk and eventually make a decision. In this video, I'll tell you the 6 things that you can change in the way that you approach these important conversations that will significantly help your aging parent come to a good and safe decision!

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[chrislim]

I'm going to be honest. Caregiving for a parent especially one you never got along with is the worst experience you can go through.

[Livetoeat]

With my mother, we approached it carefully by first stating, "I'm getting a little worried about a few areas of your home that might not be safe. I noticed you have a lot of rugs that I would like to remove so you don't trip over them, ..is that OK?" Also, "are you able to stand in the shower or would it be more comfortable if I got you a shower chair?" And lastly, "I noticed you're out of breath when you go in the kitchen and try to clean up or fix your lunch. Can I come over and fix your lunches for you and clean up or have someone come in once a day to do that for you?" These questions allow her to answer about things that she may not have even thought about, like the safety of rugs everywhere, or her not even noticing when she becomes winded caring for herself. It really helped start the conversations about our concerns.

[julianskinner]

Be cery sure that you are actually right and that the parent really needs to change.

[amyl.]

If your parents or parent is stubborn and refuses help, aide or advise I say: You choose the behavior you choose the consequence. (Like falling, etc.) They are old enough to know what's best and if they don't listen to reason, then why stress yourself over it? You live an you learn and that goes for all sides.

[geomora]

I'm so blessed for the parents god gave me. They aren't perfect and threw me into the wolves but idc I love them so much. This year i'm going to be thirty and everything is just hitting me so hard. Time is going by too quick. 365 days in a year?! Thats it!? It's not difficult talking to my parents but it's difficult telling them I'm going to miss them so so so so so much. Somehow i've learned to be nice to the wolves and they respect me but i don't love the wolves the same way. Once they are gone, what am i going to do? So i'm just going to cherish every moment hug them while i still can and just enjoy everything make them happy same way they made me happy. Thank you god.

[chriselliott]

Thank you very much for this video. I am currently in a situation with my parents need for care and how to go about getting them to be open to it. I will definitely use the wording and advice on how to stay calm and relaxed while having these terribly difficult discussions.

[EvolvingDee]

I absolutely LOVE this video. Thank you so much for sharing! ♥️

[KaupaKalihi]

Hey Sofia, I am going through all of this right now and i really appreciate your words of advice. I'm exactly right there trying to figure out how to get them in-home health services through insurance first, then through the state, and then what is left that would need to be paid for. My dad has already voiced his thoughts about everyone "forcing" things on him. I'm definitely going to try the "I...." sentences instead of "you". I'm hoping that gets me one conversation closer to my goal! To get them the assistance they need/want that I can't provide since i don't live near them anymore.

[SofiaAmirpoor]

Here are some supportive methods that will help you influence your aging parent so they can make those hard decisions about things like moving, getting help or giving up the car keys. If you're frustrated and feeling like your parent is unsafe in their current situation, but won't change, then this info is for you!

[judyholbrook]

Thank you so much. This is very helpful to us.

[thomasbayles]

This is definitely helpful to me Sofia. I promise myself every day that I'm not going to lose my patience and raise my voice at my dad. And I end up losing my temper more often than not. I ultimately end up not proud of myself for yelling and saying things that I shouldn't have said.

[readycworld]

Thank you so much for all your videos. They have been so helpful as we are transitioning to new caregiving responsibilities.

[isasant]

A geriatric doctor mentioned is best to think as family members when talking. Circumstances are different and is not always a “loved one” people have to deal with. In addition is not the children’s responsibility to come up with solving all. Is good to know the government agencies someone can find some sort of help.

[evelynmejia]

Very good advices unfortunately don’t work for everybody.

[Jennifr]

How can I alter your advice to explain to my mother WHY I'm living with her? I think it would be easier for both of us if she understood some GOOD reasons for my being here.
My husband and I moved in 5 years ago, when she made the decision reluctantly, so she wouldn't have to move out. But she'll tell me I need to find a different place to live. It made much better sense to live in her basement than to come here for her pills and meals 3 times a day plus providing transportation. I have willingly made sacrifices, but she doesn't recall for more than a few minutes.

Is there an easy way to alleviate her concerns?

[MH-ifhc]

Can you give me advice. About the elderly parents leaving with son and daughter-in-law they have 2 little kids. in mother’s life like to say bad words. Even when she is happy she thinks it cute to call bad words to the kids in stead of their name or when she gets angry . The son and the in low dose not like it and tell her to stop but she won’t stop. Now the kids start to talk back to her and to their friends at school. So make them argue and make them don’t want to leave together. What should the care giver do to this situation?

[Neanderthal_yardy]

I have concerns about setting up the required power of attorney. Will writing, setting up a trust, Heath care direction in the unlike circumstances they can not speak or fall into an coma. Jurisdiction outside of the USA, if someone get those parents to sign another power of attorney. Superseding the one established in the USA. Parents at the age where they can't drive or make decisions for themselves. Controlling those variable when your don't live in the same country. Alas scammers are everywhere, so they need to be protected from making
life altering decisions that they are not tech savvy enough to figure out on their own accord. Thanks in advance.