Eight Signs of a Good Counselor / Therapist

This video attempts to answer the question? What are these signs of a good counselor? When I use the term counselor, I'm really referring to anyone who uses psychotherapy, so professional counselors, social workers, psychologists and other people who use psychotherapy. I'm going to list eight signs of a good counselor and these signs of course don't guarantee that somebody's a good counselor, rather they're just indications that I've seen throughout my career that tend to point to an effective mental health clinician.

1. Being willing to challenge a client in a helpful manner
2. Returning to the original topic in counseling and a session
3. Being realistic
4. Intellectual curiosity
5. Reading the research
6. Knowing when to stop talking
7. Promoting independence
8. Pointing out something a client is trying to express

[vickicrouch]

The best mental health clinician I've been fortunate to work with (for depression and suicidal ideation) was a psychiatrist, who was extremely adept at "reading between the lines" and helping me to clarify feelings and thoughts I wasn't very good at expressing or processing. She had all eight of these attributes, and more. When she moved from the US to Costa Rica with her husband, three years into therapy, I was devastated. But after she left, I realized that she had taught me so much, and that I could function pretty well, using the therapeutic gifts she had given me. She was the greatest blessing and worth her weight in gold!

[ExaminerCross]

Knowing when to stop talking is huge.
I once went to a counselor who wanted to share *her* life story!
That was her stated reason for becoming a counselor!
I was happy to hear her particular story if it applied to me, but I couldn't believe she stated it as the reason for her to become a counselor. It was so upside down.

[christinas.]

My old therapist used to tell me that I taught her more than she taught me. While this was sort of flattering, i found it to be unprofessional & dismissive of my struggles. Because of my intelligence level, according to her, I think she didn’t realize how much I was suffering, mainly because I could pull myself together for sessions and because of my style of speaking. She would also get offended when I would challenge her belief systems (bluntly but politely). I never felt like I accomplished anything after sessions. I was dismissed when I brought up that I suspected I have Aspergers, and she thought I was mentally insane when I told her about my synesthesia, which is a neurological condition one is born with, not a mental illness. Very frustrating.

Maybe with these tips I will be able to find a therapist I resonate with. I have had 4 different ones and none of them were productive for me.

I like your presentation style.

[rodmorrison]

Thank you for both videos
• Eight signs of a good counselor
• Six signs of a bad counselor

[I_Ace]

Im in college right now to become a psychologist. It makes me really confident and happy that my personality dimensions are congruent to a good counselor. Thank you Dr. Grande, gives me another great reason to do this as a career

[robhalfordblog]

I've had a few therapists whom I thought genuinely cared and who were kind and accepting of me. I had a few who seemed dismissive of me, to the point of feeling disliked by them. One was very realistic, but she was very cold and clinical. The turning point for me was when I was beginning to cry at the end of a session and she pretty abruptly said time was up and ushered me out, without addressing that.


I had a few who were nice, but who never challenged my negative thoughts, to the point of enabling severely disturbing and irrational thoughts and behaviors. I've never had a therapist who was simultaneously warm and caring to me, kind and empathetic, and who also challenged me or helped me question my thoughts. My last therapist was pretty good, I think she truly cared, but she also let me go off on my own and kind of process everything myself. She was there more as a guide. I have a ton of self-awareness and insights, so it seemed like I was doing most of the work to come to conclusions or insights, and she would just chime in to point those in the track of mindfulness or whatever program we were basing stuff on. It was nice, but it didn't do much for me. I mean to be fair, I made a lot of progress, but most of it was done on my own outside of therapy. That's why I stopped going after maybe 8 months. It wasn't worth it to go talk to her because after a while I felt like I could do what she was doing on my own. I still feel like I could benefit from talking to a mental health professional, but I don't want blind agreeableness or a weak understanding.


To be frank, I feel like there are a lot of people who go to therapy to deal with one or two specific issues, maybe situational, and they need someone to guide them in that situation for the time, they need someone to listen to them and validate them and their feelings. I feel like too many therapists only really do the listening part and validating part, and don't do the actual specific work part. I don't need to go to a therapist to vent or express my emotions to someone. If I go to a therapist, its to work through some chronic, comorid, and complicated mental illnesses and life events. I don't need to vent to a therapist; I need their help actually instructing me on how to work and improve these things. And so right now I am working on many skills I learned in therapy, but it was from group DBT therapy, not from individual therapy. If I had no social supports then yes, being able to vent to a therapist would be useful, as it is for many people. But I want concrete advice, opinions, suggestions, feedback, not just unconditional positive regard.

[machinethesun]

I had a counselor who learned EMDR to treat me, meant the world to me and it helped immensely.

[zorgnaxstash]

As a future counselor, this is extremely helpful. Thank you!

[floratink]

My counselor is fairly new in the field and that made me a little apprehensive since I was worried i would be quite a challenge for her as far as me having a personality disorder but she is displaying all 8 signs ☺ thanks for this.

[kristinblake]

As a counselor in training, challenging a client can be difficult but I've come to learn the necessity and have found an empathetic way of doing so. Being realistic is also a quality that I've come to learn is a necessity which can go hand in hand with challenging a client's ambiguous cognitions. It requires balance of positive and negative emotions to help a client remain aware of their reality when necessary. Furthermore, silence is a salient skill in counseling as it provides the client the opportunity and space to elaborate and process as well for the counselor the ability to track the conversation. The skills that Dr. Grande has discussed are important to be an effective and competent counselor.

[k.ambriz]

Excellent list. I've been doing counseling for a little while and I appreciate your points. I'd add being willing to admit mistakes and openness to trying new approaches when one doesn't work to this list.

[mariamatmos]

I have been in contact with different counsellors since 13 years ago, when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I will never forget the best counsellor I had, and the reason why she was the best for me, it is because she made me feel that she truly cared. She even got emotional at some point, and that made me feel that it was ok for me not to be always pretending that I was fine. That my feelings were valid. I remember she sometimes looked at me and didn't say anything, just gave me that space for me to settle. And what a caring and loving way she had to ask the right questions to make me realise where some issues were coming from. When you come from an outside world where bipolar disorder is linked to danger and crime by so many people, feeling cared about is life.

[salliegallegos]

My best counselors were compassionate and showed genuine interest in me and my issues. They also set goals for me and guided me toward making healthy changes in my life. They gave me homework and effective methods for changing thought processes and behaviors. For example, EFT was one technique/tool that actually helped change negative emotions.

[venetiancat]

The best therapists I had drew from personal experience. They were able to heal from some major trauma in their lives, and without going into too much personal detail, gave me practical hands-on suggestions that I was able to apply successfully to my own life.

[Cropcircledesigner]

Thank you so much for these videos on mistakes and bad therapy, I've been treated a team of therapists who refused to admit to any mistakes and acted like I owed them my trust, even after I had a traumatic experience in therapy, and videos like these are really helping me to regain perspective.

[thebestmarcela]

Interesting video. I agree with those signs you picked. My therapist now is great and I’m loving working with her. While I listened to your video, I was remembering times she did those things. She goes back to previous topics and I appreciate she remembers the things I talk about; she’s okay with silence, which I think is nice too because it respects me “needing some time to organize my thoughts” sometimes; she also challenges me and points out things I’m trying to express that contradict what I’m saying, for example.

[rp]

I like your list but I think you are forgetting personal warmth and genuine caring.

[deborraholiveri]

thank you. I'm starting therapy with a new counselor on Monday. I can usually tell if the " fit" is right and this video will be of help too.

[haydens]

I greatly appreciate your ability to remain objective and to consider the strengths and weaknesses of every approach; your refusal to subscribe to a binary is beacon of light in the mental health world. Objectivity is an under-appreciated trait in many mental health professionals.

I was glad to hear you say that the goal of counselors should not necessarily be to get the client out of therapy in a timely manner. That was a major stumbling block I had with a former counselor, who stated during our first session that her goal was to make it so that I didn’t need her anymore. I felt very dismissed by that, considering she had barely even met me and I hadn’t even begun to discuss the extent of my reasons for seeing her.

Every client is an individual and the sign of a good counselor is the ability to adapt their language and methods to be most effective in the context at hand. It’s a balancing act, but the best counselors rise to that challenge.

[lyndao]

Very helpful and validating too. My third try at a counselor -- about halfway thru our 1st session said:
'Earth to Lynda...Earth to Lynda...' and I loved him for it (normal patient/counselor respect).
He gave me homework! And I did It and It Helped. Wow. That was years ago and now whenever I get too burdened and distracted I think of him and I return to earth. He's moved on to greater things now and so have I.
Damn you're good.