How to Be a Good Listener (and Why Bother) - Prof. Jordan Peterson

Psychology professor Jordan B. Peterson explains how you can really listen to people in a conversation and why you should make the effort.

You may also be interested to know that Jordan B. Peterson's book “12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos” is finally available. You can find it here:

Don't miss out on his best selling first book “Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief” which much of his lecture material is based on:

The above are Amazon affiliate links.

[PsycheMatters]

The above are Amazon affiliate links.

[cibrinyark]

Wow, and here I thought I was s good listener. Turns out I listened without direction, without knowing why I was listening, all because I didn't have anything to say. To get to a place that is better than where we started off? That's a much better reason to listen.

[sheeshama]

It's unbelievable how many bad listeners there are and how you notice that good listening is actually really important and actually a gift. I see myself as a good listener now, but not because I am like that from the beginning but because I worked at least on that. And I am sure that many will agree with me here if they talk and the other person listens in the sense of just dull listening, it's actually much more like "hearing". But the only thing you get from the other side is, for example, if you tell a bad story about yourself and talk about how hard and bad it affected you, the person from the other side only tells you how much worse things actually happened to himself and how much it could have been worse and suddenly it's all about the feelings and experiences of the other one. And I'm sure 90% of the people you know are like that. It's the same the other way around. For example you tell them you went to a great birthday party and the other side replies that they have seen a much better one. Maybe it is hard to not put the focus on yourself and telling the other one about how much worse / better things you've experienced but if you are aware of exactly that point, why not show pity or understanding to the other person? Why not ask the person more questions so that they feel understood and addressed? So that the person feels that someone is listening and that it is really only about this person who wants to be listened to. Even if we refrain from the fact that the other person has no bad intentions and downgrades us, it actually happens unconsciously and many are not even aware of it. In the meantime, when someone tells something, I listen, I ask questions as Jordan Peterson also mentioned and the end result may not be that both have learned something, but definitely that both are better, which Jordan Peterson clearly mentions here . In the end, it's about both of them having improved

[silentedge]

my god I wish I had this man as a professor when I was at university

[brians]

He is talking about active listening. Focusing on the persons words and maybe paraphrasing to let the other person know they are being heard and understood.

[barbarossa]

*Listening is an action in which the miracle of understanding takes place.*

[stephenoconnell]

Well if somebody doesn't want to get involved in a reciprocal relationship, you listen. You'll still learn something and when you're gone maybe that person will realise that they have been listened to for once.

[ambilaevus]

I just realized this why I never got married. There was never any true synergy. They always thought I was amazing, now I see its cause i listened to them and then acted on what I heard (favorite food, etc). They never listened to me but rather tried to superimpose upon me the identity, thoughts and force actions they thought I should have.

[daverage]

Very true what he says. Quite often how we respond to even a seemingly boring conversation can make it interesting.

[jasonstevens]

If I had someone like this to help me analyze my thoughts, ideas, intentions, and emotions, while I was in my late teens or early 20's, wow! Who knows what I could have become? Peterson has a phenomenal thinking pattern. He's really off the charts.

[colinm.hansbury]

This is a very helpful video. I see myself as a strong listener, but I'm not as good as I could be. I see myself expressing ideas and thoughts to impress those around me to showcase my knowledge and intelligence, rather than to further the conversation. It's a selfish tendency that I must work on going forward.

[newcheese]

So much admiration and respect for this man.

[archmagekyle]

And that's when I realized I need more of this man's wisdom in my life.

[barbarossa]

Confucius said: *“Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know more.”*

[petesgarage]

Such valuable information, i had to download this vid.

[Harudath]

This clip didn't really make much sense to me for several years, until I realised "you have something to tell me" meant "you know something about me that I don't"

[drunkenrampage]

What did he say? I wasn't listening.

[CheeseDiaryChina]

I’m watching this and thinking this professor’s name rings a bell, and then I found the book “12 rules for life” on my bookshelf 😂 I’m going to read it now.

[UncleBoratagain]

I would offer that these lectures are for prospective psychologists: they must be able to listen to their patients for tens of minutes. Many of them.

[hugh]

Two brains are better than one. Listen to what others have to say because they will certainly speak some truth or something that you don't know of. Truth in communication produces health. When someone doesn't listen, it indicates it's might not be a therapeutic relationship. If you think someone is dull in communication it's because you do not listen carefully. A good listener can always find talkers speak something interesting about themself.
-Ask questions to keep the conversation going
-the goal of listening is to produce better results in a conversation.
-you get what you pay for