Abigail Shrier on Growing Up

[christophermanabat]

My parents actually didn’t want me moving out when I really wanted to move out. They told me to go work, save my money and buy a house when I saved enough money. Not to waste my hard earned money paying someone else’s house while renting. Their rational was, they couldn’t give me a house to start life but they could provide housing for me while I worked towards the goal of home ownership. I left home at 28 with $250k saved and bought a home to raise my newly started family since my wife got pregnant when we were 28. Today, I have 3 kids, house and an upper middle class life. Thanks mom and dad for the head start in life.

[marcusallan]

Best piece of advice that I recieved was "remember that you aren't raising a child you are raising a future adult"

[Hummingbird]

I'm a former ER nurse who now manages health for a group of the best of the best kids age 18 thru 26. She nailed it. Stop hovering! Stop bulldozing! Stop coddling! Stop spoiling! Your job is to give them opportunities to learn skills and have experiences that give them confidence and competence for a hard world. High love, high expectations.

[Mortalis]

At one point my daughter was in therapy and had extreme social anxiety. My ex wife wanted to increase her sessions and try meds. She wouldn't make her do anything that made my daughter uncomfortable. I couldn't stand it anymore and took over making my daughter do small things like order pizza or pay at the store. The first few times were rough but fast forward 3 years and my daughter was just in a musical on stage signing. She no longer gets anxious about every little thing that happens.

[adeleebahe]

As a 26 yo with trichotillomania and addict parents, Yeshua is the only person genuinely helping and healing me Amen

[primrose]

Yes 100% agree! I am a teacher and i have been noticing that kids with anxiety has the most sensitive and anxious ridden parent/s.

[jcbrailsford]

She makes a valid point. I’m a therapist, and I’m deeply concerned about the state of my profession.

[Andrew-epkw]

When you shield your children from the realities of life when they are growing up, you condemn them to being terrified of those realities when they are adults.

[bladedemissary]

Some of the best lessons my parents taught me : 1) it's ok to fail at something, try again to do better next time 2) losing is okay, it will make you try harder next time 3) When you do succeed or win - always give recognition, appreciation and kindness to the ones around you that didn't and encourage them for their next try. Humility, kindness and the drive to do better on my own. Never giving up often makes you stronger than the winners of this world.

[rachelgiles]

Absolutely true!!!! The reason why we couldn't wait to get out the house is because my parents weren't interested in being my friend. My parents parented me.

[kimdaniel]

I’ve worked in the public school system for 22 years. I notice we protect kids from any kind of failure. This makes kids unwilling to try anything because they cannot deal with failure. The purpose of parents is to give your kids room to fail and be the safety net if needed so they develop resilience and the ability to problem solve. So they can learn failing is okay. You just figure out where things went wrong and fix them for the next attempt.

[flute]

I’m on psychiatric meds and had lots of therapy, but my parents have raised me to be independent, and pushed me to get a job and get myself out there. So thankful for them!

[michaelhilsenbeck]

My 15 year old daughter did not like the food I made, told her get a job and buy your own food. She did. Made me proud.

[trish]

It's not the therapy that's making them weak. It's the type of therapy. Some therapy is actually aimed at getting people to mature, rather than be dependent.

[NikkieN]

Wow this is my brother. He was the golden child of the family since he was the first grandchild on both sides. So medicated constantly going to therapy. Me growing up basically raising myself, my parents just let me be raised by who ever was around. 20 years later my brother is still living with my parents with no job . I just bought a house, got a job and living my best life.

[mojo]

Anxiety is a normal feeling especially during growth. Anything I've ever done in life that brought me accomplishment was fraught with anxiety along the way. You take risks, you fight your fears, you fail sometimes...that's just life. Anxiety is just fear, but young ppl seem to have been told that anxiety is a disease and to avoid it at all costs, but you don't avoid anxiety you conquer it. You push thru and the more you do what scares you the less anxious you become because you learn that you are capable.

The only thing I half disagree with is the moving out part. Im 26, living on Long Island. I live with my boyfriend and his parents. I work full-time as a bookkeeper and my boyfriend works full-time as a waiter and goes to school full-time as well. We can't afford to move out. Even combined our income isnt enough to rent a studio apartment. We pay rent but its only enough to cover utilities, his parents are doing that to help us save money.
It's extremely frustrating and embarrassing. We don't want this.

[jupiterdai]

I struggled with social anxiety and selective mutism my whole childhood and it was yah that delivered me. I finaly surrendered anxiety during a prayer and yah helped me out of it. I remember my parents always pushed me outside my comfort zone and my schools always pushed me inside my comfort zone. That's why when I graduated and couldn't do anything by myself my dad put his foot down and started having me do little things like go in the store with his card to pay. I remember the first time I forgot the pin to his card I got so nervous. I pulled the card out and ran away. 😂😂 My mom made me take the dog on walks. The little bits of uncomfortableness made me learn to deal with being uncomfortable. Now two years later and I'm finally a functioning adult with a job. I never expected myself to make it to 19 as I planned to off myself. Praise yah!! 😊

[irisespindola]

We went through what you called "rough times". It's called life. I was strict and expected my children to work around the house, and then to get Summer jobs. They are wonderful grown ups . I'm so proud of them.

[lissaable]

Yes yes yes!!! Thank you Ben for getting into this. It’s huge! We have a mental illness industry that creates (surprise) mental illness. I don’t just mean pharma but it’s deeply embedded into our culture. It creates justification for all sorts of behaviors.