BABY REINDEER: The psychology of stalkers

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Intro music: Smooth and Cool by Nico Staf
Outro music: Lensko Let’s Go

Resources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]

In this video, I discuss the psychology of stalkers. Specifically, what are the usual reasons for this behavior? What mental health diagnoses could be associated with it? And what were the interesting insights from Netflix's "Baby Reindeer"?

Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
1:01 Why they do this
6:53 Disorders associated with stalking
9:49 Baby Reindeer

[elijahwilson]

I get the feeling a LOT of stalkers were not loved enough when small and are in an act of desperation are far too needy and can't help but be smothering.

[empoleon]

Delusions are like onions, they have layers

[Anukii]

I've had multiple stalkers. You are not a person to them but a thing to obsess having control over. The especially malicious will attempt to control a narrative of you. I deal with one in his eighth year of stalking & aggressive dishonesty despite me not choosing to speak since he ended the relationship then immediately asked for me back all those years ago. Do not engage with stalkers, logic will not work here. They need to live a lie; protect yourself & your peace.

[simplyixia]

I haven’t seen the show, but the fact that the real life stalker didn’t go to court, and that in the show she did and admitted her crimes, makes me wonder if this was supposed to be healing for the writer. Writing the ending he wished he had. My understanding is that the main actor also wrote the show and it’s based on his experience.

[sophiaec]

delusions are wild and so powerful. I struggle with OCD, mainly mental obsessions and rituals about worrying I'm a bad person and secretly evil (moral scrupulosity). I had a friend who had a lot of paranoia and suspicious delusions and they would get paranoid I was hiding cameras in my room / spying on them, and that whenever they weren't around I was conspiring against them. My own OCD meant every time they'd have a suspicion I'd internalise it and start worrying I was actually doing those things, even though I knew logically that I wasn't, I kept worrying I was somehow deluding myself into thinking I wasn't. Anyway safe to say, that friendship was stressful.

[TonyB]

While a lot of stalkers are undoubtedly either delusional or psychopathic control freaks, I've know a few guys who were capable of being pretty rational when their emotions weren't aroused -- like, they knew the incessant messages, attempts at contact and so on weren't healthy, appropriate, or likely to result in creating a relationship with the object of their obsession.

When they were on an even keel emotionally, they lamented their behavior and even took steps to make it harder to reach out again (deleting the girl's phone number and such like that). But then, at some point, it's like the fever would come on and they'd be right back to messaging again, or searching the girl on the internet, like falling back into an old (bad) habit.

[Pinkwaterballoon]

This topic made me think of parasocial relationships, which I'd love to hear your take on ❗️

[Ryan-cbei]

Baby Reindeer is based on a true story. I’m sure some parts are dramatized but the premise is entirely true and the victim played himself in the show.

[diegowushu]

Stalkers are really annoying, always on the hunt for magic trinkets and getting into radiated zones.

[Alicia-vqjg]

I have OCD so I’m so scared of being a stalker I think we should encourage people to like be the best person of yourself because you can’t lose with that if you’re a stalker it’s like the worst part is that you’re not fulfilling your duty

[terrortalks]

3:36 Quick explanation on positive versus negative symptoms in mental health: positive means there is something "added" that isn't present in standard function. Negative means there is something "subtracted" from standard functioning, such as coherance

[uncleeric]

I had a stalker whose stalking seemed to be very similar to a kind of OCD. She had a fantasy of becoming involved with me but couldn't bring herself to accept that I wasn't available. She seemed to believe that if I could just see how great she was, I'd leave my marriage in order to be with her. She just couldn't let the fantasy go.

[casspower]

I’m in real estate and I’ve had a stalker for 4 years. It’s been traumatizing because they have been able to remain anonymous this whole time and the cops have not been able to help. They contact me on the phone only so far through text and calls. They have been very graphic and highly sexual with each contact. They will leave me alone for months and then they will start. I hope one day it ends for good.

[vickyoli]

People have told me in the past (before all the boom) I should have started a IG account showing my life or a Tiktok. The reason why I dont do it because of this. Stalkers are so scary. I had a small one in the past and even though the whole thing was a short, it made me scared enough to never expose myself ever. It is jot worth it. There are crazy mofos out there.
Shoutout to the police that intervened and make him stop

[Chris-tgqy]

I am also curious about the type of people stalkers choose when they decide to stalk someone they know personally. I think it is disastrous for stalking victims when they show care and empathy towards their stalker, find themselves isolated from their support group of friends and family (away at college or moved away for some reason) and there is a need for them to be in contact with the stalker through a job or children. If those three issues no longer exist, the stalkers seem to move on to other people who are more vulnerable and easy to control.

[plutoceanic]

I have bpd and when I was 14 I kind of stalked my crush, looking back at it I recognise my creepy and weird behaviour but at that time I really didn’t realise it at all because I was so caught up in my feelings and just wanted to make them like me (didn’t work obviously)

[CraigFThompson]

Somewhere, a "flip" has "switched"; a dyslexically beautiful word play !!

[cucumberwhale]

If pleading guilty leads to a milder sentence compared to not then that's what a lawyer would choose. She was deluded but she did know law, which made her character extra terrifying. I think that's why she was already recording everything from the beginning as well, maybe it was a choice she made after her previous arrests. A choice not to stop or change her behavior but to adapt more safety measures.

[SigMaQuint]

A good overview, it seems. Someone i know insisted on marrying a woman working in a shop nearby, She had been friendly, and helpful. And she was clear about being happily married. She died from some vicious disease, and I wondered if the stress of being stalked contributed to her illness. And the stalker? Maybe in a hospital. He had problems and delusions.

[Qit__City]

Yes, I feel stalker energy from my brother a lot. I’m the younger brother we used to hang out when I was younger. He has a ego of. He is on top when that is just completely just not true. That ego makes it really uncomfortable to speak with him or connect with him because he is not living in reality.