Why Does Your Ex Hate You So Much? Dealing with a Mean Ex Wife

She hates you... but it's actually not about you at all. In fact, it has nothing to do with you. The key to dealing with a mean ex wife is to understand the real reason why she is so mean. Why does your ex hate you so much? She hates you because she believes the only alternative is to hate herself (she's wrong, by the way, but it's really sad that she doesn't know that). Understanding why she acts the way she does will help you stop taking it personally and mend relationships with mutual friends and family.

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Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't kneecap your relationships.

You can become the best version of yourself and take control of your future. And now you can get access to the same step by step, proven system that has already helped hundreds of men do just that, inside the Better Beyond Divorce App.

GET ACCESS TO THE BETTER BEYOND DIVORCE APP NOW:

*Additional Resources*
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE

Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage

Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?

*Work with Me*

*Helpful Books for Divorced Men* (affiliate links)

I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.

DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.

Why does your ex hate you so much? Dealing with a mean ex wife can feel impossible. It hurts to know that someone you once loved (perhaps still love?) can feel such animosity towards you. And it gets even worse if your ex turns your family or kids against you!

Talking to your ex wife can be hard enough, but when you're dealing with a mean ex wife... it can be nearly impossible. In this video I explain why your ex seems to hate you so much, and how you can respond to that anger in a productive way.

Your ex hates you because she believes the only alternative is to hate herself. Either you are to blame for the divorce, or she is. Often it is the woman who files for divorce, and because of this she becomes even more committed to villainizing you. She has to, in order to justify her choice to leave the marriage. The truth is, your ex wife doesn't actually hate you, she is trying desperately not to hate herself.

She acts like she hates you because she believes that either you are to blame for the divorce, or she is. And she can't deal with the idea that it's her. The real truth is that isn't her fault, nor is it yours.

[timizo]

I agree with a lot of what you said. My wife ended our 14 year marriage and blamed everything on me. Made me out to be the villain. I believe she is destroyed from having gone through triple negative breast cancer. I supported her through all of it. What I don’t completely agree with is that she has the right to believe she is correct. She didn’t even try to fight for us. Her decision has destroyed me and it has hurt our son. Divorce is so destructive and I’m sick and tired of this idea that when things get hard you just give up. Why ever get married if you just blame the other person and divorce when you feel like it. Divorce is not okay.

[azguyazdesert]

Wait a minute, the consequences of divorce on a man are severe, immediate, and long lasting. The financial damage caused by an unhappy woman who files for divorce are bad enough. But the damage to the children are literally unforgivable. She started all of this, and she's angry about it. Quite frankly feeling bad about your decisions, feeling guilty, and a good amount of shame are literally the least a selfish woman should be willing to accept, sence in most cases the man takes on almost all of the negative consequences that are imposed upon him by the courts and rule of law.

But now, the man is expected to not only accept his ex-wife's shortcomings, but feel compassion for her and her hurt feelings, because of a situation she caused. Pointing out this fact is labeled as "The Blame Game", and the only was to move on is to be compassionate and move on?

How is adding insult to injury help a man recover? I get it. You explained how a selfish person thinks and is incapable of taking responsibility for their actions. But, explain to me how that helps the man move on?

Then you talk about how marriage vows and things like commitment are just arbitrary social constructs we invented as a society. If that's true, then why all tge severe and harmful financial consequences on the man. If she's unhappy pack up your things and go. At least leave me whole, why the need to destroy my finances too, if marriage vows are just an artificial construct. They may be an artificial construct for a woman, but believe me, the negative consequences to a man are very much real.

[rdsimmons]

Yes! This is painfully true! I am dealing with a narcissistic wife whom always said “divorce is not an option”. What she meant was “divorce is not an option for you, but it is for me”.

[Leslie-esij]

My ex asked me to leave, said she wasn't happy, as soon as the divorce was finalized she wanted to get back together, she hates me because I told her no! No way in hell.

[Lonwolf.]

My ex-wife hated my guts after our divorce, and still hates me to this day. I didn’t cheat. I was never abusive to her. I mean we had normal couple arguments, but she literally acted like I was from the pits of hell. It’s threw me off so bad I couldn’t recognize the person she was.

[johnmarcucci]

When someone does heinous things like projecting hatred, spreading malicious gossip, sabotaging family relationships, and disregarding the welfare of children, to say that it is "not her fault" because of her childhood or some other excuse, denies agency, which is a denial of free will and a denial of human dignity. There IS a such thing as truth and error, good and evil, right and wrong. To deny this is to deny a fundamental tenet of human existence. Malicious abandonment is an evil thing, and no amount of coaching or catchy therapeutic phrases expressed in a soothing voice will change that reality.

[KJ-pudw]

Men: when asking yourself why a woman thinks or does something. Just ask this to yourself first: how would a mental spoilt child act. 90% of the time a woman will behave no differently.

[alexander]

They end up leaving because no matter how intolerable she became, you wouldn’t leave her. She tried her best to get you to leave but you wouldn’t because of everything you invested. And everything you invested meant something to you. It meant nothing to her. Nothing

[christopherthomas]

Dear Rachel, you are definitely a wonderful life saver. I live in beautiful Queensland Australia where lifesavers go in to the surf to rescue people who are out of their depth and are about to drown, the waves keep coming trying to crush you, it can be overwhelming for some. there is so much in this video I have paused and re-watched several times, you have given me a lot of Hope and insights and helped me process some of what is happening to me right now, I have had other sources of support, both professional and personal but honestly your YouTube channel when alone at home at the end of the day is very supportive and has helped me.

[jonnyhammerstix]

It's not "Okay" when children are involved. Fault doesn't matter, sometime. Kids, vows, treatment, forgiveness, does.

I worry about anyone who classify themselves as a coach, especially when it involves life or relationships.

[OzzieUzbek]

Started my journey now. My beautiful wife initiated. Still strong emotions for her but telling myself its over. Been living in different hotels for several months. Receiving barrage of hate messages and 1000% of the blame. Financially completely broke as living in one of the most expensive cities in the world. The beautiful young kids who are caught up.

Video very helpful on “why she hates me”. I left after she asked me to whilst I was overseas on a work trip. I left everything with her. No energy, no drive, just a world of confusion. Dragging myself out of bed to speak to clients and read documents etc.

Will be a long painful journey.

Thank you

[russellheyns]

I understand the psychology behind the decision, a vow is a vow. People are what they do. Oath breakers are enemies of society. All civilization is built upon oaths. Emotions can’t kill a person. It’s not a life and death struggle.

[diegomarquez]

You nailed it, my soon to be ex if 24yrs, said she couldn’t handle my mental health work for us to be better, and had lost herself, throw hormones as well. I believed her reasons and played her game (though I went NC), though I dwelled on it and destroyed me, (she never saw me and I didn’t beg). My biggest challenge now because of my own issues and trauma is to transition to the empathy side because I am still in love w her, though I do ask myself, ”what about her do I love about her, what did she give me that I can give myself?”
Thank you for your work Racheal

[TheMatrixofMeaning]

No it's not to breakup a family for your own personal desires. If a man does this he's the devil. If a woman does she has reasons it's OK?

[miguelangeldomingueztejeda]

My ex girlfriend cheated on me and blame me lol and then blocked me everywhere on social media like it was my fault like I am the bad guy victim mentality if someone has a victim mentality run, adults talk about problems "victims" will punish you every time they feel you don't full their expectations

[pedrospawel]

It is not okay divorce couse you dont feel it when you have 3 little children

[michaelpopp]

Thank you for this great content.

It's awfully hard for me to feel any compassion for a POS woman who spent (and continues to spend) years trying to convince the world that I had abused her. It's no wonder that she ruined the relationship with our son in the process as he was there and knows the real truth.

Her recent suicide attempts have finally showed the world that I was not the monster she tried to create, and that she is truly nothing but a lying and manipulative nut job like her mother. No wonder why her ex boyfriend of many years coined the term "wacko" for her many years ago.

Some women are honestly just evil. I lost close to half a million dollars in my divorce and I had a prenup which was her idea. She was nothing but a lazy dependent in our marriage as I made all of the money and I did everything around the house (cooking and cleaning).

Moral of the story....don't marry the wrong woman and don't allow her be a non contributing member of the family.

PS. Don't just look at the size and shape of your potential future mother in law. If the mother in law is a post menopause nut job, then her daughter will likely turn into the same.

[Evil-Rod-Farva]

Yet more evidence for why marriage is a terrible idea for men.

You build a family that someone else destroys and then you get kicked in the nads for it repeatedly afterwards because they lost tingles, got bored, or do not take their commitments seriously.

Just like it’s ok to divorce, it’s ok to not get married.

[bryonszojchet]

This made a lot of sense to me and it is a path to handling the acrimony and to setting a framework for a healthy post divorce relationship. It’s harder than it sounds. Easier said than done. But like you said, it’s a matter of putting in the work and expending the effort. I can still do now what I couldn’t do during the marriage. And letting her and my children process the situation on their own not as a cold removed person nor as a controlling manipulative person playing defense but rather a calm and peaceful person who respects her and the kids need to process on their own and simply to be there with genuine love and empathy. Not the needy love as you described but the genuine love that is strong not weak. Strong doesn’t mean here intense it means stable and steady.
I also gained from your comments back to the other writer.
I find these videos on target and very comforting and healing.
Thankyou for your work.
G d speed.
Bryon Szojchet

[billtrabulsie]

Show compassion for the person who is looking to escape accountability for their decision? Makes no sense.