You Need To Start Ignoring Yourself

Welcome to today's intriguing discussion on a skill often overlooked: the art of ignoring oneself. Join me as we explore this fascinating ability that holds significant importance, especially in the realm of addiction recovery.

In this video, we'll delve into the nuances of this skill, dissecting its relevance and practical application in overcoming addictive behaviors. By understanding how to detach from certain impulses or desires, individuals can navigate their addictive tendencies more effectively.

▼ Timestamps ▼
────────────

00:00 - Introduction
01:11 - Arjun and Krishna
03:03 - Following your emotions
05:14 - Learning to resist your emotions
07:15 - Following the timeline of your desires
09:36 - How to resist your impulses
11:04 - Fixed point gazing
12:13 - Conclusion

────────────

DISCLAIMER

Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.

All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

#healthygamergg #mentalhealth #ignoreyourself

[charliekowittmusic]

I love how Dr K puts everything into a modern context.
“And Krishna said to Arjun…
Hey bro, eat a salad.” 😂

[guy_]

6:19 "The problem is in our society today, we are also goal focused and outcome focused that we just think about doing the right thing, we don't think about avoiding the wrong thing." Perfectly said in my opinion

[tiptapkey]

The less I think (worry) about myself in any given situation, I find I become more open and curious about new experiences and people. If you spend all your time worrying about yourself, you have very little time to go outward and live your life.

[catalin-rares]

I had a phase when I was 25 and crippled by social anxiety, decided to completely ignore the negative voice in my head and just do the activities I liked or wanted. Got into volunteering, met new people, went to more parties in 3 months than I went in my entire life at that point, learned that people liked me, and nearly got a girlfriend.
Then I had to stop because I was constantly bombarded by my family for being selfish, threatened by my parents to be thrown out of the apartment they let me stay in at that time because I wasn't dedicating my time helping them do chores at home, and generally being gaslighted into feeling responsible for their misery.
So now that I am 32, have a job, good wage, am single and depressed, my mom finally said she is proud of me for the first time ever. So I guess... life is ok?!

[brentwood]

Becoming a Resistor will make you a healthy Transistor ⭐️

[sophiaisabelle]

I've gone through this phase before, and I'm still learning along the way. Nobody here is ever perfect in any way, and that's the mere beauty of our own existence.

[avaljaeukozlovb]

As someone who practices archery, I found myself practicing fixed point gazing without even realizing I'm doing it. I focus my eyes on my target, and I direct my attention also towards how my hands are stabilized, and the release of my motion. After doing archery for some time, I found my mental health improved a lot. I would highly encourage people to also take up archery practice for mental health benefits

[ammaokami]

The thing is I used to ignore myself too much. From being raised with Christian ideals and my best friend at the time being the pastor's daughter, there was a LOT of pressure to do the right thing. I think my friend actually thought being perfect was possible, too. Anyways, while she seemed to embody the 'you are a child of God and He loves you, " I focused a lot more on "Love thy neighbour, " and "helping people is it's own reward." While this was fine for a while, I started to get very depressed in junior high. I realize now it's because no matter how hard I was working to do well by others, no one ever did the same for me. Not even my 'best friend'. I was always told the story of the two wolves within us that are constantly fighting. The white wolf symbolizes kindness, patience, and other positive attributes. The black wolf represends hatred, greed, and other negative attributes. The moral of the story is the one that wins is the one you feed. It took me until after I was finished college to realize that the black wolf is still a part of you, and not feeding it is starving a part of yourself. The black wolf wanted us to be happy. It wanted to protect us. It wanted us to feel like we our desires are worth fighting for and that we were just as worthy of the good things in the world as everyone else.
I like to say at this point I grew horns. Both because I feel like I grew 'less holy' from it and I got much better at butting heads with people. I'd never start a fight I didn't think I couldn't win (verbally, not physically), but if someone said or did something I percieved as being wrong, I'd be much more likely to say something about it. I remember working at a Tim Horton's and a manager chastised me as he was walking away. At first I restrained myself and didn't respond, but I could almost feel the clawed hand on my shoulder. "Are you really going to let him get away with that? That was totally uncalled for, especially in the middle of a shift. You always want to protect others, but how can you do that if you can't even defend yourself?' It didn't exactly end well, but not saying anything would've left me feeling more miserable and helpless, so I don't regret my actions. I've become a lot more confident and where I can't say I love myself, I am proud of who I've become.

TL;DR-Resisting temptation is fine, but remember that you deserve to be happy

[ethangilbert]

My manager was talking about how servers should come in with a super attitude during my training. I just told her that whenever I go into work thinking that I’m gonna have a miserable day and that’s okay, Those are usually my best days. I have a pretty shitty job but I love getting to see people regularly and make friends there so I’m happy going there. It all started with just letting myself be miserable and being okay with all the horrible emotions that the food industry has brought me in the past. But those bad emotions would happen in any endeavor in life so it’s okay

[blueicer]

Picking the item on the menu that isn't your number 1 choice is actually very smart, because not only do you stop yourself from being ok with not having exactly what you want, you might find out new things you like.

[kaisaai]

I recently discovered this can be applied to procrastination on chores. I found it a lot easier to do the chore then and there by thinking through the consequences of doing things now vs later. This technique cannot be understated!

[lummozz]

One of my favorite meditations for practicing resisting urges is something Dr. K has talked about before, though I can't remember where. It's where you sit completely still with your eyes closed for 5 minutes, not allowed to move a single muscle. The whole time you're feeling these impulses rise up inside you, like shifting if you're uncomfortable or scratching an itch or swallowing, but you can't let them escape. It's super intense, and by the end you feel tangibly relieved that you can move again. I don't do it that often, just because of how intense it is (I usually try to go for 20 or 30 min), but I highly recommend you try it out for 5 or 10 minutes if you want a simple way to practice this.

[angieonline]

on day 4 of my sobriety journey, really needed this vid. thank you dr. k <3

[jeremiahkim]

Summary:

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a difficult situation in life, decide to change for a few days but then fall right back into your old ways?

One thing that the stoics and yogis found out was the importance of not listening to yourself.

Part 1: Arjun & Krishna
There's a guy named Arjun, he's fighting in a civil war. His family's been separated by this war, on both sides opposing each other are his cousins, friends, and mentors, some of whom he loves and respects. He despairs and says "I don't want to kill them."

Krishna is his friend, says this: "If you run, the problem will only get worse because your cousins are assholes and want to take your land. You have to learn how to resist despairing."

Part 2: Following Your Emotions
The suffering you have in life is because you follow your negative emotions instead of ignoring them and letting them pass. Any kind of emotions that you let control you will lead to suffering.

There are two steps for progress in this regard: avoiding the wrong thing AND doing the right thing.

You must "play the tape through to the end" whenever you relapse into an unwanted habit.

Part 2.5: The Timeline of Your Desires
I feel like I wasted the day. Why? Well: I have a bad interaction with someone online -> I'm not sure how to process the interaction -> I go to my phone/video games/etc. to forget about the interaction -> all of a sudden, 3.5 hours of my day is gone, I feel guilty about wasting the day AND the bad online interaction -> vicious cycle repeat.exe

Part 3: How to Resist Impulses
The more non-reactionary you can be, the easier life will be for you. You can build up this function (impulse control) through a series of practices:
Meditation (resisting the impulse to move)
Fixed Point Gazing (staring at a candle without blinking)
Pick #2/#3 at restaurants, not #1. Resist impulses to eat your favorite food

[smixqse]

one important thing i learned recently: assume there's nothing in reality or in your internal experience that objectively points that you SHOULD do one thing or another, and every thought, feeling or desire are constructs of the mind that are used to fulfill a goal, and goals should have practical value for you as a human, so pay attention to what values or goals your actions and thoughts serve (even if you didn't consciously decide them), reflect in how that practically affects reality and why it matters, and if it doesn't practically matter, remember that there is absolutely no reason to keep trusting the thoughts that fulfill those bad goals or even engage with them (no thought has inherent value). just view them as things that appear in your mind and focus on thoughts and actions that align with better values and goals. your intuition will keep surfacing unhelpful thoughts and strong emotions for a while, so learn to deal with them with peace.

[tabtab]

I’ve ignored myself most my life, I had very bad impulse control. The key for myself to stop the impulse is to acknowledge my feelings and don’t resist (what you resist will persist) to just sit with the feelings and acknowledge how they feel in my body. The the magical thing happens is that they just disappear. I’ve learnt that feelings aren’t as scary and hurtful as I thought they were. The hurting was coming from ignoring my own desires, impulses. After sitting with the feeling I can then talk with myself and ask why I want something and is that going to serve my body, mind or soul. Then by eating the cake mindfully I can actually witness in myself that it wasn’t the cake I wanted after all it was the feeling of comfort. Then next time I want cake I can comfort myself in a more healthy way.

[gvdv]

I am actually pretty good to ignore impulse to do things. My problem is with impulses to not do things. I struggle to maintain sport habits, since doing it demands a lot more efforts than not doing it.

[ZackxOmar]

Wait…I just learned how to start listening to myself.

[ludelkri]

To be able to teach such a valuable lesson such as self-restraint to your children in the most gentle manner is highly commendable. I was really awe-struck at that portion of the video. A parent who has the intelligence to understand that force is not needed for such lessons, and actively tries to positively influence their children must make such an immense impact on their lives.

[swiftbeanbag]

I have near 0 impulse control, telling myself no actually feels overwhelming and extremely upset in the moment.1 weird tip I use is telling myself "yes I'm going to (insert behaviour)", then use my physical body to do something else "on the sly". It's been extremely helpful, hopefully that'll help somebody!