what's the difference between friendship and romance?

— OPEN FOR LINKS —

[ashleyholbert]

I feel like this is a complicated issue especially with demi individuals. And this is coming from someone who is dating their best friend of 5 years.

[Amba_Aradam]

Even though I don't put on the ace label, I love this community. Like, they make you ask questions about a whole lot of aspects of relationships that are generally either taken for granted or seen in a very 0-1 way. I love that exploratory attitude of the ace community.

[muskaan]

I've never had confusion between friendship and romance cause I've always seen my friends as siblings. I'm ace and maybe aro... I do have confusion between aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction. Like do I wanna just stare at a person cause they're attractive or I wanna stare cause I wanna be with them!? It's so confusing at times ugghhh, especially with celebrity crushes (even though I know I can't be with them lol but still).

[leedorashinee]

I can relate so much feeling like you could live with a friend for the rest of your life. I identify as a-spec (not too sure about micro labels so this feels the most comfortable) and I had one flatmate I used to live with and I always tell her even now that I miss living with her, that she was the best flatmate I ever had and honestly if we happened to live together again in the future I would absolutely love that. But there are no romantic feelings from me and she has a boyfriend (and is cishet). Also talking to allo friends made me realize how they mostly view (from who I talked to) sex as /intimacy/ like there is nothing else that's intimate for them than that while for me... I consider a lot of other things as initmate.

[serenediipity]

"inspiring" is such a good word choice, i've never heard someone describe my aspec platonic attraction so well

[sproutingresilience]

It’s soo complicated putting labels, and it makes me anxious because i feel like every relationship i have is so unique and my attachment to different people is on a spectrum, at the end of the day i kinda think a bit in terms of how committed the relationship is in some ways as how romantic it is because i feel like commitment is the most important thing for me over sexual acts even though i long for those as well.

[sophieeey]

This resonates so much to me that I have to write this comment, thank you! I am also in a friendship that still confuses me sometimes (I am demi), because we also cuddle each other and enjoy sleepovers. But honestly this is the most romantic thing ever. Searching each others company voluntarily over and over again and not because we said "ok we are a couple now". Kind of a relationship anarchist approach if you see it from another perspective, and ideally allo couples approach this too I think (because they say choose a partner thats "like a best friend") but disappointment starts when the butterflies and physical attraction start to crumble and so friendships are really the most beautiful relationships there can be and I think ace people see that because this sexual component that is also strongly linked to a partriarchal definition of desire is not distorting the viee towards the other

[kovici]

its a super hard thing to explain an emotion to someone in words. communication is both humanity's strength and a person's weakness. ive been on a search tonight about whether im aro and i think im realizing i have never felt this romantic feeling and its just jarring realizing how difficult it'll be to understand someone else's defintion. i believe my whole life ive only had 'squishes' and considered those romantic briefly. thanks for sharing this.

[HazardMutt]

This is the video I’m going to start showing people because this is exactly how I feel

[ventisfrappuccino]

Im aroace and have been struggling with attraction too, tysm for helping me figure some stuff out !!

[hannahh]

OOooh sooo relatable - I struggle to know whether what I feel could be defined as romantic some time.. I tend to think that I am completely aroace but there are times where I am not sure at all.

[joanMusicSpeaks]

This was so helpful. Thank you for putting this discussion out there!

[miriammiko]

Before going on my Ace Adventure I was very curious as to what Love felt like.
The only explanations I really got were along the lines of Worring about someone, thinking about them a bunch, being constantly concerned for them, ect.
It was mostly made to sound like a bad thing.

This explanation sounds WAY better ^_^
Thank you so much for this video series it's really helping me work things out a bit ^_^


That and the pinned post in r/Asexuality ^^;

[bunnysunny]

Hi, I am trans non-binary (they/them pronouns) and questioning if I am ace/demisexual. I’ve been watching a lot of your asexuality videos to help me understand where I am on the ace spectrum and they are super helpful btw! This one in particular made me wonder because I also live with my Roommate. I know I love her platonically because she’s my best friend but I’m confused because I think I love her romantically too. She inspires my soul but I also think about kissing her. I don’t feel sexual attraction for her or anyone else really because I still want to sleep in my bed alone but it’s so hard to figure out the difference. Of course it’s hard to live with her and be so confused about our interactions all the time. Regardless, I appreciate your videos and hearing you talk about this stuff.

[Somebboddyy]

I am so happy to have landed on your video, distinguishing the differences. I needed this. I am just like you where my friendships are so deeply meaningful that on the outset others may think that I am somebody’s romantic partner when I’m just having a good time with them. I don’t want anything more than inspiration, joy, and great conversation. I have been married twice and I don’t ever want that again. I don’t even like the idea of romance (yuck). Sure I’m a little jaded but I really don’t care 😊

[DEmersonJMFM]

5:10 Blurred lines and different forms of attraction/affection is me. I don't like labels or sticking to definitions either.

I may be more of a "demisexual" or "queerplatonic" focused individual, but I'm not against "romance" or sex. The emotional bond is more important to me, which is why I guess I always blur lines.

[Kristina-xsbn]

Thank for this video, helped me understand a bitbetter my mindset on the difference between love and friendship

[reptilerai]

Thank you, trying to figure out what I'm wanting in life

[vince]

this. this video. i understand so much now oh my gods thank you so much is clear now.

[Chewy]

This video got me thinking lol. I think, at least for me, the difference between platonic and romantic attraction is if I want to be physically close to them. I mean it literally and i guess other senses too. But I want to be close to them, sit next to them, etc. I don't feel this way for my friends, even if they're opposite sex. I usually feel this way about someone in specific only.

maybe there is more to it but thats the idea that came to me after watching this video. thank you for the insight!