Do less, become happier, says Yale cognitive scientist | Laurie Santos

This interview is an episode from @The-Well, our publication about ideas that inspire a life well-lived, created with the @JohnTempletonFoundation.

What if our incessant drive for self-improvement isn't always conducive to happiness?

Cognitive scientist Laurie Santos proposes this intriguing question. She notes that while evolution has wired us for relentless self-enhancement, our modern environment, ripe with comparisons and demands for excellence, amplifies this instinct, often to our detriment. The incessant push for "more" and "better" can lead to societal harm, fostering a competitive, individualistic society rather than one rooted in collective harmony and goodwill. Moreover, it can compromise personal happiness. Genuine well-being, Santos suggests, arises from extending compassion towards others and ourselves.

Self-compassion, defined as mindfulness, recognition of common humanity, and self-kindness, can surprisingly enhance performance and resilience without a drill-sergeant approach. Breaking free from the pervasive "hustle culture" requires acknowledging its illusory nature, prioritizing kindness towards oneself, orienting towards others, and practicing gratitude to appreciate one's journey.

0:00 The drive for perfection
1:48 2 consequences of pushing too hard
2:38 3 parts of self-compassion
4:15 Why hustle culture is toxic
4:59 Happiness comes from other-oriented behavior

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About Laurie Santos:
Dr. Laurie Santos is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Yale University. Her research provides an interface between evolutionary biology, developmental psychology, and cognitive neuroscience, exploring the evolutionary origins of the human mind by comparing the cognitive abilities of human and non-human primates. Her experiments focus on non-human primates (in captivity and in the field), incorporating methodologies from cognitive development, animal learning psychology, and cognitive neuroscience.

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Read more from The Well:
Respect alchemy. The crazy, criminal pursuit gave us modern science
Is atheism destroying the moral fabric of society?
AI must be emotionally intelligent before it is super-intelligent

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[yojasmagic]

I got into the habit of actively appreciating the little things in life. I looked up the history of trash cans, for example, and now when I walk past a trash can in a city somewhere, I try to imagine where the materials came from, and who made it, and why here specifically. The knowledge isn't what matters, but appreciating that something is there, and paying attention to specific details about it, helps calm the mind.

[backcountrybushcraft]

Doing less will also let you focus more on what’s important and give you a sense of self worth with those goals are completed. I used to find myself, a lot of the time, doing goals and never finishing them. Only to find myself feeling that I was confirming my self doubts (which weren’t true). It’s a vicious cycle and having the mindfulness to see it, is like having an epiphany. Break that cycle, be kind to yourself, and don’t let ego get in the way. No one’s perfect, but everyone can strive to be better.

[Fellowtellurian]

I worked hard throughout my 20s. I got into a Iiv league graduate program, traveled the world and worked in different cities, climbed to corporate ladder and made a lot of money. It wasn't until I relaxed, stopped working after 5:00, and gardening that I really found my happiness. It's crazy how little you really need to be happy. A small piece of land that you OWN, that you can cultivate and see the things you care about grow. If you have the time, I recommend you join a community garden and allow yourself to reconnect with the natural world. When someone new happens around you like spring flowers or a new wasp nest forms, allow yourself to stop and explore it with your senses. How it the flower constructed, how do the colors change, what insects come to it. There is a MAGNIFICENT world around you playing out. Human civilization is just a tiny portion of that incredible system. Allow yourself to take it all in and find balance. I know that sounds silly but honestly, never been happier than I am today because I stopped to SEE nature.

[davidmitchell]

I am a 57 hour year old divorced male. I had to take an early retirement for health reasons. I don't have nearly as much as would if I was still working but in the last two years I have finally learned how to relax. I don't have many friends on purpose. I live in a nice little apartment with my dog and we gave to the trails and parks in the area every morning for a few hours, then we come home eat lunch take a nap and just live a quiet dignified life.

[catherinewilson]

It took me 65 years to learn and understand this concept. Perfection is NOT desirable! Being kind to others and loving IS! And being this way with oneself can be the MOST productive❣️

[lizblock]

As someone with a chronic medical condition, I can just about handle the basics (laundry, groceries, dishes) and I'm so grateful I can do those because it could be so much worse. I've had to find so much patience with how little I can do. There has been so much letting go to be able to find peace in where I'm at. They say, be yourself, everyone else is taken. There could be a similar meme for, be right where you're at...

[gustav.k]

This might be the best advice I've gotten in 3 years. As an Architecture student, having just finished up my Bachelors Degree at a highly competitive University, I'm among many who have become truly miserable, attempting to constantly best ourselves and do better all the time without (ironicallly) giving our selves room to breathe. While I'm currently applying for positions at firms all around my area, it's been a personal struggle to find true gratitude in my work because I was always pressing to do the next big thing, but now looking back on it, and making a portfolio of my work, it's truly marvelous what I've achieved. Breaking the cycle of pessimism is so important and I will think of this message every single day.

[physioweng]

The sad truth is that, as a millennial you can’t even survive without hustling (unless you have wealthy boomer parents). Someone out there is always willing to do more than you and take your place. We did not choose the hustle culture, the hustle culture chose us. We are all just adapting to the system that’s intrinsically flawed.

[kierlak]

Not feeling "good enough" is often rooted in childhood. Our external critics when growing up often become our internal ones. As adults we have a choice to practice being enough. Things such as positive self-talk, journalling, stopping and acknowledging our progress. Inner child work can be helpful: statements such as: "You don't have to do this or that. Just be YOU. You are enough. I love you just as you are. Always will".

Our self worth doesn't equal our achievements/accomplishments. It's often about accepting ourselves just as we are ❤

[funnytv-]

The anxiety you sometimes feel is an opportunity...
...to pause
...to sit with it
...to look towards it with kindness and curiosity
...to discover something it’s been meaning to tell you

Whenever tension finds you, know that it comes with an invitation to rest on your Fabulous path. Sit with the feeling and offer it kindness, knowing the earth can support you. Treat yourself with compassion, even, and especially, if anxiety is present.

[BusterDarcy]

Self-compassion has been a huge mind shift for me in my personal life and my career. When you stop beating yourself up for making mistakes you open yourself up to trying more and learning when your efforts don’t succeed, which leads to the progress and growth you’d been striving for but didn’t realize you were preventing by being so hard on yourself. You also just feel better and happier. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that going easy on yourself will mean you’ll stop caring and make more mistakes and slow or even reverse your progress in life or your career but it’s just the opposite. Self-compassion has the power to propel you forward and feel great doing it.

[braedenmckean]

I was in the worst state of mental health of my life the last semester out of high-school, and literally me just LIVING my final highschool summer has restored so much to my overall wellbeing. Sometimes, just being is what you need.

[soumyaripan]

Everything happens so fast now. The constant struggle to catchup in life and

There are many good points here. Thank you!

[rayflyhigh]

I had to watch this three times. I needed this, thank you

[dvdmon]

I think one of the key pieces to this is something that was kind of glossed over a bit, not given it's central role in happiness. That is, comparison. If we didn't compare ourselves to others, we would likely not be jumping through hoops to get the things they have, but which are essentially not REQUIRED for living. Yes, there are safety systems and medical technologies that help us live to an old age, but outside of these advances, people did just fine with much less for thousands of years. But we see (in wealthy industrialized countries) our friends have cell phones, PCs, tablets, TVs, cars, and jobs that allow them to buy these things, they have vacations to foreign countries. They eat out once, twice, or seven days per week. They have creature comforts that people just 100 years ago would marvel at. We don't need all of these things, but because our parents had them, they feel like they are baseline necessities, that not having them means we are failing compared to our cohorts, and so we must do everything we can to maintain the same lifestyle, even if it means working 60 hours or more per week. Parents also push their kids to get into the best colleges and get important jobs because they see it as a reflection on them - everything is a competition for validation and admiration. As soon as you stop looking for these things and really start asking yourself the deeper questions about life and why you are here, having all these things starts to fade. They become orniments, or things that are "supposed to" make you happy and fulfilled but can never accomplish that because every time you upgrade to a newer/better thing/experience, there will be people out there that still have more/better stuff than you and you will somehow feel "lacking" compare to them. Stop comparing yourself and start looking inward at what's important.

[jjn]

This is what I've been espousing for years for myself and the teams I've led. I've pushed back on leadership who push for more productivity, more results, causing burnout and attrition. Nothing in the macro scale is meant to grow indefinitely besides cancer and space. Even in those cases, there is a terminal end point.

[town]

A counselor once told me that the next time I make a mistake and I’m hard on myself, pretend I’m a friend and record the advice o would give them. I’m a lot nicer when it’s a friend and not myself Apparently.
Positive Self talk is critical.

[Hungry_Tree_Ghost]

Last weekend, I was fabricating a piece of some exercise equipment that's obsolete. It was pretty stressful getting everything bent right, cut right, and I was also teaching myself how to TIG for the second time ever. As i was putting my hood down, I could see my reflection in the display as if i was face to face with myself. I said out loud while looking into my eyes "you got this brother." It actually felt like somebody else gave me a pep talk.

[kasondaleigh]

She is a wonderful teacher!
Great voice, easy to understand points and useful suggestions.

[stillwalking]

As a PhD student in a foreign land, I struggle with this urge to do more but also frustration not doing/able to do more as I intended can hurt my mental health. It is hard to make a balance between ambition and realistic slow step by step approach to reach there, as progress itself is slow in creative spaces. We need to be alone in our journey, but the loneliness sucks as well in this era. It's not 1960s anymore with the internet. Other people can be a distraction from being burn-out in work; but crowd is also a noise to our inner system and values.