How to be happier in 5 steps with zero weird tricks | Laurie Santos

This interview is an episode from @The-Well, our publication about ideas that inspire a life well-lived, created with the @JohnTempletonFoundation.

Sometimes, it’s really hard to be happy. And there’s a reason for that: The human brain isn’t hard-wired for happiness. Why? Because happiness isn’t essential for survival. To make matters worse, our minds can deceive us when it comes to happiness, leading us to chase things that won’t make us happy in the long run.

To solve for this, Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos recommends a set of practices, dubbed “re-wirements.” These practices include prioritizing social connection, being other-oriented, focusing on gratitude and blessings, and incorporating exercise into our daily routine.

By understanding the common pitfalls of our thinking and adopting new behaviors, we can achieve true happiness, and make it last. For Santos, happiness isn’t just a state; it’s an ongoing practice.

0:00 Happiness? Natural selection doesn’t care.
0:59 4 annoying mind features ruining your happiness
3:33 5 ways to rewire your behavior for more happiness
6:56 Listen to your negative emotions

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About Laurie Santos:
Dr. Laurie Santos is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Yale University. Her research provides an interface between evolutionary biology, developmental psychology, and cognitive neuroscience, exploring the evolutionary origins of the human mind by comparing the cognitive abilities of human and non-human primates. Her experiments focus on non-human primates (in captivity and in the field), incorporating methodologies from cognitive development, animal learning psychology, and cognitive neuroscience.

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Read more from The Well:
Theology professor: “Ancient Aliens” is fantasy fiction for atheists
Why the search for meaning is not a job for science — or religion
Eastern philosophy says there is no “self.” Science agrees

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About The Well
Do we inhabit a multiverse? Do we have free will? What is love? Is evolution directional? There are no simple answers to life’s biggest questions, and that’s why they’re the questions occupying the world’s brightest minds.

Together, let's learn from them.

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[turkeytrotproductions]

1. Be Social
2. Be others-oriented (serve)
3. Gratitude
4. Savor moments (be present)
5. Work-out

[breal]

One more thing: We need to accept that suffering is part of life. This allows us to be more resilient when tragedy strikes. Resilient people tend to be happier.

[itzhakbentov]

Within the span of a year, I lost my career, house, wife and my freedom. I went to prison for 5 years. After I got out of prison, I was forced to move back to my home state. I lived with my elderly parents. They happily received me. Since my return it seems like my expectations in life have been reset. I now greet every day with a joy that I never knew existed.

[TV-xmps]

I have been living a minimalistic life for 5 years now (it slowly developed that way). Honestly, to my own surprise it made me happier. For me, minimalistic means owing only the absolute minimum I need, and it automatically lead to me not comparing with others. Works well for me.

[Lola]

Money won't make you happy but being broke will make you sad.

[paulanicole]

i think also the thing that has helped me greatly is realizing that happiness should not actually be your goal. it is not normal to only experience happiness all the time nor is it a final resting stage that you'll never leave. you will be happy, and then you will be sad or angry or fearful or everything in between. accepting that these are just feelings that are going to come and go, and not turning any of them into "bad" or unwanted feelings has helped me.

[jenmdawg]

When I met my SO he said to me “to get the life you want, want the life you have”. That sparked something profound and simple in my imagination and learning how to “amor fati” has transformed my whole life from the INSIDE out.
10 years ago I was an overweight, depressed, C-PTSD suffering, anxious and inflamed mess. Getting up before noon was an accomplishment, reading a book was a miracle, being kind was a chore and self loathing was baked in to entitlement I didn’t even know was there.
Anyway, his comment was the start of who I’ve become and when he died suddenly 2 years ago - he’d given me the insight and health I needed to navigate the despair of the loss.
We all know something is deeply wrong with our relationship to the external events in our lives…
The world is at odds with nature/life and in each of us is the chance-responsibility- possibility to reconcile them.
Kindness can be learned, love can produce best outcomes, wisdom is innate if we tap into our relationships with nature.

[thelifeofahuman]

I am so happy that Laurie said that these are not for some one suffering from chronic suicidality or a grave mental illness, because sometimes when I have periods of psychotic depression I become someone different and nothing really works other than my meds prescribed by my psychiatrist. Thank you so much for acknowledging that. ❤

[funnytv-]

“We live as though there aren't enough hours in the day, but if we do each thing calmly and carefully, we will get it done quicker and with much less stress.” - Viggo Mortensen

You are able to bring more of yourself when you concentrate. As the day progresses, you may realize how quickly you accomplish tasks when you slow down to give them your undivided attention. In the words of Viggo Mortensen, “go slow to go fast.”

[iamsofs]

A couple of days ago, I came back from a trip which my friends and I had signed up as volunteers. We spent the *whole* day running around from place to place since we were in the "transport" section of volunteers. Almost without time to take a break we were engaging with hundreds of different people all the time, in a constant social interaction between strangers and our mates.

Which means that, during those four days of madness, I felt the happiest. Despite my sweaty hair and stiffness in my whole body, my face was shining with light, as I would notice later on in the photos that I took.

And that's because the five ways to achieve happiness that this video shows ( 4:04 ) where bring put in practice:
1. Social connection
(As I explained, there was constant interaction)
2. Other-orientedness
(My friends and I worked for others, without expecting anything in return)
3. Gratitude
(I felt thankful many times, about many things that I cant even count)
4. Savouring
(Every single smile, touch, word of encouragement... It all felt like heaven)
5. Excercise
(As I stated before, we really put to test our strength and energy)

I want to go back the next year. And I plan to apply the life-style that I've learned there to my everyday life. I won't be easy and sometimes I won't be able to achieve it. But it's worth the try... Specially after experiencing first hand the taste of pure joy and happiness.

I really really encourage you guys to try volunteer work. It's simply beautiful.

[Grungni]

People that say money won't makes you happier clearly have no idea about poverty.

[vicentediaztrepat]

I remember Laurie from when I was doing the "the science of well-being" course! so nice to see her still active on youtube.

[hendrasutika]

Why we are not happy:
1. we have false intuition of what actually can make us happy
2. perpetually comparing what we have with what other people have
3. what we think make us happy at first place, doesn’t have the same impact over time
4. we have a bias about what might happen in the future

[toni]

I've actually seen research say that money does indeed make people happier, but it depends on what you do with the money. Spending it on others and on experiences makes you happier than on material goods.

To me personally, it doesn't make sense that money wouldn't make you happier. Money can buy you better quality food, better quality healthcare, you can take control of your environment more, you have better access to exercise and advice on how to do it best, and it can give you access to in person hobbies where you can meet people with similar interests. People also often say that they feel better dressing up and taking care of themselves, and that also costs money.

[chicobicalho]

Excellent points. Here is an interesting antidote to depression: Rescue, and care for an animal in desperate condition, an older animal that needs love and attention, and this animal's gratitude will transform your life in ways unimaginable. The love reciprocity that emerges from rescuing such animal makes for one of the most beautiful life experiences, and in the end, one may ask; who ended up saving whom?

[lauriepolden]

I have not even watched this video but as a person who is 63 this year 64 I’ve learned from being alone over 20 years. That happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. It’s what makes you happy that makes the difference what makes me happy or peaceful Are the quiet things in life a sunset… playing with my dogs in the yard, creating some thing, whether it be an arbor for my garden or a shelf for my kitchen planting flowers accomplishments make me feel good they make me happy. I want nothing more than peace, quiet enjoyment sitting under my willow tree in the hammock in the spring, reading, a book, listening to the birds, I do not fight with people anymore. I have pushed my entire family out of my life because they are narcissistic stirring up things that don’t need to be stirred up making people unhappy. I’m not going to live that life anymore. I choose to be happy I choose to be alone, because inviting people into my life does not make me happy, it’s emotional upset and I won’t go there anymore ever so I watch the sun come up in the morning I take a deep breath and I have a cuppa coffee I play with my dogs I laugh, I feed the birds I plant flowers I go for walks nobody has to be miserable. It’s your choice choices are what we do the consequences of those choices. Can either make us happy or make us miserable.

[robsawalker]

Great video! I would say I am happy about 95% of the time, and I do all these things. I am not rich, but I'm not poor. I am very interested in others, love to talk to strangers, I care about my close friends and family and love doing things for others; I genuinely savour good music, good books, art, watching wildlife and being in nature. I also exercise regularly. So this seems to align well with me.

[axelsylvian]

As a content creator, I stopped caring of what other people think about me and follow whatever gives me purpose. Taking care of myself has made me happy.

[MuhammadDaif]

I have been a huge fan of Laurie since the science of well being and I listen semi regularly to the happiness lap. I find most of the tips and tricks and subjects she brings up very useful.
The only point I really struggle to convince myself with is the "stop comparing yourself to others" point. This is not just a mind tendency, but also a societal daily force ! We've been trained since school to compare ourselves to others, and as adults it feels like we're trapped in a rat race. I think most of this comparison to others doesn't stem from being jealous, rather by being terrified of the future, and feeling that others are doing better than us in the modern survival game :)

[MATU]

1. Get out of your ego and appreciate your gifts 2. Give something to someone else 3. Do something meaningful 4. Life is more than possessions. _Excellent job Laurie Santos.