Be a better listener & conversationalist (with examples!)

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In today's video, I share how to be a better listener and conversationalist, as well as providing some role-plays/skits as examples of what to do and what not to do.

Intro music: Smooth and Cool by Nico Staf
Outro music: Lensko Let’s Go

Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
1:02 Stop thinking about yourself
1:51 Mirror their emotional tone
4:57 Acknowledge their emotions
5:43 Ask clarifying questions
6:57 Be honest
8:06 Track their monologue
9:08 Bond over common ground
11:10 Skits

[sanecatlady]

Not me crying because the bad example in the skit is literally everything I do 💀

I'm definitely gonna take notes on how to improve and bring it up to my therapist!

[not-you]

Really good advice, I always had problems the other way around: I used to be so focused on the person I was talking with that I often ended up being the only one carrying the conversation while still not giving them any chance to get to know more about myself in the process. I'm working on my confidence to meet in the middle more often, where I am not too insecure to risk the conversation ending just because *I* didn't try everything all the time (because if the other person isn't interested enough in talking to me, I won't be able to change that anyway).

[ninakrsnik]

Can you please make a video about oversharing? I want to know how to stop doing that because I hate myself after every conversation. I was a quiet kid growing up, and when I started to open up to people as a way of connecting I started to overshare. I just don't know how to weigh out what to say and what not to say, and I go on a lot of tangents. Some advice would be useful 🙂

[widyakhrisantimontoliang]

Depending on whether we like that person or not, I think we can change our response from good skit to bad skit very quickly LOL

[dylanrupprecht]

I never would have considered tracking before; I def be bringing up the most interesting point TO ME that I heard in the speakers story, instead of going off of the last point. Thanks for the tips!

[grace.]

6:00 I always do this! I've also always felt awkward even asking my friends about their relationships because I worry that it's me overstepping and asking too much. Even with my best friend I barely know anything about his relationship with his partner and it's not that I'm not interested but I don't want to come across as nosy or too invasive.

Also, I love how much you guys have been incorporating more skits into your videos; it helps give a tangible comparison rather than just explaining. I think the "bad" skit also helps show (though not the original point you were trying to make haha) how you might use those tactics to get OUT of a conversation you don't want to be in. Great video as always Dr. Ana & hope the move has been seamless for you guys! ♡

[henryyu]

Keep doing more of these conversation tips and how to relate and connect with others better

[spinwitch]

I'm an ESL teacher and I use all of these techniques to develop rapport with my students. It works really well - some of them just have classes because they like talking to me and being listened to lol. One thing I'll say tho is that if you're a woman using active listening with a man, even if you have absolutely zero interest in him, he might think you're hitting on him and steer the conversation in a flirtatious direction. This has happened to me a LOT with my male students and colleagues, so just be aware of that, ladies

[AnonymousAssassin]

It's CRAZY how this video appears at the exact moment I needed it.

[chrisolson]

I always found it better to simply state that you've experienced something similar with key details than in great detail.

[auntiekamia]

Tysm for this! ❤ I’m autistic and i’ve always struggled with communicating and expressing myself with others and creating relationships with them

[DianaDolphin]

The play by play was super helpful for seeing all these insights in practice. Thank u Dr. Ana!❤

[butterscotchwm]

I don’t know how you always post videos that are super relevant to what’s going on in my life, but whatever witchcraft you’re using keep it up 😂
My new bf and I are both shy, quiet introverts and we both need to work on our conversation skills. But most of the time the problem is we just don’t know how to start. I personally feel like I don’t have much to say to people, and my bf says he relates. Sometimes ppl think we don’t like them bc we’re very low energy and have a hard time matching theirs. But the advice about taking your attention off of yourself and just leaning into your curiosity is something I’ll keep in mind. I’m trying to get over the thought that I’ll be a “bother” if I keep asking ppl about themselves or ask them to hang out…

[kpingvin]

This was actually really good advice.

Also: 4:20 Learning Italian when you're Romanian is cheating 😂

[AkiyuriDesu]

This is incredibly helpful, just like the last one about making active & constructive responses.

[Lovingly_Ashley]

I am so glad you posted this! 🎉 I was looking for a video like this one literally last night, but I found it hard to find videos with genuine advice that aren't the typical alpha male videos, or videos that can work for both genders with an emphasis on good, grounded self improvement for the betterment of ourselves AND our relationships. I love this and will definitely purchase the course in the near future.

[connorholmes]

Just used this advice to check on my little brother and mom! Thank you so much for pointing out pitfalls and things we might overlook as well as all the good points. Will definitely frequent this masterpiece

[zs]

11:02 omg your husband is so goofy with the “hey, is this spot on the floor taken” 🤣🤣

[PANDIRIWANG]

But what if you don’t like the person or they’re making you uncomfy… or you suspect they feel that way about you? 😮

Ps. I love the bad example in this video! It comes off as such a typical, casual conversation that’s a little awkward, but Ana’s voiceover really pointed out the little details that are hijacking the convo. I love how it’s a nuanced example! Makes it more relatable than an exaggerated bad convo

[lizzie]

Love your skits !!! Your vids are so helpful❤