Does A Sex Addict Know How To Love? | Do They Love Me? | Dr. Doug Weiss

Does a sex addict know how to love? That is the question licensed psychologist Dr. Doug Weiss tackles in this video.

When someone has an addiction, they are spiritually, emotionally, and morally immature. They make selfish choices because of that. Choices that are related to their addiction.

You’re in pain due to the revelation of their secret world. The truth about their behavior and actions hurt. You try to hold onto that one thread of hope in light of the mess. You wonder if they truly love you.

Currently, that person is living in the object world where there are no rules, no consequences, they can do whatever they want, and people don’t have value. It doesn’t make sense to you since you’re from the relational world where people do have value. From your relational perspective, you wonder how they could do such crazy and irrational things.

How would you empirically know if they love you? Based on many polygraphs Dr. Weiss has done, almost all of the sex addicts tested do love their spouses. People can be broken and still love. They are addicted and need help.

At Heart To Heart Counseling Center, we have counseling groups, intensives, polygraph tests and psychological tests (if it turns out they have a psychological disorder) available if they are willing. They can get better, mature, make good decisions, choose to protect their family, and stay clean in time.

There’s also your pain to consider as well. We have individual and group counseling, along with other resources to give you the support and healing you need for your trauma. In the end, remember, don’t blame yourself and take steps for yourself to heal.

For more information on Partner Betrayal Trauma™ go to:

For more information on sexual addiction, go to:

Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, “Partner Betrayal Trauma™”.

by phone at 719-278-3708

[ThePossumone]

I think the question is: what is love? When you love someone you have to put them before yourself often, sacrifice for them, don't do things you know will hurt and harm them, don't abuse them, be kind for them, in some ways, lay down your life for them. Sex addiction, affairs, emotional or physical, do not come under the banner of LOVING someone I am afraid.

[teddyrose]

I feel like every time he told me he loved me, it was a lie . I'm not sure if he is capable of loving anyone .

[rebeccachesham]

It is important to define terms, like "love", as well as definers' world view. A person who has a sexual addiction loves themselves, and protects their addiction, over whom they have committed to cherish and honour before themselves. The fruit of ones love is obvious, in whom they protect at all costs, and whom they are willing to step over to meet their needs.

[karenKristal]

I think if an addict says they love you, they may think they do, but I dont think its real

[KittyMeowxxx-sr]

I’m in so much pain every second of every day 💔

[sissysp]

It’s conditional love not unconditional love I have always felt this. 23 years together 19 years married 2 kids together. I know he does it with his eyes daily. I don’t cheat 23 years same man. I am 52. It’s sad and hard. Thanks for sharing ❤

[jaguarrose]

I am curious what definition of "love" we're using. After 12 years of infidelity, deception, emotional abuse, gaslighting and secrets. After making me feel crazy and stupid, making me believe his actions were my fault... where is the love? What's a polygraph mean when you're dealing with a compulsive liar? Someone so committed to their lies that they start to believe them. I refuse to accept that version of love.

[tthomas]

How are they able to carry on multiple in depth relationships not 1 night stands but FULL relationships, meeting affair partners families, being father figures to other people's children and have entire family at home....

[shenanigansyo]

I loved him so much! And still do. He passed away 3 months ago and I’ve been so hurt but you reminded me of the addiction part. I know he loved me, I just know it! But the people he slept with (including friends and family) knew he was married to me… how could they?.

[Mzz.E]

If a husband is constantly emotionally and or physically cheating… but says he loves his wife, and doesn’t want to leave her, is that possible sex addiction? It’s not so much pornography involved, it’s just girlfriends, flirting a lot and several affairs. Is this possible sex addiction?

[wildfree]

Dr. Weiss, you did mention sex or porn addicts are spiritually immature... But I feel like I'm spiritually active and more grounded than I've ever been since my previous years but still this addiction doesn't seem to go away.. Infact its the only aspect of my spirituality I can't seem to defeat and its leaving me with too many questions about myself.

[clay_vessel]

They are lying to themselves. Love doesn’t repeatedly hurt someone, with the same behavior.

[blazer]

But what is his definition of love? What does he mean when he says he loves? Does he mean I love having sex with you? I love using you?

[zoilanavarro]

Thank you. I got a few answers from this.

[glenda]

Hello Dr. Weiss Do Sex Addicts know how to "LOVE?" I keep on telling my husband that he LOVED the prostitute that he had an affair with for approximately 10 years. He says he DID NOT LOVE HER but that it was lust, arousal, etc. Thank you for all your videos. They are not only insightful but somehow make sense of alot of things especially for me as the Betrayed Partner. Sex Addiction is so hard to understand and come to terms with.

[Alay]

I‘m currently pregnant 8 months and just found out my partner is cheating on me our whole relationship. He tells me I’m the love of his life and he wants this family so bad but in the same time he’s consuming pornography every second he finds time and is sexting with over 100 women on different platforms, even having digital relationships, he’s not mentioning me or the child, selling himself as a single man or saying he’s in an of off relationship with me. He signed up on sex platforms to connect with other couples to have threesomes and to find sex party’s that he can join. How can somebody go so far expecting a child ? This hurts so much! Now we broke up as the pain was to much especially while being pregnant. No one deserves that, especially not the woman you love ...

[SAN-MAN]

You are amazing doc. I've realized how addicted I was to sex after I lost my relationship due to my no empathy and hypersexuality. I'm ashamed and greatful, it's very bitter to know such thing about yourself, it sucks but I'm very conscious and wanna be this way.

[Thetruthwillsetyoufreejn]

How long does it take for a 60 year old guy with 40 years of addiction to become sane? It’s been 8 months that he’s been clean, (he says) and the last 29 days he’s so angry and takes it out on me. I don’t who’s much more I can take. I had thought his attitude and anger was because of his chronic pain, and it was the addiction instead.

[EnesDeljanin-ul]

People and surroundings manipulate a persons sex addiction. It's professed on television, radio, magazines, internet, in person as a norm. Just like eating candy.
Even talking too much of something makes one an addict in that topic.
Listening to peoples sex addiction brings an innocent individual into that realm and want to experience it for themself evidently.
It's realizing consiquence that brings the individual out of that situation only.
When they are caught and say sorry, they are only sorry to themself for being caught or it's part of their fantasy to see can they live with an open relationship to have other lovers in their life together .
Their is many angles of view to observe that it becomes a quagmire to understand .
It just becomes a porn novel for the examiner to perforn the same acts themself swimming in a dirty pond of desires making the swimmer dirty as well.
So the phsycology doctoring is most an act .
Its action of going in a better direction is what counts, not listening to porn desires of people repeat over and over again.

[workingmanscrypto]

I just met a sex addict. We hit it off Amazingly. She was in a almost sexless marriage for more than 30 yrs. For 2 yrs. She has gotten really crazy. Since I just met her, even though we are like two peas in a pod. (No sex yet by choice) she’s coming back to my town after only three weeks back home just to visit with me and stay at my place. Can’t help but ask myself if I should even bother.. Great person but I have to wonder if she’s even capable of a real relationship anymore. I understand sewing out after a divorce 38 years of marriage but the things I’ve already heard it seems that she may have a doctor days as personality traits at this point, and no longer fantasy. Appreciate any input.:)