Feel Guilty When Setting Boundaries? - Terri Cole

If you are a people pleaser or a high-functioning codependent who has spent years over-functioning and saying “yes” to all the people, the thought of suddenly saying “no” might bring up a ton of guilt.

You might feel bad, selfish, or wrong for saying “no.”

I encourage you to question this guilt.

Has this happened for you? How did you get past the guilt?

*About Terri Cole*
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.

For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.

*Connect With Me*

*Resources to Check out*

I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.

#shorts #boundaries #settingboundaries

[carmenl]

Yes, there is so much freedom once you realize it's not your responsibility how others feel.

[mariasardo]

When I set a boundarie I feel afraid of not being perceived as a good person. Because I believe deep inside that I will not be loved if I am a bad person.

[itzajdmting]

I was verbally mocked, antagonised last Christmas by my sister and her partner, and I'm not going to put myself in that situation at their home for Xmas again. I politely declined their invitation, and my sister ran off crying to my mother saying she doesn't know what she's done etc... making me out to be some tyrant. You can't win in families like mine, you can't even draw.

[ElanaVital]

That last bit hit hard. It's self sabotaging. I didn't realize that.

[tracyking]

Yes, looking at our own behavior first and asking ourselves, why am I behaving this way is a good first step to helping others do the same. Thank you, Terri, for reminding us that we don’t need anyone’s permission to say no. ❤️✌️🤞

[handsome]

You are not obligated to anyone, plan your own schedule

[sirrantsalott]

For the first time in a long time I feel bad for respecting my intuition about two self-serving and tag-teaming financial planners at the local bank. I called the branch and told them of my initial experience and they validated me of my less than satisfactory customer experience that I initially had with them and actually sincerely apologized. They will now pair me with the branch manager directly to help me with my needs. Although it is the outcome that is best for me, I feel anxious and fearful, as if someone is going to come after me. I recognize that I am in an emotional flashback from years of abuse by the hands of my narcissistic mother who punished truth tellers and anyone who spoke up about family dysfunction. Deprogramming is so uncomfortable. Please send healing vibes.

[vinitham]

I spent my entire youth being a people pleaser go out of the way too now im old and really feel guilty, ooh God they are asking for help but ive to say no as my health is not permmiting me to go about TQ Terri 💖🎊🙏🌷

[g.]

Self abandoning!!! I never thought of it that way! Wow

[Olivia_G]

I’ve been working on this for years and I’m still struggling with it!

[TheManuella]

Myself and a frend struggle with this to the point that we wana seek help together, we cannot say no to family and certain frends, we might say no we cannot assist and the guilt from there is scary😢 afer a few days of not sleeping or drowning in alcohol we give in and give not the 1 pinky bit the whole hand to just make up for not assisting immediately 😔😭 we truly neeed to start very firm but hell it's hard its emotionally exhausting...

[SavedbyGrace_]

Today, I lost a money because my mind was wandering. I forgot to take my change at a grocery store. I am starting to practice saying no and my guilt is eating me up after I said no to my mother. Coz she's acting like a child, I know old people act like that. I have a scheduled task to do and I just can't compromise it. She will always used emotional manipulation when I say no. My other sisters had strong boundaries compare to mine. I am also a toxic and enabler because I don't set a healthy boundaries.

[insightstory]

Never be a people pleaser . Beyond extending the basic courtesies in life .
Don't use the word pleaser . Use the word helper.
Woman in the Bible is called a helper to her husband ...not a helper or a pleaser to the whole world .