If You Love Them, Let Them Go

The saying goes, “If you love someone, let them go...if they come back, they’re yours forever, but if they don’t come back, they were never yours at all.” Is this saying ACTUALLY true?

Want 20% off your first month of your Save My Marriage membership?
Click the link and apply code "YOUTUBE" at checkout!

Learn HOW to get them back with our FREE Mini Course: 👇

A while back, Dr. Joe Beam saw a Facebook post where one man posted something similar. He said his wife “wants to be free” and because he loves his wife SO much, he will give her the divorce she wants- so she can go do whatever she wants to do. Many people supported this post with likes & comments. But here’s the thing... that’s NOT true love.

What could it be then? Well, it could be that he’s disguising the fact that he wanted out of the marriage, or wants to sound like the “hero.” Or maybe, he wanted the attention from his friends. While we can’t fully know his motivation, we do know that his post does NOT indicate real, true love.

What is true love? True love includes a COMMITMENT to the relationship. For example, in a loving relationship where you love the other person (and they love you back) will stand the test of time- staying committed through the ups and downs.

That is, when you’re in a “down” season of life, you can begin to want to make decisions based on what will make YOU happy (but come to find out later it was a bad decision).

Going back to our story about the Facebook post… if this man was committed to his wife, how could he actually say to her: “You can go. If you come back, you are mine forever, but if you don’t come back, you were never mine to begin with.” This is wrong.

In fact, his wife did say she loves him, so there must be something pulling her away… or something PUSHING her away. Either way, if he was committed, he would seek to find out what that is.

And, after finding out what the issue is, he needs to do whatever he can to pull her back into the relationship. For example, if she wants freedom because of something he’s doing- controlling her, not giving her affection, etc. it’s important for him to have an open and honest conversation to seek to repair these things.

Last of all, it’s important to get the right help. Friends and family care so much for you, so it’s almost impossible for them to give unbiased advice if emotions are involved. If you seek counsel through therapy, make sure the counselor is focused on putting the relationship back together (because some counselors do not have this goal).

On a recent survey conducted by Dr. Joe Beam, 25% of respondents said the marriage counselor recommended separation or divorce. We caution you with this, we want you to find someone who can actually help SOLVE the problems...not end your relationship.

Research carefully, to ensure that the therapist/counselor is in favor of saving the relationship, and will help you do things to make the relationship come together.

You can also call us! Our nonprofit, Marriage Helper, works with these situations every day. We would love to help! We have Online Courses, Marriage Coaching, and a 3 Day Workshop.

••••••••••••••••••••••••

Thank you for watching! Be sure to like, subscribe, share, and turn on notifications by clicking the bell!

0:00 Introduction
0:04 IF YOU LOVE THEM, LET THEM GO
2:22 ST PRINCIPLE: • TRUE LOVE ALWAYS INCLUDES COMMITMENT
2:35 BASIC COMPONENTS OF LOVE 1. INTIMACY
2:56 1. INTIMACY 2. PASSION 3. COMMITMENT
4:16 ND PRINCIPLE: • PULL GENTLY; DO NOT PUSH
5:46 IT'S ABOUT BECOMING THE BEST YOU
5:58 RD PRINCIPLE: • GET THE RIGHT HELP
7:22 AVOID "HELP" THAT HURTS THE RELATIONSHIP
8:14 CALL NOW 1 [phone]

[trijavirgo]

You can't fight for someone unless they're willing to get in the ring with you!

[brinselyseven]

I chose our marriage therapist based on the fact that his motto is, "I am not on her side, nor am I on his side. I am on the side of your marriage." I was sold : )

[shaishavgandhi]

You can only save someone who wants to be saved !

[kimmichaud]

Disagree completely chasing someone who doesn't want you leads to unending heartbreak

[OnderHassan]

I used to agree with this statement, but not anymore. It's got nothing to do with love and everything to do with Attraction. A person can love you and still choose to not come back because the attraction is no longer there. Love cannot exist without Attraction and Respect.

[josephsm]

When I let my wife go, I was because she was gone. No sense in holding onto something that don’t want to stay. I will always be there and willing to reconcile, however, it takes two to want a lifelong marriage. It takes two fighting side by side

[ivysoto]

But if u love someone and are willing to work on it and they dont love you back, no matter how much u believe in commitment u will never make that person want the same back. Sometimes people have to be apart from u to miss u and know what they lost. Free will applies especially to love

[taciadessaix]

.... So true. if he does not love you... let him go. it is no use keeping someone who does not love you. you will end both the loneliest .

[wyethhan]

It's so true...., Real love is delivererd with Genuine CONSISTENCY and for me, It is someone who Stays with you no matter what..!!

[jasonw]

Sometimes you have to let them go so you can grow. The commitment need to be both ways. Yes you should try and save your relationship but if you Keep pushing you will push them away lose your self worth. Practice self love and being the best person you can be and if you’ve doing that and the person doesn’t want you. It wasn’t ment to be. Stay strong ❤️

[jimamen]

I have been fighting for months to save my marriage as a standing partner. My spouse has told me she is seeking something more...I stayed with her, loved her, in spite of affairs, and in spite of not getting love in return...now I am letting her go find what or who she is looking for. I pray she finds what she seeks, meanwhile, I am going on with my life. I lost my best friend, my wife, but I cannot keep chasing her...I obviously can't give her the "more" that she is looking for, she is not even sure what she is looking for.

[eliasmcvilla]

If someone loves you they will never leave you no matter what happens

[RodneyD]

“If you love someone then let them go”
This statement is true pertaining to a dating relationship. However in a marriage relationship it’s not true. Especially if the marriage is worth fighting for.

[michaelg.]

If you love yourself let them go. There is nothing less meaningful and unattractive than somebody pursuing or chasing a loved one who broke off a relationship or doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you any longer. The best and only thing you can do if you still have loving feelings and hope that this person may eventually change their mind and want to come back, is to become the very best version of yourself and put yourself in a position where you love you again and willing to become the best person you know your capable of being. Physically mentally and spiritually you must transform your self into the best version of you. This will ultimately make you more attractive, self-confident, and just happier in general. Eventually you will get to the point that if that person doesn’t come back or still has no interest in you, then it won’t bother you as much knowing that you are the best version of who you possibly can be and you will start attracting new People into your life and new love interests. Then when you have time to reflect your wonder to yourself why you were so hung up on that person who didn’t ever really want you in the first place! What a waste of time! They never gave you a 2nd thought or had any concern toward you, so you just wasted valuable time you could’ve been working on being your better self.

[ToyLatrine]

This video has me crying my eyes out. We’re so shaky and on the verge of collapse and I would literally do anything to save my marriage and my family. I can’t even explain how these words in the video shot through my entire being.

[janethughes]

What is there to fight for if someone wants to leave? I love myself too much to beg someone to stay. Just go and don’t let door hit your rear!

[MrSwaggOn]

When they start talking to someone else more than you.... its time to go!

[mistuhe]

I'm not married but I've lost the best relationship I've ever had with the love of my life and I have been trying for 2 and a half months to get her back... people say I need to leave her alone and let it be and if it was meant to be it will but I really don't want to give up on her but I've tried everything and she's still not back in my life so right now I'm just leaving it all into the lord's hands🙏

[hotelpv]

If someone loves they will fight for you no matter what.

[manandhisdog]

The problem is, when u let them go many times, they mate quickly and when they find the grass is not greener, its burnt..Than they come back? No way..you leave, you leave for good