Anger Management Tools Part 2

Learn more #cognitivebehavioral tools for dealing with explosive anger and #angermanagement issues.
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What is Anger
~ Half of the fight or flight reaction
~ Based on prior learning, the brain interprets a threat to person, property or self-concept
~ Norepinephrine/adrenaline is secreted to prepare to fight or flee
~ Heart rate and respiration increases, focus becomes singular (tunnel vision), sweating begins
~ Urge to lash out verbally and/or physically
~ Feelings: More than just anger

Costs of Anger
~ Social
~ Pushes people away / Increases isolation
~ Intimidates people (Respect vs. Intimidation)
~ Perceived by children which increases their anxiety
~ Physical
~ Uses a ton of energy for what is often not a major threat
~ Causes injury from others & self (ulcers, self harm, heart attack, high cholesterol)

Costs of Anger cont…
~ Emotional
~ Reduces the amount of time to be happy (anger + time nurturing anger + time recovering from anger)
~ Can lead to depression
~ Environmental
~ Broken stuff (hands, windshields, plates)
~ Jail time
~ Reduces your options (relationships, work, housing)
~ Loss of employment
~ Anger episodes at work
~ Reduced productivity and increased illness due to anger

Benefits of Anger
~ Power: Pushes away or dominates a threat
~ Punishment/revenge to make others feel the same pain
~ Save face/reputation
~ Hide emotional pain
~ Get attention (alarm people, make a scene)
~ Change other people’s behavior

Origins of Anger
~ Feeling of a Threat
~ Society is less interdependent but we still need people (Barn Raising to Capitalism)
~ Valuing power and success above compassion
~ Harsh or disengaged parenting
~ Primitive coping skills
~ Low self-esteem / External validation
~ Threat Categories
~ Rejection/Isolation
~ Failure
~ The Unknown
~ Loss of Control

Anger Triggers
Anger & Irritability Vulnerabilities
~ Lack of sleep
~ Low blood sugar
~ Too many stimulants
~ Being sick or in pain
~ Being mindless and letting little things build up (think dirty laundry or weeds)
~ Depression
~ Too much estrogen or testosterone
~ Anxiety/stress (Bridezilla; Being spread too thin)

Addressing the Anger
~ Develop skills to tolerate distress and self-soothe...
~ Anger warning signs
~ Anger triggers
~ Goals (make a goals card)
~ Eliminate as many anger triggers as possible

Emergency Anger Control
~ Stop
~ Breathe slowly
~ Repeat your confidence phrase 3 times
~ Take a walk
~ Identify your courses of action
~ Choose the course of action that is most in alignment with your goals card
~ Better relationship with kids/family/friends
~ More energy
~ Less desire to use drugs/alcohol
Addressing Anger Worksheet
~ When x happened I felt
Disrespected | Disappointed | Misunderstood | Embarrassed
Powerless | Jealous/Envious
~ Which triggered my fear of:
~ Rejection/Isolation because of the following thoughts…
~ Failure because of the following thoughts…
~ Loss of control because of the following thoughts…
~ The unknown because of the following thoughts
~ For every negative thought, develop a positive coping thought
~ Rejection/Isolation
~ Who do you have
~ How are you better off without that person in their current state (or yours)
~ Failure
~ What can you do well

Summary
~ Anger is a protective response to a threat
~ Due to a myriad of factors, people can become hypersensitive to threats
~ Extended periods of anger and irritability cause the stress response system to dial down sensitivity leading to depression
~ Many people with anger management issues have internalized negative self-talk from childhood
~ Anger is often reinforced by immediate, temporary relief/victory/vindication

[DocSnipes]

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[fannylchtx]

Thank you. I’ve learned more in two hours than 20 years of life. I know what kind of person I wanna be, and I’m ready to change my ways

[ms.seipatisekokotoana]

I Thank God I found this. Very important😍

[kevinbonilla]

Thanks for the lesson, I have lost my relationship and one major cause of it was my impulsive reaction to small things. And coming to reason that i need help and i need to change and maybe get a chance at the love of my life again. thank you.

[SuperSaiyanNahumKai]

It's nice that i came across this video seminar of anger management because i myself have anger issues/have a very short fuse which I've been struggling with since childhood. I hate when get i angry and i wish i could get rid of that emotion from my DNA. When i break one of my valuable stuff (my gaming controller) out of rage' i immediately deep down feel regretful and feel bad about myself afterwards.

[chrissyjones]

Just whated to thank you. You have helped me alot . l listen to you everyday. You are the best

[Skyyqueentrees]

Thank you for servicing this world with your truthtelling. You’re amazing I am extremely grateful for these videos I can barely afford therapy and have been so close to giving up but I know God has angels like you around the world shining that light. I’m learning so much about myself that I need to really spend time learning myself

[jasonstmarks]

yes i really listen to this almost everyday since i found it

[Jack_Kerrigan]

Thank you very much. This seminar has been very eye opening and informative as well as encouraging! My reactions to my anger these last few years have really been disrupting my life and keeping me from my goals. I definitely intend to utilize these strategies and keep compassion in mind moving forward.
Thank you again for the very valuable upload.

[jeffreybrown]

Having that conversation with a child where the cashier can hear it would be bullying. But hilarious.

[thomasross]

Great video! You are so knowledgeable and easy to understand.

[ashtrologytv]

I don’t even know if you understand how helpful this is Dawn 💕

[rosalindabloodflowers]

This has actually helped me sort out emotions.

[roberthall]

I didn't really know manage my anger but due to this seminar I now know how to manage this anger

[TheAdhdGardener]

Yyoooo I LOVE how u said go dig a hole in your garden!! Omg that's one of my coping mechanisms. The adrenaline is insane I feel like ima explode so I head out to the garden n burn that energy off🌻🌻

[ericanicolle]

Very well done. I recommend these two parts.

[paigelane]

Well done - very helpful presentation ! thank you

[MoorganHart]

This has been extremely useful and productive. I have been getting unmanageable stress as a side effect of my medication increasing Cortisol levels, which has resulted in a short fuse like I’ve never had in my life. It has been getting worse; to the point where I actually screamed and cursed at the top of my lungs yesterday; and I was concerned about that happening again.

It never occurred to me that there were any benefits to the anger, but when I stopped to think about it while watching this video I realized it’s almost all pros. Off the medication I’m extremely easygoing and rarely assertive. There are things I don’t like as much as other things, but I don’t really care enough to have motivation to do anything about them.

The thing I realized immediately watching this is that my trigger is most often loss of control, although I experience some of the other symptoms as well. Not in the ways you described though. I’ve been on my own since I was 12, so I don’t really want nor expect anything from other people. After hs I became very unsocial, as I just don’t need to socialize very often to fulfill that social need. So I guess that’s why I don’t really lose my temper at people.

I also just don’t ever have any violent or destructive urges; rather the opposite, I’m a workaholic; so I guess that’s why my anger never manifests in unproductive destructive outbursts. The tunnel vision has its weak points, but it reduces distractions. I may be cursing at my computer at the top of my lungs but the entire time I'm furiously researching solutions, and if I can’t find one I research how to program my own solutions, until I finally succeed.

I’m also more sensitive to little things, stuff I just didn’t care for before I’m bothered by now. But eliminating those things from my life has made it run more smoothly; even improved my overall relationship with my wife; and left me with more time for the things I truly enjoy, bringing me from generally pretty happy to significantly happy when I’m not experiencing the stress/anger. Looking at the changes that have occurred over the time I’ve been on this medication I can say objectively that my quality of life has significanly improved. My subconsious probably picked up on that, and that’s why it’s been getting more extreme.

Usually when my wife gets home I stop working and spend some leisure time with her. And because I release all that anger and tunnelvision to a solution immediately as irritants happen, when leaving the environment my anger is completely gone. So I’m genuinely happy and calm the rest of the time, although it all immediately comes back the next time I experience the same issue.

The problem is that in my outbursts I don’t always hear when my wife gets home, any she says it really scares her when she hears that. I feel really guilty about that, but I didn’t know how to make her feel better. After she heard me yesterday she told me today she’s thinking about divorce, which is why I was looking into anger management stuff.

However after watching this video and reflecting, I’m not sure I’m actually the problem anymore. Where as I’ve always been very easygoing and went with whatever she wanted, she has always lost her temper like that. She doesn't yell or get violent, but everything else fits these sporadic moods perfectly. She fits the descriptions you gave of anger management problems much better than I do, even during my “drug induced rage" I'm more logical (rarely fall into polarized thinking), more flexible, and want to find and learn solutions.

I actually try to find things I did wrong so I can more effectively eliminate the problem; wheras with her everything is my fault (including things that have nothing to do with me), and it doesn't matter to her that all her problems with me are pure baseless fantasy. It makes no difference how I say things or what I do, when she's angry she isn't seeing nor hearing the same world that everyone else is. Then the rest of the time she's perfectly logical and super sweet with me, but we can't talk about those things or she gets triggered again.

I realize now that she has been using her anger to manipulate me; not so much via intimdation but guilt; and it doesn’t really work anymore now that I actually do have strong preferences. I’ve never been the laidback type; if something bothers me I just deal with it or tell the person bluntly. It’s just that very very little bothered me before, and it took something like rape or murder to get me upset.

After nailing me with a bunch of fears she had about me that are completely unprecedented and would make no sense to someone who has known me longer than a week (we've been together 7 years), not letting me say a single word in my defense or to even ask where all that is coming from, and bringing up divorce then storming out of the house, she came back later with takeout acting sweet and like nothing had happened. Actually all things considered she has been far happier and upset less often since I started the medication, as I’ve fixed all the leaky pipes, squeaky doors, unlevel cabinet drawers, et cetera, I’m making more money (not that I didn’t already pay for anything she wanted) and continue to cook and clean every day. Considering she was manipulating me before I think that performance was just a new attempt at manipulation.

Given that she's a trained actress (degree in theater); and she's good at it; it's hard to tell, but if this really is our relationship to her... perhaps this is just yet another way my new more confident more assertive personality induced by the medication is leading to my life improving. Losing my temper still bothers me though, as it is yet another loss of control over my life. So I plan to implement a lot of the things you brought up in this video, but because I want to.

My mantra for the 4 triggers:
I am who I want to be.
I accomplish great things.
Knowledge is power.
I can do this.*

*I’ve already implemented this one successfully a few times dealing with YouTube and my tablet glitching.

The 6 things I ended up with from my list of 20 (in no particular order):
1. Know everything
2. Perfect self control
3. Immortality
4. Improve my genetics
5. World Peace
6. Implement a system which provides everyones needs and wants in an intelligent way that achieves permanent happiness and satisfaction.

Clearly I'm not the most practical person xD Given this list, it seems the thing that would benefit me the most is studying biohacking. Given I excelled at my bioengineering courses in college (creating new strains of bacteria), and my newfound motivation thanks to the medication, I may even have some success. Perhaps not total success, but just setting minor goals like learning what they do, how it works, and moving on from there can't hurt.

[jslithers]

Very good and helpful..this came to me just in time. 🙏

[DjDiversant]

The best what I find when searching: anger cbt