Journalist Abigail Shrier on Gen Z's Anxiety Problem and Why Therapy May Not Be the Solution

Taken from JRE #2109 w/Abigail Shrier:

[infinitelyexhausted]

My daughter is giving a presentation in school this week. Half the class just said they weren't doing it. When I was in school (I'm 44 now) there wasn't even an option to not do it.

[JoyceBone]

We couldn’t afford therapy growing up. Instead we went to confession at church. When I was 15 years old (in the 80s) I was confessing to the Priest feeling like a horrible person. He leaned around the screen (which was a shock to me) and said, “You need to lighten up. You are not a bad kid. I’m not even going to make you do penance. You are free to go.” I was so shocked! I took his words to heart and now in my 50s still remind myself of that. Society at large (and of course parents) needs to reinforce to young people they are ok. It’s ok to make mistakes. To try and fail. Failure is learning in action. Failure is feedback. I wish I could give all Gen Z’s a big hug. Instead I volunteer at my Alma Mater to give talks to classes and Jen asked to do so and speak on resilience. As a mom of 3 adult sons I’m an expert. I bet you are too! Let’s be the village to support and encourage the younger generations-not mock them.

[HighFive]

One of my favorite quotes is from a Navy SEAL who said, "toughness is putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation until it is no longer uncomfortable. "

[kellykelley]

I am an elder mil. one foot in X - and my father told me life would be hard, sometimes you will loose and sometimes you will win. Not everyone will like you - like yourself and you will find your tribe. I thought he was a little tough on me - but now.. in life during this crazy time, I am so so grateful.

[eviltwin]

She just single handedly expressed what I’ve been saying for years “regularly concentrating on your bad feelings will make you feel bad” simple as that

[plutobaby]

What really helped me as a gen Zer was staying off social media, not comparing my self to others, and dipping my hand into everything I can. when I was 18 I was admitted to a psych ward because I was spending too much time thinking and moping about how much of a loser I felt like that I was becoming delusional hoping that my life would change somehow. When I started taking action and going back to school and pursuing a career my focus shifted from “why is my life like this?” to “how can I turn my life into this?”

[bocelott]

Underrated tip: doing errands is great for your mental health. I love errands on a Saturday.

[definitelynotlebronjames]

When I was 19 (4 years ago) my mother died very suddenly due to malpractice. I dropped her off at the hospital for routine surgery, was supposed to pick her up the next morning and 2 days later she died. She was a single mother and my best friend. This led to a ton of anger and wrecked my mental health, I lived with my grandparents and for a bit before I packed up and moved across the state for a job. While I was living with my grandparents they had me go to therapy, my therapist was an older woman mid 60s, very nice and practical lady I saw her twice a month for about 6 months. She explained that the thoughts and feelings I was having were normal after an event like that and broke it down to me, but also explained that life goes on. I would get depressed and anxious(still get anxious) I heard about medicine from my peers to help with this and she would tell me “you don’t need painkillers for sore muscles, your brain is sore from the trauma and this will pass” and it made sense. I’ve found natural ways to deal with my mental health and I think her not prescribing me anything saved me in the long run. I hear about my peers who take all this medication for trauma they created in their mind, they are weak minded. My generation is fucked

[ProdigalSonMatt]

Many forget that hormones are all messed up, too. I’m a nurse and so many young men have low testosterone. Low testosterone is associated with anxiety, fatigue, and low self esteem.

[tvtuhpt]

I used to have severe depression. Then I turned 28 years old and realized I had wasted over 10 years of my life dwelling on problems and negative things. I had been to therapists, AA meetings, and been on multiple prescriptions. No doctor ever asked me how much sleep I got or gave me any real actionable advice. They just let me talk. And talk. And talk. And my sadness never got better. Then one day I read a famous old saying, “A young man went to an old wise man and said, “Old man, I have 2 dogs who are fighting, which one will win?” The old man said, “The one that you feed.”” This saying taught me that whatever you give your attention to is what you will become. I do not believe therapy or prescription drugs were ever truly helpful for me. Creating goals for myself and getting involved in healthy things is what saved me.

[ginam]

I’m so grateful to hear this conversation. I went through a clinical depression some years ago over family stuff overwhelming me and generally stuffing my feelings. Dr gave me antidepressants and anxiety meds. I didn’t like feeling “flat” emotionally and basically quit after 4 days. I was determined to get out of my own head and started going to the gym and walking and journaling. Prayer saved my life. I am a baby boomer. Raised my kids to push through. They are doing great. I’m so grateful I did it. I agree that family connections are very important. We have strong connections with our past and know victories our ancestors have been through

[kevinmm]

I’m a millennial. I grew up dealing with horrible anxiety. Frequent panic attacks. Saw therapists and was put on medication. Wasn’t until around five years ago when I discovered Jocko Willink, and shortly after, Stoicism, that finally things started to turn for me. I am more resilient and calmer than I’ve ever been. Stoicism gave me a completely new framework to approach life. While I’ve made a lot of progress, I’m not perfect, but I am making more progress than ever every day.

[DaveC.]

Social media has destroyed an entire generation

[salmiakki]

Gen Z here, my husband passed away when I was 8 months pregnant. Obviously, it was awful and devastating but something curious also happened. My anxiety, I'd been plagued with since I was 9yo vanished. A social worker came to talk with me in the hospital and said, "This is going to be a trauma for you..." and I cut her off "ma'am I dont think this is a trauma, its simply just a tradegy"

We are so insulated from death, in modern society, and while it's a horrible experience to endure loss, it does ground you. None of the little things bother you after enduring something so earthshattering.

[MrStraightUpGaming]

My biggest realization in therapy was that after I had gotten my initial feelings and emotions out, my sessions became me knowing how to fix my problems but talking to my therapist like I didn’t because I wanted someone else to fix them or something random to happen. I got better once I took action and helped myself. Talking helps but it only goes so far. If you have the answer to your problem, even if it’s scary you have to push through

[guitargirl]

A couple thoughts:

1. Resilience is an invaluable life skill that is so underrated. The only way you develop resilience is by experiencing failure and disappointment, and then coming out of it ok, or likely even better than you were before. You gain confidence knowing that you can do hard things, and experience difficulties and get through them. I see so many young people who haven’t developed resilience because instead of persevering and doing the hard thing, they just don’t even try.

2. Her point about depression being motivating… Wow did that hit home for me. For context I’m 48 and I’m currently experiencing a health issue that I’m determined to beat. For over 2 years I’ve done 2 different jobs at work. The 2nd job I was basically tricked into doing and didn’t have the spine to say “I’m not doing the work of 2 people” - until recently. I grew a pair and told my boss I’d do the 2nd job 2 days a week until they find somebody else, but long term, I’m not going to do it anymore. If I hadn’t had this health issue come up I never would’ve been motivated to stand up for myself and do something I should’ve done 2 years ago.

3. Ok one more thing. This is my experience with people who are in therapy…. I’ve found when people have had a lot of therapy, they tend to get very self absorbed and they don’t take responsibility for their own actions. They could be 60 years old and still blame their childhood when they behave badly. They absolutely refuse to apologize even when they’ve wronged someone and see themselves as the perpetual victim, which only adds to their problems. Being able to take responsibility for one’s own actions and know that you HAVE CONTROL because you’re not just a product of “trauma”, is very empowering and good for people. But a therapist who is sitting across from the person who’ll pay for their next vacation, won’t tell people that.

[samneedsanap]

I was widowed 3 years ago, with 2 teenage boys and 7 year old girl. It was very traumatic for all of us, brain aneurysm at home in the middle of conversation. I had therapists want to put my 15 year old son on ssri after having talked to him for a total of 5 minutes. Wrong. This really bad crazy thing happened and you witnessed it. You need to process this event and move forward not block it out with chemicals. So that’s what we did. He felt all things as they came and we talked about it together, still do. One of my kids tried to pull the “I’m special because this happened.” Wrong. You are not special. Bad shit happens every day, it sucks. But that’s not permission to be a drain on the world around you. You can’t control what happened, but you can control your response to it. We aren’t moving on, we’re moving forward. Me specifically knowing I’ve already had the worst day of my life, I can handle whatever comes. And so can they.

[pridetherapy]

I’m a therapist and one of the first things I always recommend is exercise, eating healthier and getting OUT of your head and into the world. Any good therapist should know this stuff.

[JulietCrapulet]

I have schizoaffective (combo of schizophrenia and bipolar) im 24 now and havent had an episode in 3 years due to sticking to treatment, the right meds, resilience and focusing on self care like journalling. If you want to get better sometimes falling on your face hard helps you realise like fck i need to do better and be better. My second psychosis 3 yrs ago came about because i stopped medication and thought i was healthy again. My ex ended things during my last psychosis and it hurt me so much because i realised i lost him and i lost myself in not treating my illness seriously and accpting that. It was a growth oppurtunity i see now and a huge life lesson.

[np-givz]

I finally went to a therapist for a few months to address anxiety that I’ve had for 20-25 years (since childhood) and she helped me train my mind rather than give me meds. I think I saw her for 6 months and she was happy that I didn’t need her anymore. It was hard work but I never had that toolkit before. I think these kids need a toolkit rather than coddling .