“Why ‘Gentle Parenting’ Should Be Avoided By Christian Moms.” - With M Is For Mama | The Spillover

Is the new ideology of “Gentle Parenting” really as effective as its founder, Sarah Ocwell-Smith claims?

In this insightful episode, Alex speaks with mother of ten, writer, and homeschool teacher, Abbie Halberstadt, who uses a Biblical foundation to challenge the growing trend of “Gentle Parenting.” She explains how good parenting should be a reflection of God’s character, how to love children with authority and discernment, what the results of appropriate discipline are, and that every child has different needs and learning styles.

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[vintagebeliever]

"Biblical patenting is gentle yet gentle parenting is not biblical" - love this

[osana]

This woman reverently fears God. This is one of the best parenting advice and parenting sermons I've heard. I'm very blessed and convicted by her application of God's principles.

[hoddaa]

Gentle parenting COLLAPSED for me SHORTLY after having a second child. I didn't have time for a drawn out bedtime routine for my first child anymore, I couldn't bathe him for half an hour and let him play in the tub when I'm scared my newborn will wake up at any second and I NEED to attend to my first child's HYGIENE.
It's IMPOSSIBLE to make space for every little emotion and request. You getting clean is more important than fun right now.
Gentle parenting is impractical and it places unrealistic expectations on moms. The intentions are good, but there's a time and place for negotiation, collaboration and even feelings. If the child doesn't understand something in the moment, that's FINE. We'll talk about it later. Not to mention, it's good for these kids to know, you can't have it all, the entire world ESPECIALLY mommy who's working hard to keep everyone alive, to attend to your every whim. Unpleasant feelings won't kill you, mommy's feelings are as much of a priority, if not more important out of respect and appreciation for her, and mommy has my best interest at heart. When the children are old enough and can communicate better, they will become better equipped at advocating for themselves and mommy will always listen, but she always gets the final say. That's it. I'm done feeling guilty over every little upset feeling my children have. I'm no fairy and I need to have my needs met and RESPECTED.
Of course, giving choice here and there but not at every moment will be ENOUGH to foster agency and confidence in these kids.
Peace!

[ThomasSmith-zq]

Hello brothers and sisters. I would just like to recommend that everyone read the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. Reading that book was the best desicion I ever made.

[moldyvoldy]

THIS! I am a result of authoritarian narcissistic parenting and I will most definitely NOT be raising my child that way, but I will be disciplining them and raising them to love the Lord.


Edit: I Definitely think that my generation went to the extreme opposite of authoritarian parenting as a trauma response for the way we were raised.

[Saran_wrap]

I can’t describe the clarity this has unlocked for me. I have two girls under 6, I removed myself from the Mormon church my last pregnancy a year ago. I refused to raise my children in a religion that had veered so far from God’s word. However since then, I found myself leaning away from religion completely and more on my own moral beliefs, which I believed aligned with goodness and pure intentions. Enter gentle parenting. It appealed to me because naturally, I want to do what’s best for my children. It’s touted everywhere, and “breaking generational trauma” is the driving force of it (I grew up in an abusive home with an alcoholic father so that sounded great). However, I have come to see the absolute entitlement it has bred in society, in children and adults alike who apply the principles to themselves. I knew in my soul there was something missing. This is it. I have a lot to learn, as the Mormon church leans more heavily on their own text than the Bible. I’m overwhelmed with where to start. I’ve just started homeschooling my kindergartner. However, I’m in tears filled with gratitude for this discussion. It filled a void that was becoming more evident with each passing day. Thank you. Truly.

[rebeccaiwarere]

Wow! I was nervous because I was raised with abusive discipline disguised as "Christian discipline." I love this lady and how she is so balanced stay true to the Bible without going to the extremes of abuse or permissiveness

[KR-osnn]

When she explained the differences between “please put on your shoes” and “do you think we should maybe put on our shoes?” I laughed out loud so hard. Reason being, I started with the “do you think we should” approach as a babysitter, and my mom was like, “no, if you leave it up to them, you are not the authoritative figure. You can still be friendly, but say, ok, time to put on our shoes” or “let’s put on our shoes.” Worked like a charm, overnight. I tried following the gentle parenting strategies because I genuinely thought anted to learn more and do better, or at least not destroy our kids or next generation. It did make me more conscious, but it also made me more neurotic. I think there is a healthy balance of putting down boundaries and systems in place, and calling children to a higher Biblical truth, God’s calling to our potential, and our children’s. I went to a Lutheran school, but grew up in a spiritual/ secular household. Jesus found me three years ago. This podcast is a refreshing breath of fresh air. Now I don’t feel so alone.

[arianamerchent]

After reading her book one thing I changed that helped SO much was unfollowing all the accounts that do not glorify motherhood. Even the humorous stuff, it wasn’t serving me. The whole “hot mess Mom” culture thing was making me resentful. I don’t miss it one bit, I’m so glad she talked about this a bit at the end with social media in particular

[MichelleNovalee]

It sounds like gentle parenting breeds narcissism. I like that she points out that we can’t just be empathetic to children but we have to teach them that empathy goes both ways and they should be empathetic to others too and their choices effect others.

[CalvioCoding]

Gentle parenting has put so much fear & anxiety into parents who don’t agree with it thinking we’re doing something wrong.

[jejones]

We never did gentle parenting. My kids are 8 and 10 now. At a young age during discipline times I would tell them that I was raising them to be adults who I would want to spend time with and that no one wants to spend time with an adult who is whinny and entitled. They are still young, but they get it. Parenting is a journey that you often do not see the rewards for until later. Invest when young and reap the rewards later and experience the joy and learn from the trials along the way.

[aadamy]

My children and I are always amazed at how many stories there are in the Old Testament about horrible children being the fruit of parents that don’t discipline them.

[MelanieBarrozo-us]

Oh wow. I've gotta be real. When she said she was most overwhelmed when she was a mom to "only two" I just felt myself release a breath and a weight off my shoulders. I just had my second and, although I know it's the newborn stage and of course I'm going to be exhausted these first few months, I've already had the thought "maybe I shouldn't have more" just out of fear I might mess up my kids or not be able to handle it even though I've always felt I had a pretty open mind about "family planning" knowing that every child is a blessing. That gave me some solace as I realized my stress is for the same reason. You just don't know if you're doing anything right. The other morning, though, my almost-three-year old walked up to our pastor at church and said, "Hi, Pastor!" and seeing how much she loves being at church (even if she has a very hard time sitting still or lowering her sweet little voice) really does fill my heart up.

[breetreadway]

I once heard a Christian psychologist say that your parenting style (especially the father’s discipline) is very closely tied to how that child will grow up to view GOD. If there is no punishment then they will grow up to think that God could not possibly punish them for their sins. That, in my opinion, is the biggest danger of gentle parenting.

[lizpleszkoch]

I LOVE how loving, yet firm she was with her quoting of scripture!

[littleway]

Wow I’m excited for this. We did gentle parenting with my oldest and have so many regrets. My daughter is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but we made very different choices with my second and it’s gone much better.

[amyfaircloth]

This is SO good. Abby is amazing, every time she speaks I want to stand up and start slow clapping.

[jenellpickering]

While we aren't "Baptist, " I take our son to Awanas. At 3 years old, the first Bible verse he learned was, "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Still now, at 4, we refer to that verse, and he quotes it. "Why do I have to do that?"...& we say "what did God say about listening" or "Why do we obey?" It's amazing how he has connected to this! ❤

[saranovaa]

I like that she briefly touched on the fact that often parents who gravitate toward gentle parenting were often traumatized in the opposite direction as kids.