Tips For Autistic Parents| Purple Ella

Are you a parent who is autistic? I'm sharing my tips as an autistic mother of three. More below

If you'd like to book me to speak at your event;

A little bit about me:
Hi I'm Purple Ella and my family is an autism family with three out of five of us on the autistic spectrum. I also have a connective tissue disorder (HSD). So life can be a challenge but also a lot of fun.

Helpful links

[Gigi-wbpe]

I was 52 when diagnosed and I raised two boys alone as a single mom. They're in their early 30's now and don't talk to me. I didn't know back then that I had autism and I did everything wrong. I stayed stressed and angry all the time. I was no fun and I put too many demands onto them, insisting they do well in school, grow up fast and be responsible little adults. I was way too much! Every little thing felt like the end of the world to me, but now I realize that nothing was that important. I should have let up, laughed more and hugged them more but I didn't.

I guess I just want to remind anyone going through a hard time to try and remember what's really important. You may feel at the end of your rope but childhood goes by FAST and soon you will have plenty of alone time. It's okay not to be perfect. Perfect is the enemy of good. I wish someone had told me this back then.

[jamiemaddox]

Spot on. As an autistic mom my biggest issue was what I thought I was supposed to do as a parent. And it did NOT work. I just torture myself and then ended up not being able to do it anyway

[TheLorikate]

I really needed to hear this today, infact you hit the nail on the head in your first point.
Today I am struggling with slot of guilt because I am letting my son watch too much TV so I can get some space as I'm feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. I feel really sad and guilty. Thank you for this video, it has helped and I burst into tears in the first couple of minutes as it was such a relief to hear you speak my truth. Xx

[justhereforthe_comments]

I feel so useless with how overwhelmed I get. I become snappy and feel like and angry person but I just seen the noise and pressure on my chest to stop. I feel very alone in this

[jammyjammich]

I've been trying to figure out why I'm such an "angry mom" and I've learned I'm actually having meltdowns.
My husband the last few days has said I haven't left the couch curled up in blankets with headphones and I now know I'm just avoiding sensory overload.
I have three under 5 and the oldest is most likely high functioning also
Its constant screaming, house shaking on top of what I'm already doing, like trying to hear a video, or plan something and I'll have a meltdown.
I'm constantly feeling guilty about it because I know theyare just being kids playing tag but I still feel the stress even knowing it

Wireless earbuds are going to be my new best friend and I'm buying a weighted blanket for when I start to get overwhelmed

[thischannelhasbeendeleted]

I so wish I'd know that I was autistic when my children were small and that I'd had access to something like this. Such great advice 🧡

[the_elvises]

Father of two boys on the opposite ends of the spectrum. This is a wonderful video!!! Thank you so much for posting it. It's so important to realize that the neighbors or strangers at the store or restaurant or even relatives that put off that negative vibe towards you because they assume you are doing everything wrong as a parent....they do not and really cannot understand. Do your best and screw those people, not only for your own sanity but as an example for your kiddos.

[mswriter]

As a slightly autisitc mom... whos kids are now in their late 20's .... feel so ashamed of how i lost control... until i discoverd earplugs.... i felt so panicked when they would cry..or throw tempor tantrums..i had no tools or support like this wonderful video

[Sky-Child]

Aaaah Ella - that cookie cutter mum thing really hit me. I cried.
So busy trying to be "A Mum" that I forgot to be me.

[JayJay]

Thank you so much for this video. I am a mother of an autistic child and my own feelings of guilt after I lose my patience are what keep me awake at night wondering if I’m good enough to be her parent.

One thing that helps me cope with feeling like a bad mom is apologizing to my daughter if I feel guilty for something I said or did. She forgives easily, and I am always the first to say, “I forgive you, ” whenever she expresses guilt. I love her endlessly. She is my greatest contribution to the world, and I could not be more proud of her and I’m so glad I’ve got resources like you to help me navigate. Also, that hand trick is a LIFE-SAVER!!

[lexib]

You're so strong, Ella. Thanks, I needed to hear this today. Diagnosed after having both my kids, I'm starting to understand why motherhood has been extra challenging and am glad I'm far from being alone in my experience. Thank you for being genuine and for sharing your content.

[SomeoneBeginingWithI]

yes please do a video on different age groups

[caseyjeanchapman]

So incredibly timely! Thank you Ella. I now have a seven month old and Your videos about pregnancy and birth as an autistic mom helped me immensely and I will be recommending your channel to everyone I know this Autism Acceptance Month ♾

[skyler]

This has been really helpful, thank-you. I’m autistic and 4 months pregnant, and I’ve been worrying about a lot of things but knowing that there mothers out there who have struggled but are still good Moms is very reassuring for me x

[peanut_toast]

Something as simple as earplugs CHANGED my life and parenting completely. I can't recommend them enough.

[daughterofabbayah]

This made me cry. I just realized that I may be autistic this past week. And it makes so much sense. I have been diagnosed with 7 different mental health diagnosis over the years but I believe this is it. Thank you for your videos. Sharing your experience with me. It makes me believe that I am not alone and that others share my same struggles. 🙏😭❤️

[nesterapril]

Well, I'm crying - lol! Really needed this video about 3-4 years ago, but glad I found it now!! Just now realizing that I'm on the spectrum, and all those meltdowns and shutdowns (when my little was 2-4 years old especially) make a lot more sense now... I used to carry a lot of shame and guilt about my parenting (honestly, still working through that) but it's really helpful to know that there are other people having the same difficulties as I do, and that there are SOLUTIONS to these problems!!! OMG, I can reclaim my life and still do this well?!? What a gamechanger - thank you!!

[SergioBlackDolphin]

I am a dad. A sole parent. Dealing with an abusive ex too. I needed to hear this.. thank you.

[shevaunhandley]

Thank you for your kind words at the end there. I'd forgotten that "good enough" is "good enough". This idea of perfect parenting is an unliveable ideal for everyone. I'm a late life mum with self-diagnosed ASD (currently too expensive for my assessment). My boy has recently diagnosed with ADHD with a formal assessment for ASD yet to be undertaken. I've been feeling like a bit of a failure as a mum lately.

Being a person with, possibly, PDA, as much as I love routines, I am terrible at keeping to them. My executive functioning can't always cope with it by myself, even with constant reminders. There's only one routine I manage to keep consistently with my son is the dinner to bedtime routine. Anything else is consistently a butterfly's breath!

I learned that a parenting technique I was naturally doing is what is called the "Circle of Security" technique. This method which is giving our kids a secure base to go out from and explore, then come back in when they need you. It has given myself and my son a beautiful relationship (so far; he's not a teen yet LOL) with less sensory stress for the both of us. If you haven't done this course, I would definitely recommend it.

[midnightmule]

that hand-laying trick is very good ... wish I had known that 15 years ago ... ! :)