No Contact for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Does No Contact Work on Borderline Personality Disorder?

If you’ve gone through a breakup with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), you may be wondering if the no-contact rule works in this unique situation. In this video, Coach Lee breaks down how no contact affects individuals with BPD, what reactions you can expect, and whether this strategy is effective in creating space, clarity, and even reconciliation.

What You’ll Learn in This Video:

Why No Contact is Different with a BPD Ex: Understanding the intense emotional shifts that influence their perception of the breakup.

The Push-Pull Dynamic: How the fear of abandonment and devaluation cycle impacts their response to your silence.

Common Reactions to No Contact: From extreme distress to sudden re-idealization, what you should prepare for when implementing no contact.

The Risk of Breaking No Contact: How premature re-engagement can restart the toxic cycle and hinder healing.

How No Contact Can Benefit Both of You: Why staying away isn’t about punishment but about creating space for healthier emotional patterns.

Many people assume no contact is impossible with a BPD ex, but this video provides insights into why it can be a necessary step toward healing, both for you and for them.

If you’ve struggled with a breakup involving BPD dynamics and are unsure what to do next, this video will give you the clarity and tools you need to navigate this difficult situation.

What is BPD?

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They can often display a lack of empathy, manipulative actions, and have double standards in relationships characterized by anger at their partner's actions but expecting acceptance of their own similar actions/behaviors. People who are in a relationship with someone who has BPD often describe it as "walking on eggshells."

💬 Share your experience in the comments below! Have you tried no contact with a BPD ex? What was your experience? Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and turn on notifications for more expert relationship advice from Coach Lee.

[OiVinn-eqml]

This came out at the perfect time! I just found out my ex has BPD. They are currently in rehab to treat alcoholism. The idealization, love bombing, projection, splitting, push-pull, blame-shift, gaslighting, manipulation, devaluation phase is crazy! One moment, you feel on top of the world like you're a God or King. Then next day, you're a cheater, liar, & abusive. When They were the ones that was abusive, causing drama, & starting sh*t.

[agringoabroad]

This is probably one of the best videos I have seen reagrding the topic of BPD. This video has provided understanding and clarity for me. I actually re-watch it often, as it seems to motivate me to stay away and move on with my life. Thanks Coach Lee for posting this.

[DamerocksFul]

It’s so crazy how accurate and similar everyone’s experiences with a BPD relationship are. It boggles my mind and has really made me lose myself for a bit. I finally chose me and I’m getting over the guilt of having to do the breaking up and being firm. This has been an absolute hell for me but coming out the other side im realizing how strong ive become mentally and have a new focus on my own self care.

[afe]

Just got dumped from someone with bpd. After 3 years, i m at this point 100% sure she has bpd eventhough she hasnt been diognosed or hasnt admitted to me yet. Despite the push/pull cycle, numerous breakups, me trying to soothe her fear of abondonment, playing along with her abusive paranoid jelaousy, tolerating her cheating accusations every two days, tolerating her rage and impulsive behaviours, all i can say is and i m saying this as someone who has a great career and finances; borderline people are addictive. As someone who had walked out of every relationship he had, who is perceived as a very strong character, she broke me down so bad, even i cant recognize myself on the mirror and still to this day cant say how on earth i will be able to move on and recover.
All i wish is good luck for everyone here

[Beastmachine]

thank you lee i really needed to hear this today

[jamisonm]

just left mine after three years and ten months. to say this video reinforced my decision to leave after he again violated my trust is an understatement.

[theoccultcorner]

Right on the money. I always figured it was narcissism, but my ex sounds more like BPD.

[Rawedi]

If you dont tolerate, they project all of that guilt and shame into you... so it doesnt matter... basically its worse when you are strong. They need to regulate through you. Its like feeling something and dont knowing where it comes from, it has to be you, so they they put pieces together to create reality... they live in another enotional reality, you cannot do anything with logic.

[theproductivejunkie]

I’m definitely crazy then dawg. I knew she had bpd from the very beginning, I didn’t know wholly what that entailed but I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Stayed strong for 5 months. Honestly not the worst type of bpd, her trigger would lead to her spiraling into a dark nihilistic hole. Never blamed me for anything, never got mad at me. We never argued, not even as much as raising our voices to each other. She recognized it and said I deserved more. Someone who would be able to appreciate me the way I should. I believe she appreciated me more than anyone else could. She was with me in tuff conditions, I’m talking about showering with a bucket, eating tuna salad out of a tin bowl, all in a trailer in the middle of nowhere. The war waging inside of her plus the reality of her living situation didn’t help maintain the relationship between us. She got to the point where she didn’t feel like she could love me the way she wanted. It feels like her demons won. What’s crazy is that I want her back so badly. She acknowledged how much I helped her heal and recognize some of the worth she had. Said I was too good for her, the perfect boyfriend. She acknowledged i was one of the few good things in her life. We even ended on good terms, which didn’t help because how tf does it make sense to end on good terms. Ending badly would’ve made all the sense. I just never found a shorty this down, even with all my shortcomings. But the war inside her was just too overwhelming to be able to maintain the relationship between us. Don’t get me wrong there was times where the weight of supporting her through her lows was a bit overwhelming for me but I believed I had the strength to carry through until she got to a better situation in her life. Now that I’m out of it I’m scared of how her life turns out. If I was one of the few good things, how do you move forward without one of the few stable things in her life?

[danielchase]

Thank you so much for thi svideo. It really helped me understand my recent breakup.

[karlathomas]

I was actually stalked by my ex Borderline. He wouldn’t take “NO!” for an answer. He didn’t stop trying to contact me until I got law enforcement involved. He was charged and had a year probation. It was horrible.

[randonlee]

Screaming at me for putting a cup on the wrong counter top. Cutting the grass a little lower than she liked. Being 3 minutes late to the house just to hang out. She left me after 8 years and the reason was she just doesn't have room for me in her life and she's sorry. I gave her everything, every dime I had, fixed everything, took care of her son like he's my own. She knows she's beautiful and can just find another man so I'm on the trash heap. I guess at 6, 1" 200 lbs I just take up too much space lol

[richardcollins]

After watching this video, it’s striking how it all relates to my ex. I’m in no contact and with no response from them, I’m starting to feel lucky and wanting them back would just be a terrible mistake.

[suetaylor]

Good point! Why do always attract these people? Every single time.

[Philip--ei]

Its funny how all these comments are about a breakup...no wonder people hide bpd? I think this channel has my wife trying to diagnose me for an argument we had.

[magdalenarivas]

Thank you so much for your valuable insight - it's an incredible video on such a complex, difficult and painful subject. Your way of explaining it is so thorough and precise, yet put in such a simple, easy-to-understand way. Everything you say is so clear and it seems so obvious to follow your suggestions, yet it's harder to apply when it's your adult child - it's different than a partner or spouse, and much more painful. My daughter's abusive father had BPD with strong narcissistic traits, so I suspect a genetic link here because she "fits the mold". He abandoned her when she was 2 years old, and she grew up missing father's love and care. I raised her myself the best way I could with all the love I had in my heart, yet today I'm her "scapegoat" and a "punching bag" in one, blamed for everything, manipulated emotionally, controlled with Dr.Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality switches and raged at every time I disagree, take a stance or expect to be respected and have my hurt feelings taken into consideration. If it wasn't my child, I would have given up long time ago. Thank you again for your knowledge and support!

[almakudabayeva]

Wow, it seems like my ex had BPD, he told me that his father didn't care about him at all and his mother taught him how to do things by himself in everyday life, that's all, no love or emotions were in that family. He was angry at everything, hated people, even his siblings, if I asked him for help, he would yell at me and say I was needy and make me upset. He was always suspicious of me and asked me what I was doing every 15-20 minutes, if I asked the same question, he became rude and said that I don't understand him. He always accused me of cheating, but later I found out that he was the one cheating all the time. When I found out the truth, instead of talking and admitting his mistakes, he found someone else and was love bombing another source.

[ashkb]

Recently realised my son has this. The evidence is just too clear. And think his Dad had it. It’s terrifying. So hard to cut off.. he’s 21. Heartbreaking.

[yurilockburner]

9 years for me with my BPD wife…. Well now ex wife. I usually left her but she would put me in a position so I would. Like clockwork she would ask me back. I always gave in. She would always find a new guy. She would put him on a pedestal. Oddly she was very secretive and wouldn’t reveal his identity. We finalized our divorce about a month ago. So I’m predicting within a month or so it will fail with the new guy. I will get a call from a blocked number at 3am. I’m currently following no contact. This time I’m not responding.

[michaelking]

My ex has BPD or at the very least all the attributes of the criteria for it on a persistent basis. I was ignorant of it when I was with her and the nightmarish hell you go through with one of these female BPDs is unbearable. I was an idiot and stayed with her for too long. She gave me an escape and life is very peaceful now.