Some frustrating things during foster care placement calls

Have any of these moments happened to you during a placement call?

I know that workers often have difficult limitations, a ton of red tape, and many times find themselves in impossible situations. I wish there was more time, more resources, and better processes and policies to better match families with kids.

What other things frustrate you during these calls? Is your county doing anything to help with this process? I’ve heard of some promising changes happening in some states that are focusing more resources in finding better matched homes.

And with that, case workers, is there anything foster parents could do differently to better support this process?

Please share in the comments below ⬇️

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[ameliainva]

Those poor kids and they are trying to be as vague as possible to send the kids to the next foster home. What a mess.

[bri]

I hate when they do this… they should just be honest and say, “We actually aren’t going to let you talk to the current foster parent, because we don’t want them to convince you not to take the children in… even though we most likely contributed to the failure of this placement by placing five children going through the most difficult thing they’ve ever experienced into a home with foster parents that weren’t given the necessary training to be able to successfully handle such a difficult situation. And it probably only made things worse that we didn’t give them the extra ongoing help and support that they would need when supporting five traumatized foster children. So we really can’t have you talking to them, because we don’t want them to warn you. Sooo, are you in?”

[Gamdursol]

You know, my mother used to place kids in foster homes (not emergency placements), and you wouldn’t believe how much full disclosure she did. Not everyone was like her, and she missed out on a couple of foster homes who did get scared off, but none of the kids she placed had to be moved to a different foster home

[reeceturner]

hey... bit random, but I'm an ex foster kid, and I just wanted to say thanks on behalf of all the children's lives you have DEFINITELY made so so much easier. my foster carers were, to put it mildly. evil. locks on the fridge and pantry, bedroom door removed, I wasn't even allowed to wear tampons and had to be medically examined to confirm I wasn't lieing about getting my period. I wish I had someone like you and I'm grateful so many kids will get a good experience because of you

[sarahkwast]

I helped my parents with fostering over 40 kids, medically fragile newborns and several up to age 6. The FIRST question I would ask is if there are any behavioral issues between the kids. Was there any abuse that they are acting out on each other. Unfortunately we have seen sibling groups that had to be split up for their own well being. Some birth parents are sick and the kids need to be split up in order to stop recurring unhealthy behaviors between them.

If they were neglected, with no abuse or behavior issues between them, I would try to keep them together if at all possible. Often times the older sibling(s) become the caregivers of the younger sibling(s) and seperating them causes a LOT of anxiety and stress. They need to SEE that an adult is able to care for their siblings as well as they do.

We had the youngest two (aged 5 and 3) of a group of five. The other three (9, 8, and 6) were in separate houses, but we had regular sibling visits. The older ones did have to be separated because of behavioral issues, but they still needed to know their younger siblings were safe and healthy.
Keeping sibling groups together is wonderful, but only if it is safe and healthy for all of them.

[aliyyahbeckman]

I've been almost exactly one of these kids, the eldest of five, none of us were moved for behavior but good God was it hard for them to get us together. Being separated from my siblings, who I felt it was my job to care for, was probably the most traumatizing thing I've gone through. The foster parents who took us in, in pairs or all together, for the most part were absolute saints. You're doing amazingly work spreading the reality of being a foster parent or foster child dealing with this horrendously managed system. Your videos make me feel so seen and reinforce my passion to foster

[mluna]

This reminds me of something from my life. There's a teenager I'll call J who used to frequent a community center I went to. J's mom was unable to care for him and his two very little sisters, so they ended up being placed into foster care. The department didn't even try to place J with his sisters. J was initially placed far away from where he had grown up and was very unhappy. S, a worker from the community center, went through the process to foster J so that he could go back to his former school and live near his friends again. J is now almost 18 and still lives with S. J's sisters were placed with a wealthy family that ended up adopting them. J practically raised these two little girls and, from what S has told me, J wanted to apply for custody once he turned 18. Now that his sisters have been adopted, not only can J not apply for custody, but he'll have no legal right to keep seeing his sisters once he turns 18 (he can only visit if the adoptive parents allow it). That's messed up.

[livingroomtelevision]

My adopted children are part of a large family separated in order to find homes for everyone. We were not told about any of the siblings for a few years.

[cwarts]

This is so sad. I WISH I had the temperament for children. I would foster families in a heartbeat. I have all the love, but I also know I have a temper (and a small home) and it would absolutely not be fair to them. So much respect for those that can, and do.

[zacgallenlover]

Commenting again, but my grandfather was in foster care. He was the second oldest and oldest boy of 5. Him and his older sister went one place and the younger siblings another. It was a source of great pain and trauma to them until the ends of their lives, and they had a very successful reunification. Until we can fix this, this is why sibling visits are so important ❤❤❤❤❤

[Sabrina-scdb]

I know it's fictional, but I also know there are lots of kids on that situation
Those poor kids... :/

[earlyjicama]

And sometimes they outright lie, especially about known behavioural concerns and foster parents end up in dangerous situations they are unprepared for.

[Eroxi]

How do they have such strict screening procedures yet so many children get abused as the foster syetem gets taken advantage of?

[TerraFermentata]

Some states have a foster parent's bill of rights. In Oregon, one of the rights is for complete knowledge of a child's background before coming into care (this does not include protected information about bio parents).

[MashellAponi]

I found out after 2 placements that my baby brother was placed down the hall from my sister and I at a shelter where my sister and I were first placed . All those months and they didn't tell me or let us meet him 😞 . Finally got to meet him at a foster home he was at when we were on visit with our mom 😢

[jemieculp]

It honestly depends why they are separating them. I know of situations where older siblings were actually sexually abusing the younger ones. There have also been situations where one or more siblings is perpetrating serious physical (but non sexual) assaults on their siblings. Those are situations where it is NOT in the best interest to place all the children together. These are pretty much extreme cases, but they do happen.

[gtanner]

I had a friend get a call for 2 kids and it turned out to actually be 3.

Another friend was told immediately that it was heading to adoption, and the case was brand new. It turns out they lead the parent to believe that if she jumped through all of the hoops she would get her child back. After 3 years they told bio mom that even though she did everything they asked and was a perfect example of progress they were still going to terminate. Luckily, bio mom and adoptive mom developed a relationship, so the child has a new family and still has contact with the bio family.

The system is seriously broken. It's hard on both bios and fosters.

[haphephobia]

I remember when me and my siblings got put into the same foster home. They were an awful family. They made us try and walk to a school we've never been to, nor no the route of. At one point the family's dog pooped, thwy forced my brother to clean it at 7am in the morning, and left him at the house and didnt take him to school. I got grounded for the first time ever too, for not being able to spell a word. They forced us to prayer at the dinner table even though none of us were religious. Luckily after a while we were brought back to our dad because he was able to win his case and gain full custody. I still remember that family and met people who was with them also. There sons apparently SA'd past kids. The things you learn after the fact.

[lonesomebeetroot]

We’re aspiring foster parents and honestly about to give up. We have two extra bedrooms in the house ready and I’ve done everything I can think of. We got tagged for having literal cooking wine in the pantry and my personal medication in my purse. I know they’re tough for a reason but we are a good couple with a solid home and I’m getting kind of over trying to prove it

[Margaux.]

What a difficult decision to make with such limited information.

I know I’ve said this before but you are truly a special person with such a kind soul. You have made an impact on so many people’s lives, more than you’ll ever know. Not only impacting lives through fostering but through sharing your experiences and educating people as you do in these videos.