Let's Talk About 'Baby Reindeer' (SPOILERS)

timestamps:
0:00 Intro/ set up/ characters
4:24 EPISODE 4
6:01 sensitive subject matter

[deadams]

I loved your thoughts on this show! I was thinking to myself that it was an interesting juxtaposition (I think that's the word) that Martha was so outwardly and publically abusive whereas the producer was so behind closed doors, secretly abusive. Even the way he abused Donny was kept mostly as a secret from Donny himself because the producer would abuse him when Donny was under the influence of drugs leaving Donny with vague and fuzzy details about what happened vs with Martha where he had a play by play /oral history of all their conversations and her voicemails.

[siofrarafferty]

I loved that Donny didn’t win Teri back. Losing someone as a consequence to your actions is a necessary lesson in life.

[harbatangela]

I actually liked the last scene with the bartender offering him a drink on the house. To me, it felt like a moment when he Donny could maybe come to realise that he didn't invite Martha in or do a wrong thing in giving her that cup of tea – it is a basic case of human compassion, something anybody could have done for somebody else.

Great analysis in any case! Thoroughly enjoyed this :)

[sir.klunchis]

In my interpretation of the series finale, Donny doesn't discover that he has become Martha, but rather he understands that Martha became a stalker due to possible childhood abuse. Her only mechanism of protection was her stuffed animals, and she saw the people she became obsessed with as those stuffed animals that protected her, not allowing anyone to take them away or to separate from her.

[zaraamir]

What makes this show special is that it breaks the "perfect victim" mold. There's a pressure on victims to be perfect people, to be kind gentle souls that the world wronged, to have fought back, to have reported their victims, and if they didn't it was for some nobler cause.
Victims are scared. Victims self preserve before they think of others. Victims can have diminished senses of empathy. Victims often have bad judgement. People who are in dangerous, life ruining situations cannot be the best people, even if they are good people. That doesn't make them not victims. The only way to validate real victims is to depict us as people.
People who have been abused often put themselves in similar but seemingly safer situations. It can be to feel in control or to understand it and make sense of it. I've done it too. I'm glad this show talked about the aspects of abuse that aren't talked about.

[laurie]

As a therapist and a victim of SA, his behavior after abuse is textbook. Victims of SA have had their boundaries destroyed, and it can take years of work to re-establish them. The show demonstrates him going into Freeze mode, but also fawn mode. These two fight/flight responses are less known, because historically we've only studied men not women, and they're more common for women to go into (because normally they aren't in a position to physically fight the threat). As a society we don't yet acknowledge how much trauma rewires our brains, how entrenched traumatic responses go.
We've seen grooming and SA on TV plenty, what I found most powerful on this show was him opening up to his parents, his Dad being able to be open with him and the intergenerational healing.

[Snoozbttn]

This show completely validated my experience with being assaulted. I couldn’t just leave the man who did that to me alone. I couldn’t believe I was a victim. Why did I keep talking to him? This was the first time I’ve seen the after math of assault mirror mine. I needed this show.

[TMichelle]

When he froze while she groped him I immediately knew that feeling, and how he beat himself up for not doing anything afterwards. The same thing happened to me in jail, someone grabbed me and took something out of my hand and i just froze. It’s such a hard feeling to describe, it’s like all the blood in your brain just leaves and goes to your chest, everything is on high alert, your heart is pounding and for the life of you- you just cannot move, like you’re stuck and it’s painful. I loved this show for that, haven’t seen the freeze response portrayed so accurately

[chloeliston]

I didn’t mind the scene where Donny was offered tea, although I agree it was a little on the nose. I didn’t interpret it as him becoming Martha, I thought it was to show that actually that’s a normal act and not one that solicits obsession or should have had the results it did, so it sort of absolves him of blame a bit

Edit - not that he needs absolving of blame, I mean in his own head

[senh]

What really, really hurt was during the last episode when Donny went back to his abuser and agreeing to getting back into his world.. that didn't go in the direction I was hoping for and it very much broke my heart to see Donny not being able to escape the cycle of abuse

[brizzleyoh]

I love love loved Teri! And I’m so glad she got out of that situation!!

[xyiubsj]

I feel like the ending was more of a way to show that him offering her a cup of tea which led to her stalking him wasn’t actually his fault. because someone else did the same thing for him, so he is not to blame for Martha stalking him, because what he did was normal and in a way, I feel like it’s such a beautiful wrapup for his story because throughout his monologue, he kept wondering if it was his fault that she started stalking him and then in the end the show is literally showing us that it wasn’t his fault.

[zhihaochen]

The fact that episode 4 is where it is is nothing short of brilliant from a storytelling perspective. After 3 episodes of feeling frustrated, angry and scared of Martha, we get an episode where perhaps a larger evil takes over and I ended up missing Martha and that, regardless of her flaws, her actions are from a relatively good place and she never meant to hurt Donny intentionally, whereas Darrien's intentions were insidious from the get go. It was actually a relief seeing Martha back following this episode.

[AncientAesthetic]

I thought the ending was perfect. At that moment, he realized why Martha called him Baby Reindeer. And with all the episodes he's been through, he was there sitting and crying with no money to pay for the beer. Then this bartender offered him kindness, he understood what Martha had been through off-screen (we only saw a glimpse of it in his Google search).

In short, I didn't think the last scene was to suggest Donny was to become Martha. He was only to understand that this has been all normal for any unlucky human being to become. The highest form of empathy really. This is probably how he could relive it all on-screen again.

[gabyelizabeth]

As a survivor, a lot of times ive wished I could let people see my past to show what I cant bring to words. This show was exactly that. The way he spoke the trauma out loud is so powerful and made me want to learn to do the same.

[CelineNoyce]

This was a masterpiece. I will be disappointed it if doesn't get a lot of awards.

[DonnaCardell]

I worked as a manager and forensic examiner of a sexual assault and rape centre. The road he went on with Martha is so real. The whole trying to understand his sexuality and the abuse he suffered is so real. I have dealt with so many people who suffered trauma from stalking and sexual assault/rape. She is a victim of her abuse and her disassociation is so well done. Both the actors who played Donny and Martha are absolutely brilliant. It's a dark and difficult series to watch but is also so real. It's even better acted than " it's a sin". Deals with grooming very well and is a master piece of television. If you found it it is actually real for some.

[brassgal]

Donny has deep-rooted shame from multiple traumas (intergenerational, sexual etc.), which is a self destructive emotional driver that coloured his responses to his abusers & his dysfunctional behaviour within his relationships. It draws attention to the importance of getting help…and how complex these matters are.

[lauranicolls]

I’m still surprised it’s a Netflix show didn’t think they would make a show so dark, an absolute rollercoaster of emotions throughout

[mclovinlife]

I haven’t had a show or movie effect me like this since requiem for a dream. This thing left me speechless