Trapped by Need: The Scapegoat Child's Lack of Options

Freeing yourself from the idea that you are a product of narcissistic abuse is an important step on the path towards healing.

After watching this video AND if you’re ready to learn more…

Accelerate your recovery journey today by getting a FREE Copy of my eBook, learn 4 Ways Adult Scapegoat Survivors Can Heal

[catlilithjones]

That’s it. That’s what happened. This makes it make sense

[divinhaquem]

Thank you! It makes total sense! I was always attacked when in good days, but confusingly embarrassed when crumbled. It explains a lot! May life bless you, Sir.

[emilykaris]

Makes sense. Most days during my high school years my mother treated me like she didn't like me or like I was the problem, nitpicking, yelling, etc. One of the memories I have where my mother was helpful and kind to me was after a big breakup that at the time left me grief-stricken.

[PerrySkyePhoenix]

Well said. I could never articulate this. I was the family scapegoat. At 8 years old, I wanted to die. I had an eating disorder at 13, was drinking by the time I was 15. Got pregnant and left home at 18. I'm far from perfect, continue to feel defective. I'm estranged from most of my family except for my father, who has always "helped" me financially in some way... and then, shames me for needing help. (I think) that maybe he wants to be in control. He's threatened to cut me off if I don't do what he says. He doesn't approve of me going no contact with my mother. He's been divorced from her since the 1900's. He repeatedly tells me that my memory is flawed and that I was never mistreated by my mother.

[casstay]

If you try to be strong they will literally take steps to put you in a weakened position so they remain in control and you need them.

[Tov-hv]

🎯 JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.

[b-six-twelve]

Oof, after a lifetime of debilitating social anxiety and a pattern of returning “home” to parents after burnout from it, this is making a little too much sense. 😢 Also realizing that they never made an effort to visit me when I’d moved away for school or work. Ball was always in my court if I wanted to see my family.

[SheilaDay-kq]

I saw my mentally ill parents as helpless. I knew that asking them for anything would be futile. I left home at 18, and never went back. Learning and growing by reading, meeting and talking to others, going to college, and one time seeing a wonderful psychiatrist for 6 hours in one day. We had wonderful talks. When I left she said I was healthier than most people walking around. I was 19 at the time. You can get through anything throughout your life if you ask God to guide your life. I did and still do.

[MAKESQ]

But there are also narcissistic parents who scapegoat the child and then reject and refuse to help the child, who criticize and humiliate the child when he or she is needy instead of helping. They want the child to feel inferior, part of the inferiority consisting of being needy. Such children grow up to be fiercely withdrawn, independent, and afraid or unable to ask for help.

[LindsayLoo-qd]

And this continues into adulthood. So sick.

[ovwryur]

I never asked them for help. I can't imagine them being kind. Now I laugh if they try to catch me at some kindergarten level bullsh. Of course, I am nearly perfect after decades of such hard work. Some baby level transgression is a joke. They will never know the real me either, but I know them well. Their entire world is an artificial narrative.

[mysticsuzi]

6 mos before my mother died she gave me two gifts with a short convo. She said, "I am sorry we never got along, it's because I didn't want to. The other sibs will want you to come back here and take care of me, don't do it. Go on with your own life." It was an apology and a ticket to freedom. I never went back and have left the family chains behind me into a life of freedom. I realized I was not broken and that was HUGE for me.

[EmilyW.isawakenotwoke]

I have spent my whole life making excuses for the way my mother treated me . I would lie for her to back up her bs stories, if she told someone something about me, and somehow it came up with them, I would reinforce whatever she had said because I didn't want anyone to think I was so unlovable that even my own mother couldn't love me.. and because her wrath was vicious and brutal and it wasn't something I could cope with.