Message to NT Spouses: 'You're talking - but is your ASD spouse listening and understanding you?'

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Parenting resources:
  1. Mark Hutten, M.A.
  2. executive function deficits in autistic people
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ASD+NT Couples resources:

Parenting resources:

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markhutten
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OMG are you in our house ?? That's exactly what's going on in my house . ❤️✨️✨️✨️

margaretgarden
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The communication process you described in the beginning is EXACTLY what happens.

I actually figured this out on my own that I had been confusing silence with listening. Boy, was I wrong.

It was even happening when I was talking about my day or telling meaningful stories from my past. I invited him to also tell stories and talk about his past, but he just shut down and pretended it didn't matter - that it wasn't affecting his present day reactions. He also refused to do therapy work.

On my own, I learned to eliminate emotional content, plan my words ahead of time, and limit my speech to 2 short sentences. But then I was walking on eggshells (to prevent his tantrums), and doing ALL of the mental labor.

No thank you, bye. I won't do that anymore. D-I-V-O-R-C-E

MzElaineMarie
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Wij leerden samen van een inlevende, deskundige psychiater hoe te communiceren. Hier volgt het format. Spreek gezamenlijk een dag en begintijd af waarop je beiden rustig en fit bent. Spreek af op een rustige plek zonder afleidingen waar je elkaar goed kunt horen en zien. Nu over de inhoud vh gesprek: 1.)Verwoord het feit wat je geconstateerd hebt, wees kort en duidelijk. 2.) Benoem je gevoel daarover. 3.) Spreek je wens omtrent het geconstateerde feit naar de ander uit. Dit alles met respect voor de ander. Praat rustig en maximaal 45 minuten. Extra tip: bedank elkaar regelmatig in je dagdagelijkse leven voor wat de ander voor je gedaan heeft. Blijf oefenen..au momenten blijven voorkomen..allengs kom je uit de negatieve spiraal! En vind je weer vrede en vreugde :) God bless!

jeannetveenstra
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If you think I'm listening, ask what you said. If I can't describe it adequately, either I wasn't listening or I didn't understand.

If you ask if I understand, I might think I do, but I could be wrong about that.

SylviusTheMad