How to support a partner with ADHD!

[IvyroseGullwhacker]

One thing I learned through multiple roommates with ADHD:
If you need help with something in the house, ask them straight out and ask for it now. If you go "Heyyyy I could really use some help with these dishes...when you have time today?" the likelihood they will forget can be high. I've had so much better luck with "Hey, can you help me tackle these dishes?" Boom. Done.

[celestialwish]

One big thing for me is BODY DOUBLING.
When my roommates are at work? I can’t do shit. The second they’re sitting on the couch (in sight of the kitchen) I am a dishwashing MACHINE.
Sometimes people with ADHD just need other people to be there to motivate them to do things. ADHD paralysis is real. Sometimes when I’m sitting on the couch and want to do something but can’t move, I ask them, “Hey can you help me off the couch? I want to get this thing done but I can’t get up by myself.” And the second I’m up the ball gets rolling and I can keep going.
Don’t be afraid to ask the people around you for help and communicate your needs. If someone who cares about you can do something small to help you get things done, they’ll usually have no problem with helping you out.

[kikicogger]

One of my biggest tips is this: if your partner has found something that helps them function, and it doesn’t hurt them, yourself or others, just let them do it. Many ADHD strategies may look weird to someone without ADHD. For example, a partner may put their car keys on top of their lunch in the fridge to help them remember to grab their lunch. One big one for me is putting vegetables on the shelves usually designated for condiments so I remember they are there. If it’s not actively hurting you or your partner, don’t make them change it.

[whimsyrosie]

Researching about ADHD on your own is SUPER important. My husband didn't do that for the first few years of our relationship (he was really supportive in most other ways, and understood that having ADHD impacted but didn't realize that most of my issues were related to my ADHD), until something happened to him and I went out of my way to research stuff, and he realized just how meaningful and important that was to him. After that, he did a ton of research, and now goes out of his way to research things on his own without me asking. It means a lot and our relationship has gotten much better.

[HaileyWatson]

Ok so I'm gonna make a warning for this. I did this a yr ago when my bf and I first started dating. He was going thru a rough time and struggling with his ADHD so I started making notes in a special book, did research, and activities with him to help his wellbeing. It's working great to the point where I don't even need the book anymore I just know how to help. Here's where there was a problem. I noticed more and more "coincidences" about myself in the research and notes, and started doing btr as I did some activities with him. I got my final diagnostic appointment tm for ADHD and the last person who assessed me 3 weeks ago said he's 90% sure I got it. Excited to learn more about myself tm and all the specifics but it's funny it took me 21 yrs and a bf to connect the dots. So my warning is u might find out u also got ADHD by doing this.

[katem]

Idk if “so they know you’re not criticizing them” is the right way to put it. Criticism is by definition what is occurring when you correct something someone did or didn’t do. I would say “so they know you’re not rejecting them or saying something about who they are as a person and that you care about them” ❤ thank you for your content!

[Bernadette-vW]

Me toward husband: Hey, I see you didn't manage to do chore x, wanna do it together while we talk about (insert topic of the day). This works really while for us.

[Sleepyhead_Chrl]

As someone who’s had multiple relationships with people with adhd and is currently in one, people with adhd have so much energy and honestly even though they get very frustrated very easily, it’s easy to comfort them by just showing them love and support in every way possible, after that, they become happy, energetic and adorable again :)

[duckieradio]

I have ADHD and it got worse for me in middle school. This is also when my parents forced chores more. The dishwasher scenario and other like it happened all the time. Had many breakdown and it only got worse with my mom especially when I would have panic attacks or shutdown.

[theyluvem]

I wish this is how relationships worked in general. No one should enjoy getting yelled at. I'd love something like this 😊

[andysinger]

In my experience with rejection dysphoria, especially in a relationship, I'd say that open communication is key. Talking about what something might have made you feel like, helps your partner understand better what might inadvertently hurt you, and also yourself to realise what's constructive criticism, advice or anything else without subconsciously taking it as a rejection. It can be difficult but when you have people that care about you, it makes that prossess all the easier.

[literally_an_owl]

"Hey babe, I see you didn't do the dishes... YOU CLEAN I DRY WHOEVER FINISHES FIRST IS THE WINNER AND THE OTHER IS A ROTTEN EGG"
I would do the dishes in a heartbeat

[mmc]

I wish more family, friends, and partners would be proactive and respond like this. My life would be so much easier.

[xx_remi_xx]

I would just like to say that ur videos rly help me explain my adhd to ppl. they help remind me that others struggle with similar issues as me. I feel lost sometimes when it comes to how my ADHD affects me and how ppl perceive it so if my parents, sister, or friends don’t understand something it helps to send them ur videos to explain what I have trouble finding the right words for. So thx a lot

[marisanicole]

The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov is a great book as well! It starts out to be aimed at couples who are close to divorce, but I found the later chapters more relevant. Those chapters are great for anyone just wanting to know more about ADHD and how to best support one another in a relationship :)

[alicesonmannino]

"my adhd book" i felt that. except mine is just a torn out piece of paper with random lists and writings on it

[TRINITRN]

I feel like this is also just great advice for every relationship! Don’t criticize or belittle your partner people!

[TheEmbessyNetwork]

This just made me realize why my ex thinks I only clean up when shes in the room. Once I see her, i pop up to get things done but by myself, its impossible to move.

[jyjaeskz]

My best friends have been doing research about autism for me and I feel so happy about them trying to understand me better

[GanieGhani]

She’s done it again!!! Give Hayley an award already!!!