The GAME does NOT run on GRATITUDE: understanding human motivation

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Success in any game does not depend on gratitude. This means that you cannot hope to secure a positive outcome on the basis of the good you've already done, or the value you've already provided. This will be a bitter pill for many to swallow. On the other hand, what does consistently associate with positive outcome is power: the ability to implement future rewards and punishments. If you can no longer benefit or harm another person, then you become irrelevant.

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Sound mixing/editing by @valntinomusic.

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #power #success

[psychacks]

Success in any game does not depend on gratitude. This means that you cannot hope to secure a positive outcome on the basis of the good you've already done, or the value you've already provided. This will be a bitter pill for many to swallow. On the other hand, what does consistently associate with positive outcome is power: the ability to implement future rewards and punishments. If you can no longer benefit or harm another person, then you become irrelevant.

Social Media



Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Book a paid consultation:

Sponsor an episode:

Sound mixing/editing by @valntinomusic.

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #power #success

[alexp]

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy

[zoraster]

“In business as in life, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.”

[ericbaxter]

You are absolutely correct and spot on. I was in a loving relationship for 3 years. Within 2 weeks of getting severely injured she left me and started dating someone else. I made a full recovery and several very good financial decisions. She caught wind of my recovery and success and reached out, trying to pick up where we left off. Needless to say, I declined her offer. She was not happy about it at all.

[leedawson]

she doesn't love what you've done, she love what you will do next, it's never ending

[modickens]

" A person is only motivated by two things, self interests and fear" -- Napoleon Bonaparte

[leebilai]

I told my girlfriend of 3 years I might lose my job. A week later she got flown out to a different state by another guy. Her reasoning was she was doing it for me so she's not a financial burden. I'm still young and as much as it did hurt to be betrayed like that I'm grateful I experienced it now instead of when I'm older.

[kollow]

My mom gave me rules to the game that nobody played by. In turn, I got played instead of playing and winning. Thanks Mom ❤

[RecreationalUseOnly]

I had to learn this the hard way. Take care of yourself first.

[landry]

This guy has made me swallow so many bitter pills! However, just like workout, it hurts, but you get stronger and stronger after recovery (after you've seen the wisdom - or sheer obviousness - of what he's talking about). Thanks Doc

[brucetownsend]

This is why nearly all the “friends” made in a work environment disappear when you leave it. Even the ones you thought had become real friends rather than just acquaintances are mostly people who have no motivation to keep up contact.

[JaySmith-pvmw]

I wish I had learned this a long time ago. My sense of loyalty and fairness is NOT shared by most other people. Noted.

[PharmacyTechLabs]

This is so true about relationships, even more so in sales. I've made a shit load of money, but I know I'm only as good as my next sale. I understand this perfectly clear. 😂😅 You have to continue to be an asset and not become a liability. Note: America is also a corporation and we are all the employees. The powers that be want you to work not just work but work hard. They want you to have a mortgage, have multiple credit card debt, owe on your car and have kids. Because they know if you have major financial abligations you will be an abdeient worker. Less lokely to challenge the status que. When you're like me, no children, no debt, then you're kind of a liability. Because you now have the time to change minds and laws.😊

[Zero_Zero_Zero_Zero]

This whole video basically screams "NEVER GET MARRIED!!!".
Thanks doc. You rule.
Keep saving lives.

[builderofcastles]

Unfortunately, as an Aspie type person, i believed that the world ran on gratitude.
I was the person who would stay at a job when the money stopped flowing.

I have repaired lots of trailers for old women in trailer parks (for peanuts)... but if i need a place to stay, pet free, there are none to be offered. But i get lots of condolences about my hardship.

I really do not want to be so money focussed... however, if, as you say, after the job is done, after the new garbage disposal is working and i leave. Nothing is coming back to me.

Or maybe i will get a lot of karma in heaven.

[ajseb]

The game was never run on gratitude, it was always run on by power. Power is the thing that’s makes someone stay or attracts people in the first place. Physical attraction is a form of power, social influence is a form of power, financial independence is a form of power, etc.

[dekev]

This is the primary reason why it is imperative for men to be needed in a relationship. Women think ( or like to tell themselves ) that men don’t want independent women out of intimidation. That couldn’t be further from the truth. As soon as a woman either doesn’t need you or is not afraid of the ramifications of losing you, your place in her life becomes capriciously optional at best ( this is dangerous in a state where there are harsh penalties on men for divorce).

On the other hand, women need to feel special because they know that their security in the relationship to an extent depends on how irreplaceable they are to the man.

Therefore, there’s nothing more insulting than when a woman tells a man the old “ I don’t need you I want/choose you” rubbish. The functional equivalent of that would be a man telling a woman that “she’s not special, she was just available when he was ready”

[pillotonelli]

"The vast majority of human relationships are not governed by loyalty, or gratitude, or fairness, or kindness". That's right. But this is why it is revolutionary to be loyal, grateful, fair, kind. I won't be slave of a world whose ideals I don't share.

[petermollo]

This is nothing short of devastating. What an impactful explanation. I am dumbfounded by my own naivety when I listen to your videos.

[bluntlyspeaking]

Oh my God, this is my FAVORITE idea that I learned in law school! If you want something, make sure you negotiate it BEFORE the transaction starts! e.g. make sure that your name is on the property deed before you "move in together", because most of the time, you sure as hell ain't getting half *voluntarily*, from a common law relationship when you split up.