Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and ADHD

Do you hate the thought of being rejected? Do you take it personally when someone gives you constructive criticism? Do you often feel like a disappointment to others or to yourself? When you were a child, were you constantly getting in trouble because you were unorganized, messy, forgetful, and/or hyper? You may want to check out this video.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is an often-overlooked ADHD trait. In this video, I describe what RSD is and what it's like to deal with it on a daily basis, which areas of your life can be affected by it, how and why people with ADHD develop RSD, and ways we can "fix" it.

Not to be confused with "emotional dysregulation", RSD is very specific to people with ADHD (and Autistic individuals in some cases.)

*Please note that I am not a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or anything of the like. I'm just an adult with ADHD and I'm REALLY into researching and learning about ADHD. The purpose of my videos is to educate others about ADHD, whether they are diagnosed, self-diagnosed, undiagnosed, or just looking to be supportive of a friend with ADHD.) I try my best to make my videos inclusive and accessible. Please feel free to send me an e-mail if you feel I am not doing so.

[Imwalkinhea]

I’m literally 21 and still think about a joke that didn’t land in 6th grade😭😭😩

[melon]

I burned my notebooks, a bunch of letters I wrote, poems, drawings, anything I had written to express myself because I was afraid someone was going to see them.

[whatsyoursinx]

If i had a dime for every time I've been called "overly sensitive"

[anthonyoh]

"You're going to sit and think about that joke that no-one laughed at until 4am for the next 16 years" is 100% me. I found you by searching ADHD on Twitter.

[ahumblewaffle]

RSD is maybe the biggest thing that's been messing me up all my life but I only just recently found out what it was. Thank you for this video!!!!

[Mntt]

The fact that kids with adhd suffered 20, 000 more incidences of rejection really got to me. No wonder by the time I got to middle school I turned into the weird kid who barely interacted with the other kids and just stayed in the fringes as much as possible and no wonder that led to extreme introversion and social anxiety down the line. This one really hit me in the feels. Thank you for this!!

[Zosio]

Oy. I'm having yet another one of those neurodivergent "Wait, not *everyone* does that?" moments. Very well made. Thank you!

[marcypan]

Don’t forget “if you lost/forgot something, it means you obviously didn’t care enough about it.” I love singing, but at one point I was constantly forgetting to attend my singing lessons, and being accused of not caring enough about them was seriously painful. My parents almost stopped paying for them because they thought I just didn’t care.

[alyssarushton]

You are the first person on YouTube that has explained this feeling 100% correctly. This is how I feel every fucking day . I want to quit my job every single day because of this constant torture of thinking everyone hates me

[nicoles]

i struggled my entire life with this, thinking i either just had really bad social anxiety or was crippingly over sensitive. it was so painful, and it really wasn't until i was diagnosed with adhd that i realized this was a symptom... hope everyone struggling with it is doing okay.

[freedomfitness]

I’m probably one of the oldest ADHD people on here. I think I now know why I “ghost“ people. Wow.

[amyyyamy]

Reject other people before they have a chance to reject us.

Now it makes sense why I would call in sick for feedback talks and quit jobs before they’d even have the chance to talk to me.

[janielstewart]

I am a female in my 40s that was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Lately I constantly ask myself, how the heck I didn't know I have had ADHD my whole life? It is so liberating being diagnosed. I am extremely greatful for that.

RDS has been a giant challenge for me. I can't remember being alive and not struggling with it. I have always, always, felt unworthy and focus all the wrong happening in my life onto myself and trying to deal with being so very insecure. Being self aware of the problem and knowing that this is a result of my ADHD and not bc I deserve rejection is a huge, huge step. My ADHD is extremely internalized and even though I am fearful of others judgements and them finally finding out I suck, I am still a people person. I just love people. They intrest me and I truly am curious about them. So I consider myself a socially fearful people person who's symptoms are extremely well hidden outwardly. Bc I present in this way, ADHD did not have a negative impact in friendships and bullying, although my social life has always been anxiety filled. I was and still am scared that people will finally find out how stupid and idiotic I am. I tried and still try so hard. But again, no mean words directed towards me in my life from friends and family. I wonder if the etiology or reasoning behind RDS is truly increased chance of being bullied bc of ADHD or if most ADHD people have RSD bc of the brain physiology and it is exacerbated or reinforced by the bullying? But whatever the cause, everyone who is struggling, know that you are not alone. We understand the struggle. Fight and push through. You are so worth it.

[blaszizzz]

I'm 32 years old and I'm literally crying listening to this, as if you were describing my life. I'm still awaiting proper ADHD assessment, but I was diagnosed as dyslexic at 9y and present with so many symptoms it's crazy. I'm so afraid of rejection and critique I get stressed out when things aren't 'perfect' but if I know I won't be able to do something to my standard (which of course takes forever, due to the constant distractions and chronic procrastination) I will avoid it at all costs. It sucks, I really wish I could force my brain to work the 'normal' way and stop self-sabotaging

[lisastorey]

Wow! This is a symptom of my ADHD that I've been suffering from my whole life and just learned about it for the first time watching this video! I only got diagnosed in my 30's, so learning all this stuff about myself is crazy, in hindsight I've probably lost good friends over the years because I took their rejection of me too seriously.

[meatstack]

47 years old, and my therapist introduced this concept to me today. Your video nailed it. Damnit

[spicychai]

Something that makes RSD difficult to handle is reading people. I try to rely on body language but it doesn’t always line up. Something I do to reflect on myself is look at how they treat others vs me. Some people treat everyone the same and others they are clearly treating me differently and that’s when I get in my head either over thinking or figuring out how to breath and focus on something else 😣

[lis]

I wish I could have all the other symptoms of ADHD minus this one. It’s fucking awful. I feel like I’m too sensitive for this world. I intensely fear embarrassment. The feeling is so painful it’s hard to describe. I STILL remember saying something in front of my class in grade 3, and the whole class including the teachers erupting in laughter because I didn’t realize what I said was the wrong word to use. It’s traumatizing lol. Also, my job is working in a call centre and even after 14 years I get intense anxiety before every call comes in, dreading being yelled at or sounding stupid for not knowing something. So no, exposure doesn’t help.

[i_do_random_stuff]

6:03 thanks mom. You also forgot about "Your going to fail all your classes" and then going into everything that will happen if you do fail.

[PresidentPixel]

This makes sense! I have ADHD and I feel like I’m worthless garbage to people. I always feel like people hate me and are plotting against me, my dad was emotionally abusive toward me as a child so I feel like it may have stemmed from that along with some PTSD of sorts from other events in my life. Nice to have an idea of what is wrong with me.