Julia Samuel on The Guilt Monster: Grief's Complicated Sidekick

One thing that is almost as inevitable as death is the guilt we experience after the death of a loved one. Could we have done something differently, or more often? Could we have devoted more quality time to them? Is there something we wish we'd said or done...or not said or done?

Regrets can be hidden away in shame and can fester, sometimes holding us back for years following the death of a loved one. In this enlightening discussion, Julia Samual MBE seeks to demystify the role that guilt plays in bereavement. She will offer her expert insight, wisdom and compassion to those who are struggling with guilt in grief.

Julia Samuel is one of the UK's leading psychotherapists. She has written two bestselling books about grief - GriefWorks and This Too Shall Pass - and she recently launched a 5* rated app for those who are grieving, Grief Works - a 28 day course to soothe your pain, build your strength and heal.

[pippenlapue]

Julia Samuel is incredible.
Sooo insightful. Her words are sooo healing for me.

[marlenesmithies]

I feel guilty that I did not protect my son in hospital and made sure that his care was better. He was treated as no one, not important. My son was moved 7 times in 10 days and was never on the appropriate ward. All the time they kept telling me “He is not our patient he is an outlier.” His care was not appropriate for his needs. I just wish that I had pushed more. I was a nurse and knew the care and compassion on the various wards was not good enough and often non existent. I feel so guilty that I didn’t protect him more in his last few days.,

[ry]

I feel that if my pain and guilt diminishes and I become happy and content again, it would mean that my love has lessened . I never want that to happen even if I have to suffer like this for the rest of my life .
My wife died of cancer nearly three years ago but I suffer the same pain constantly . There is so much I want to say to her . If I could only tell her one more time that I adore her . She gave me the last 56 years of her life . I often feel I can no longer live without her . I just carry on for my son and granddaughter . The house remains the same as that terrible day she left it for the last time to go into hospital . I still have all her personal things and her car .
Rest in contentment and peace my darling Janet . I hope one day we can spend eternity together .x

[hildebeerens]

Thank you, this interview is really helpful for me. The strategies make perfect sense now.❤

[BUBBLESPOGO]

I'm not responsible for my husband not going to the doctor and refusing to acknowledge he had heart disease even though he had all the signs even at 42 when we first got married.

It's just the day he died, I insisted that he fix the car when he wanted to put it off. He died in the ambulance at the place where he was fixing the car and wasn't able to.put the tire back on
He really tried hard to get it done.

I was told that he had been suffering severe chest pains at 8 am which was the time I called him. He died at 912pm


I called him to tell him his supper was ready and to see if he was alright. He never mentioned to me he was having chest pains. He told me he was fine..

So when he called me at 9pm to tell me he was very sorry because he realized he knew he was going to die, and I took the apology to mean he was sorry he didn't listen to my pleas to see the doctor.

I feel if he had went to the heart doctor. It may have saved his life but maybe not, because he had severe atherosclerotic heart disease.

I miss him so much words cannot describe his loss😢😢😢😢😢

He would never complain. If I if he was feeling okay he would always tell me he was fine. He didn't need to be like that with me. I worked in a hospital environment for 25 years in cancer and surgery unit. I'm a strong person
I could have helped him but he was afraid of doctors from childhood trauma of a clueless mother taking him to mean dentists, etc. Also. He was traumatized by his mother's inability to protect her own child from medical professionals. He refused to go along with them and as an adult refused to see doctors

[MORCOPOLO]

My mother recently passed away. Granted my mother had a lot of health issues, But I used to get in to political arguments with my brother. And this would stress her out. One time I could not bite my tongue and swallow my pride and I had to respond back and add a few oppinions. The timing was right there when she started decliining. She was having trouble sleeping and her blood pressure was out of control. I can't help but think that if I had just swallowed my pride, she would not have declined like that. I took for granted that time was limited. I should have swallowed my pride for her sake.

[suegibson]

Guilt turning your spouse over to hospice

[upstatenewyork]

Julia is great. The host not so much and she would have had a better video if she hadn’t included herself into the presentation but let Julia be the focus.