20 Things I Wish I Knew in my 20s | Sam Cushing

Here are 20 Things I Wish I Knew While Dating in my 20s. I'm still trying to internalize a lot of this stuff myself, so hopefully it doesn't come across as preachy :) #dating #gaydating

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[palkiadialga]

Im in my early 20s and I just started dating guys recently. I have been on 2 dates now already and both times they did not want anything serious, just some casual fun which I had to decline. And it was so hard to even get those dates as this community is heavy on hookups and people ghosting for no reason. If this is what dating is gonna be in this comnunity then im gonna go back dating women.

[Ulvaeus]

Lots of good advice, but without a doubt the most important one that’s tripped me up again and again is: words are cheap, action is everything. There are a lot of people who tell you want they think you want to hear because they’re too uncomfortable with conflict to be honest with you. What they don’t realize is that it’s way more hurtful to do this to someone in the long run. It makes it very hard to trust. And it’s really weak behaviour on the part of the person telling you things they don’t really mean.

[robertschwartz]

Wise words, I agree that you should know when to cut your losses and move on, but, still, give people a chance first.

[brianwilliams]

Sam, you are really trying to help people especially the young ones. Great advice! One thing, if you don’t have trust, it is like a house without a foundation. Trust is lost in buckets and gained in drops. Better to end the relationship when trust is lost or you will spend years drying yourself crazy because you will never fully trust again.

[LenHealsU]

Just love all your videos Sam! I might add that another (important) barometer to measure whether someone is the "right" person is his consciousness. What I mean to say is if he has the consciousness or mentality of "What's in it for me", run for the hills; but if his consciousness is "What's in it for us", grab him!

[lourovanniekerk]

Very wise Sam!! Althought I am 33 already and have only been in one relationship...wish I was out there more in my 20s!! So it's lovely to hear the things you've learnt looking back!! 😊

[edwarren]

Great advice. I would add "cherish the grain of your own wood." Everyone has value and should cherish that value. You will know you have encountered a quality person when they also cherish your value.

[jeffwatkins]

Spot on advice, all 20 points. In the final analysis, it's all about honesty, self-knowledge, and acting on those with generosity tempered by knowing your own limits. I don't watch these as something interested in the dating game. At age 71, I'm done with that. But it's a joy to see a man so young and beautiful with so much wisdom.

[BigTinyLife]

Sam you bring so much light to the world. Your energy, sincerity, smile, kindness, joy for life and so much more is simply infectious. Thank you for being you and being a part of the energy of the world that makes such a positive influence. You are appreciated. ❤❤

[deadlysilence]

Great advice Sam!!! I have a friend in his late 20s who definitely needs to heed your advice on "If someone tells you something about themselves, believe them the first time they tell you". His boyfriend keeps telling him repeatedly that he (the boyfriend) is not good enough for him and doesn't deserve him. My friend keeps trying to reassure him that they're good but he keeps having to provide that reassurance. The last time I saw my friend with his bf, I could tell by looking at his face that he wasn't entirely happy in his relationship. I hope that for my friend's sake, it doesn't take something horrible happening before he makes a definitive decision but I feel like he keeps taking on things that allow him to defer addressing his relationship issues. It's really not fair to either of them to keep dragging out a relationship if it really isn't going anywhere. I've seen this playout before with a different friend in a very similar situation and while that was a painful breakup for him, in the end my other friend and his ex are now in much better places in life.

[pqydcfo]

Sam, thanks for all the insightful advice! One of my friends told me something that resonated so much - getting to know what kind of friends they have around too. I truly firmly believe how true this Japanese saying is that goes "who's around you mirrors your personality".

[EushaHaque-wz]

by the way you dont need to feel awkward or anything be you we are all here to support you

[alexwallace]

Thanks for being so open and honest. Also I haven't seen you in awhile, and your still so cute/Handsome. I'm an older guy 63 yrs. old, started dating at age 20, while still in the closet. The first boyfriend was only 4 month, he was 14 yrs. older, he broke it off, but we eventually became friends and occasional lovers. The second I was 28, he was 38.While we were together in San Diego, things were fairly healthy. When he moved away up to Northern CA, we broke up. I 1/2 yrs. he wanted me Back, so I left my healthy life in San Diego. Once up North, he immediately started to push me away socially and sexually. WE stayed together 2 yrs., then broke up. So Heartbreaking. Then 3-4 yrs. later met a guy, at a house party, remember this town of 7000, probably had 60 Gay men, most in couples. This guy and I had, fun, dinner r, drinks, wine, OH, he was 16 yrs. older. We even took trips to San Francisco for a long week-end. Well, he only wanted a semi-'boyfriend, no seriousness and no real love, and no commitment. We broke up, , friendly, and I was to move back to the Northeast help my sick father. Well, no one since as I am picky, and I don't want to get hurt again. I just feel better alone and with my friends and church. I do get lonely occasionality I'm not worrying or obsessing over someone else.

[yosuesoler]

Sam thank you for reminding myself that I obsess over the space, I also went through a hardship with my bestie and got confused because he is the only one I have been able to connect with yet, he decided to friend zone me for him not to lose our connection

[noelleggett]

All 100% true. Congratulations!
The most important to remember are #7, #2 and #1.

[jackcoyle]

Sam. Some of the topics you touched on happened to me already and I tried very hard to pick myself up and move on from a person in plain words was using me. I for the longest time felt like a lost puppy but I finally after a long time past found my inner self and moved on picked myself up and was determined to meet someone in my life that was so special in every way as I am to him. Sorry for rambling here but I want you to know that I loved that you stated those topics because it hit home with me. Thank you Sam for being there. I wish all the love to you. You’re a person that can make sense of a sometimes ugly world. With love. C u jack

[karlwolf]

Sam, these are wonderful insights! As a 69 year old gay man, I find myself saying “yes!” To each of these. Well done!

[jjgreen]

This could not have came at a more perfect time in my own 20s dating life ❤

[michaelblancato]

@samcushing so glad to see you back on utube sam!! nothing wrong with internalizing stuff!!

[martinnavarro]

THIS VIDEO CAME OUT AT THE PERFECT TIME. THANK YOU SO MUCH. IM 20 AND IT ACTUALLY IS A ROLLER COASTER. TOO MUCH ANXIETY.