More Powerful Than Being Angry

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Executive Producer: Doctor Mike
Production Director and Editor: Dan Owens
Managing Editor and Producer: Sam Bowers
Editor and Designer: Caroline Weigum
Editor: Juan Carlos Zuniga

* Select photos/videos provided by Getty Images *

** The information in this video is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images, and information, contained in this video is for general information purposes only and does not replace a consultation with your own doctor/health professional **

[oliviacase]

I appreciate Dr. Mike staying silent throughout this portion of the interview. Allowing the interviewee to express their emotions and recount their lived experience without interruption is so important.

[SecondBrkfast]

Her dad was my seminary teacher in high school. He was a great man. Famous for always wearing scarfs even during Arizona summers. Miss you brother stirling

[necrommne]

I have cancer right now. I'm scared, I don't want to die young. But my parents are here for me, I can confirm that people being there for you gives you more hope, as sad as it can be.

[nikayu_]

I would never expect Lindsay Stirling on dr. Mike's podcast

[daniellebrissing]

I've said that cancer is the worst and not the worst in terms of death. My mother died in 2014 from cancer and she got to have some last moments with people, and last goodbyes, and tell each of her children and friends how much she loved them. It was awful and awesome at the same time. My husband's father, on the other hand, died of a heart attack. It was sudden and unexpected and no good byes were said and no "last" memories. I was lucky to get that time with my mom and it sucked and it was good. So complicated. But grateful is wonderful to describe some of the complicated and confusion of that time.

[alihall]

“Even stronger than being angry at what I was losing I was so grateful for what I had. That was an amazing father my whole life that taught me to love myself and to be free!” ❤

[TheDeadTheories]

This hit me hard. It’s so true. My mother is battling dementia, and as it progresses, I think back more and more to all the times we shared as a family good and bad. It’s the only way to cope and keep going.

[chondruk]

I like Dr. Mike that he is a good listener and respectful. It is important to listen to someone who is expressing their emotions and experiences with sympathy.

[villanessa]

Gratitude is pretty amazing once you find it. It's an amazing feeling.

[src]

Being taken slowly can be a blessing and a curse. My dad so died at 51, suddenly, of a massive heart attack. He was in his truck at a friend's house and she heard the horn blowing and saw him slumped over. No one got to say goodbye. We were all in shock. We just couldn't belive he was gone. I couldn't accept it until I saw him.

[Katie_the_Canadie]

Love that he’s such a good listener. Love that she had a great dad.

[MrLalocera]

My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 uterus cancer 2 years ago. She is the glue that has held us together and to hear the news was just devastating. Our whole world was turned upside down and has just been a constant battle.

[ChatWithAUnicorn]

Lost both of my parents to this demon, about a year and a half apart. This is a good reminder to me to cherish what i had. ❤

[Laura-qlmg]

After my mom died from cancer, it was hard to remember her other than sick for a few months after. That was such a deep and scary hurt because I was scared that's how I would always remember her. That time passed and now I can remember so many wonderful times with her and who she really was. It's devastating to watch someone you love deteriorate like that

[MissJellybean]

I lost my grandmother a week ago. She raised me and was the only person that ever loved me unconditionally until I met my husband. She's the one that made me the kind, compassionate, empathetic person that I am, but she also taught me to be extraordinarily tough and fiercely defend those that can't defend themselves. I am caught between gratitude and grief. I imagine this will be my state for the rest of my life. Hug your loved ones and let them know how much they mean to you everyday, that's one of the things I'm grateful for that I was able to do. She knew how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. I told her everyday.

[tracyparadisev]

I'm crying right now! This really hit home for me. My Dad is battling lung cancer😢

[Mckinley-mick]

This is beautiful, she's so blessed to have had such an amazing father ❤

[Bruce-mmuc]

Being grateful is stronger than being angry. In this situation is an extremely powerful statement.

[CheekieCharlie]

I love how quietly respectful you are, dr. Mike, youre holding eye contact and you clearly are being supportive enough, especially with your facial expression that she feels safe just speaking her hurt and grief. Youre an amazing man.

[KitsuyuutsuR]

I had a friend who passed away from cancer. She was a year younger than me and, when she was in her last few weeks, I couldn’t bring myself to go see her. I wanted to remember the Mary she was, not the one dying of cancer. I wrote her a letter instead that another friend took to her. They all understood; I don’t take death well. I was also angry and upset that she didn’t try more treatment, not accepting that it would have only been palliative care. Her death hit me so hard… Only a month later, we learned my mother-in-law was diagnosed terminal (liver cancer) and had a year at most. It was watching her go through her battle, talking with her about what choice she should make about palliative care, that I understood why Mary made the choice she did. I wasn’t angry and hurt anymore. I spent the next year helping my husband and my kids to spend time with her when we went to visit instead of just going off to other parts of the house to avoid facing what was going on. Towards the end, I was helping to care for her when my father-in-law needed help. The last night I saw her, my father-in-law called to ask if I could come change her as she had gone after the hospice nurse left and he couldn’t do it. I said I could (I used to be a CNA in a nursing home) but I would need help because she’d become so frail and she was in so much pain, I didn’t want to hurt her. Neither my father-in-law nor my husband were willing to help me. My sister, who’s a nurse practitioner and lived close, was my best bet. I called her and she didn’t hesitate. She helped me change my mother-in-law, took care of getting her more comfortable (her one arm had been in a sling due to pain but my sister felt it was all wrong and fixed it, which seemed to help) and she used some aromatherapy oils on her to help relax her. It really helped a lot. Before we left, I told her I loved her and that it was okay to let go, I’d look after pop… She passed away in the middle of the night, exactly one year after she was given a year at most and on the day that, just a few days before, I’d gotten this eerie feeling out of nowhere that she was going to pass on that day. It was sad, but in some ways it was also a relief. It’s horrible to sit and watch someone slowly die, knowing there’s nothing you can do to stop it. You feel so damn helpless… It may sound cruel to say it’s a relief when they pass, but it is. They’re relieved of their suffering and you’re relieved of yours, that feeling of helplessness. Thankfully my father-in-law had suffered multiple heart attacks and it was that final one that did him in. He was on some form of support at the very end, so we all had a chance to say our goodbyes. He was alert and lucid. But we didn’t watch him wither like my mother-in-law. And to be honest, I didn’t fight him when he gave up. I know why… He missed his wife and wanted to go be with her. ❤