Real vs Fake Friends | How to Differentiate a Genuine Friendship From an Unhealthy One

Differentiating a real and fake friendship comes down to how you can perceive the friends you have in your life. Many of us don't want to think that our friends are using us or being disingenuous, but it does happen and ways of recognizing it comes down to if there is dependency, excuses being made, or if one feels taken for granted. It's not always easy admitting that someone you thought was close is like this, but you must always do what is healthy for you.

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[Axess-svnq]

I'm nearly 50 years old. You think I would learn by now. But, I still get fooled. I really thought a "close friend" was genuine and it turned out I was just being used AGAIN. I'm so tired of being a RESOURCE for people. I'm a human being. I have the right to be treated with respect when I give respect. I have the right to be treated fairly when I treat others fair. And, at the VERY LEAST, I have the right to be appreciated when I got out of my way for someone. I'm done being used by people.

[asapikus]

If you have to question your friend... then he or she is not worth it. :(

[Cookies]

I have social anxiety so its hard for me to make friends and im at the point if i am not sure if i am ready to. My family whom i was really close to have used me time after time but were never truly there for me. I discovered this when i got depressed and contemplated suicide. I was in so much pain mentally and physically, no one not even my family had time for me. My own sister whom i looked up to, who was a mother to me had no time for me. Needless to say i got through that on my own and i am damn proud of myself, i have grown to love me like no one else ever has. I am my own best friend, If anyone wants to be my friend fine, if not so be it . I will not compete for anyone's affection or time. Blessed are those who have these cherished friends, i pray someday i will have the same but for right now im okay with just me and my books..

[fromtheinsidex]

My boyfriend doesn't understand what my issue is with the words "I will never leave", but it happened to me what exactly you described. Every single friend I had who said they would never leave, left after a short period of time. I find it extremely difficult to trust people due to my past experiences that I can't no longer see what's a lie and what's not. Thank you for another great video :)

[AmyLovesYou]

I recently abandoned a friend whom initially told me I would leave her just like everyone else. I told her that I would never leave her, and I meant what I said; however, as time progressed, she began taking more, and giving less to our relationship and increasingly took advantage of me.

Within a couple of months my disappointment turned to anger, and then my anger turned to rage. I left her, told her to never contact me again, and I personally will never restore what we had. All I wanted was for her to be there for me as much as I was there for her.

Initially, she was there for me very much and in that blessing I truly wouldn't have left her, but when our friendship became one sided, I indeed left her. Just as she had predicted. Her prediction was a reflection of her cumulatively transpiring neglect. She may experience sadness, depression, and loneliness as a result, but I have decided that I am more important to me than her.

[lovettdeleted]

my best friend only asks about herself, she's always negative and never cares about my well being. but i found out all her problems were made up and that she's been lying and purposely making stories up for attention. i don't know what to do. i've been her best friend for years, i can't just stop talking to her.

[fghjklSammy]

Friendships are like relationships in so many ways. You need to have communication, you need to be honest, and you have to take those people as they are, flaws and all. Some people can't handle flaws, so friends will come and go throughout life. But at the same time, you do find those rare gems who stay close friends with you for a number of years if not forever. I've had dozens, of friends throughout my life. And I can honestly say that out of all of the friends I've had, I only have like 5 really, good ones that I can count on, but who knows maybe it won't last forever. But it's always worth taking that chance to finding that friend who will be in your life forever.
I've watched a nice few of your videos for the last little while now. I saw your personality disorder video last week actually. And I just wanted to let you know that if you ever feel alone and you need someone to talk to feel free to message me anytime. :) if I could cheer someone up it would make my whole year :3

[wolfieoren]

i had a friend who treated me like rubbish. i stopped being friends with her almost a year ago and since then my life has improved so much. My anxiety disorder got so much better, and rather than being stuck in this bubble with her (we had been best friends for years and she didn't really like hanging out with others so it was always just us) i now how have a good group of about 7 close friends, as well as a wider circle. Even though she knew i have a fairly severe social anxiety disorder (again, since starting uni this has gotten a lot better) she would always push me to do stuff for her, be like "oh i don't feel like talking to Mr P, can you do it for me?". She'd always beg me to do stuff for her, or put disrupt my own life to go and hang out with her, or do stuff for her, or let her copy my work or whatever. She was totally reliant on me. Then if i asked even the smallest thing of her, like when i started a class that my abusive ex was in (i was absolutely terrified of being in the same room as him) she'd say something like "oh i don't really feel like it." it sounds bad, but i was literally always there for her and she hardly ever was for me. For every new boyfriend she had (she had a lot, she couldn't keep them because she was very naive and didn't really know exactly how to behave with them) she would forgot my existence, i wouldn't hear from her for days, she'd deliberately avoid me constantly. She'd cancel on me last minute. It shouldn't have annoyed me so much but it did.

When i told her that i'd had enough of her behaviour, she sent a picture to me and her boyfriend at the time of herself with a knife captioned "not even kidding. cant stop crying". What made this threat of self harm even worse was that she KNEW that many of my other friends had suffered with this, as well as myself. She knew that i was programmed to look after people who were suffering. She deliberately attempted to manipulate me, and that really was the point of no return. she tried to turn people against me, spread lies, and went about telling people they "shouldn't" talk to me. thank god they didn't listen. my life is honestly so much better now, and i'm not going to let myself fall into that kind of friendship again. ever.

[spicedlemons]

really needed to see this! my own two cents: when you start seeing these signs of bad friendship, and it keeps getting worse, put yourself first. Distance yourself from them, and find new ones who really care. even if you're afraid to be alone, being alone is better than having bad, toxic friends

[corinnemuir]

First person on yourtube in a long time to show their mask taken off, good job Autumn Asphodel! Props for not overpolishing, *me having hope for humans* Get some sleep, Grinding and grinding, Them poor feet! Very inspiring

[amandasligar]

Looking back throughout my life almost every friend I've ever had is toxic. Didn't matter if I knew them for 15-20 years they would screw me over the minute they could get a chance.

[mowvision]

Sometimes the excuses happen because other external factors they're too embarrassed to talk about (like a controlling boyfriend).

[babybluehashyo]

I had a best friend who lied, put me down, would never understand why I could not make time for her 24/7, made fun of me for grieving dead pets, made me out to be a racist, made me feel stupid, mooched money, did drugs and lied about quitting, tried to control who I spoke to and eventually who I dated, telling me not to date my current boyfriend of two years yet never saying anything when I made the mistake of dating a pedophile beforehand. When someone truly does not care about you they need to go. I never realized until after I dated my boyfriend and realized how a real, healthy relationship actually feels. I was afraid I would be lonely, as she pitted the rest of my friends against me when I broke it off with her. However, two years later, I find that my family, my boyfriend, my boyfriend's friends, the people I work with, and my online friend give me more than enough social interaction and I am not lonely at all. I have no idea how to make more friends, or even if I am ever going to be ready to put my trust in other people (other than those listed) again, but let me tell anyone who is scared about the abandonment... it's so worth it. Do it. Cut them out of your life. One genuine friend, even if it's just your mom or brother or child, is worth fake friends. You will feel so much lighter. So much happier.

[cascadestars]

I really appreciate how organized and precise your videos are with your information. So informative and easy to understand, and a pleasure to listen to as well. I love how you cover topics that may seem obvious to some other people, I REALLY love and appreciate it because as an over thinker, I can definitely get in my own head and feel confused about the simplest things. These types of videos are a great reminder for me when I'm struggling with things in my personal life. I also love your videos because I know that even though you speak objectively to explain something, I know you're very empathetic and understanding because you've gone through a lot of these situations/issues yourself. Thank you for always putting so much work into your videos!!

[andysparks]

This video felt like I'm not alone.

[noellabezzle]

There are few people I can listen to on YouTube. I get too sensitive to noise and sometimes creators who are unpredictably loud, or just too high energy. I enjoy your content because it is easy listening to my ears. Calm, consistent... keep being you

[realcheshirewags]

I thought I finally had a good group of friends in my late twenties finally... I was wrong! Some of my friends seem to use when when it’s convenient for them and when I want help or support they are never there. I have learnt that you can’t force a friendship however hard you try. I’ve learnt early on friends can come and go in life. It’s hard when you invest so much time in a friendship but sometimes you have to let go

[sydneyslate]

4 years ago I met my once best friend. She was all I wanted in a friend, yet had so many negatives that I was blinded to see. I always felt responsible for the way she felt, and felt I had to be the person to help her. With that, I no longer think about my feelings rather than everyone else's, which has put me down academically and mentally. Since October she's made me cry severely times. I always kept going back to her, always feeling like I could've been making a mistake. 5 weeks of regained friendship for the next week me becoming heartbroken and depressed. I've hurt myself, beat myself up mentally, etc over this girl. Two weeks ago when I thought it was getting better she hurt me again. I missed 3 classes because I had to go to the councilors office after going many times before because of her. I always seen this friend as my best friend who understood me and say myself living with in the future, always planning things to do with her. I got home after that day once again in tears.

[eurekal]

You can withdraw yourself from a relationship you consider unhealthy but you can't say it's not genuine as long you respect their boundaries.

[diamond]

Thank you sooo much!!!! I really needed to see this because it's shown me that nearly all my friends are fake...😞...and it's so hard for me to make friends that I do anything to keep the ones I have which are almost always online because it's so hard for me to make friends in person...I'm a good friend to others, but don't get the same in return 😢💔