Dyslexia in Adulthood: Stop Sabotaging Your Success!

Let's I dive into the often-overlooked impact of dyslexia in adulthood, particularly focusing on patterns of self-sabotage and repetition compulsion.
Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon where individuals unconsciously repeat behaviors or patterns from past experiences, often those related to trauma or unresolved issues. For dyslexic adults, this can manifest as a tendency to recreate situations of failure or self-sabotage, mirroring the challenges faced during childhood. These patterns can be deeply ingrained, making it difficult to break free and achieve success. By understanding and addressing repetition compulsion, dyslexic adults can learn to recognize and overcome these cycles, leading to personal growth and success.

⏰ Timetable:
00:00 - Intro
00:23 - Repetition compulsion
01:39 - Dyslexia and repetition compulsion
02:29 - Tools to identify self-sabotage

COACHING & CONSULTATION

🙋🏼‍♂️ My name is Arije, and I am a dyslexic with an MA in Education Studies and I coach dyslexic adults. I aim to share all my tips for learning, coping, teaching, and more on my channel. For dyslexics, educators, and parents alike, I want to make videos that inform and inspire you to reframe dyslexia.

Here's some of the literature I consulted to create this video:
Jeffrey E. Young, Janet S. Klosko (1994). Reinventing your life : the breakthrough program to end negative behavior ... and feel great again
Martin, R., & Young, J. (2010). Schema therapy. Handbook of cognitive-behavioral therapies, 317.

[ArijeAikedeHaas]

I am super curious to hear how this applies to your life...

[jamesmoore]

I coined my own phrase "failure avoidance". As a result I frequently would never quite finish things I was doing so any negative things people said about my work didn't count because it wasn't finished yet.

[RondomName]

This was the single most relatable thing I've ever seen in terms of my behavior

[NoFearReading]

Great video! I stayed back in third grade because I could not read (dyslexia/APD) and worked hard to fight "repetition disorder" my whole life - never had a name for it, just knew it was there. I barely graduated high school and joined the Army, where I started to figure things out. I taught myself coping skills and began to realize the condition that made life so difficult may actually contain some advantages. I ended up winning awards and being in an elite unit. I decided to get out and go to college and help children like me. When I walked onto college campus I was terrified. I had jumped out of planes in the middle of the night and done all types of things that would frighten most people. None of that frightened me - college did. I was going back into the classroom - where so much humiliation had occurred years before. I felt "compelled" to be afraid, to run, to quit before I started. Guess it was "repetition compulsion." Thats not what happened. I simply did not care, if I had to ask a question I asked it, if I had to do more work than the "normal" students I did it, I developed systems and approaches that allowed me to flourish in the classroom. I spent three years in the Army to get the money to go to college: I was not going to fail. I did not want to "repeat" what had always happened in the classroom before the Army: embarrassment, humiliation, and failure. I graduated college with a degree in elementary education and became an award winning teacher and now run a program that teaches dyslexic children how to read. I never had a name for what I (actually all of us) was fighting - thanks! Also, thanks for all you are doing to educate and inspire us.

[Jackson-gpks]

I’m 24 years old, this same depression come over me when I was a kid. This video made reminded me, I’m not alone in this world. It’s a big sigh of relief. 🙏🏻💪🏻

[royeastland-drawing]

This is a really useful video. It's good to focus on some of the psychological issues created by having dyslexia (not just on the obvious problems with reading and writing). It's amazing how much of our adult self is influenced, or driven, by childhood difficulties. I think it's good to acknowledge how deep rooted a lot of our problems are. I'm finding that I've only recently started to see the connections with how specific events played out for me at school and how they've caused me to think of myself as fundamentally stupid, even now. Online forms are a regular cause of intense worry for me. My tendency to catastrophise as I'm grappling with them is thanks to my school experiences, I'm sure. I can't go back and fix the past (or those dreadful teachers!), but it's useful to try to see how events back then created consequences that are still playing out now. I think your videos are excellent.

[JamesBerry-myrq]

This is so relatable to me. I only just realised that I’m stuck in a pattern of failure when working. I find that I get overwhelmed when I lose track of how to finish a project or piece of work. I don’t ask for help because I think that makes me appear stupid and I should know what to do. So I find something within the project, something that I know how to do but might not be the highest priority or the most important thing, and I fixate on doing that to a very high standard. I work extremely hard and for long hours so no-one can say I’m being lazy. But while I’m working so hard on the thing I can do there are more important things that aren’t getting done that sabotage the project as a whole. Then when the part of project that I should have done comes back to bite me I feel I can’t explain to anyone why I didn’t do it and I can’t ask for help so it all comes down around me and I let people down. It’s so ingrained that sometimes I even know I’m doing it but I can’t stop it.

[RTFK]

I think the biggest hurdle on this topic that I am working to get over is a need for my university teachers to acknowledge how damn hard I work. I was always dismissed and put down by teachers for failures and now I seek validation from teachers. I am working my ass off here getting straight A's and still being told by my teachers that I am lazy because I ask for an extension or ask a question they put in a long email I couldn't read. When I was a kid I would shut down and stop putting in effort if my teachers disrespected me and I still struggle with that now. I'll just stop caring about the course or about putting in work until my partner tells me off and gets me back on track. Its a bad pattern but I think the worse pattern is psychology professors still spouting the bullshit rhetoric that dyslexics are lazy and incapable of high academic success. Then at the end of the course I walk out with an A+ and 2 middles fingers pointed at the teaching staff

[craigmerkey]

Thank you for the amazing videos, I look forward to your content. As someone who has an LD, I came to realized not speaking up and asking for help was one form of self sabotage. I present as a typical person and since my processing obstacles and unpredictable recall are not observable, a casual observer has no frame of reference. In keeping quiet my motivation is avoiding irritating tired spontaneous advice. I understand who is motivated with action, and who wants to share opinions.

[mdstudio]

You just explained my life & my problems with solution😮, Thank you!

[andshewas]

I've been lucky, I always had someone to help me get through life. I could never fill out paperwork I don't like questions I let a lot of things slide, I don't care. So far so good.

[yurytitarciuc]

I have a question why do people tell that I walk strangely is it because I am Dyslexic.

[xaawosoomaali]

I'm crying 😢😢😢😢😢i have dyslexia so help me exam failed two years my life sad I'm 22 years

[ronaldwhite]

How can I tell if I am Dyslexia or just stupid ?

[IDontReadReplies]

I dont think I'm stupid I think I'm just below average enough for it to not make sense to pick me over the average person for anything