What Happens As We Die? | Kathryn Mannix | TED

Have we lost the practical wisdom of what happens as people die? With lessons from a career witnessing thousands of people's final breaths, palliative care expert Kathryn Mannix urges us to demystify the experience of death, sharing how a better understanding of what actually happens can reduce fear in the final days, for you and your loved ones.

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[tomf]

My wife Angie took her last few breaths surrounded by her family with me hugging her and saying “I love you” in her ear while listening to her breathing. That last breath was an exhale. Nothing dramatic. Just a regular exhale. Then nothing. Her heart stopped almost immediately. I’ve read about people dying and looking down at their bodies as they move on. I wish I had looked up and blown her a kiss. That was 5 years ago. Married 45 years. I miss her every second of every day.

[frostywelder]

I witnessed my mother’s final days after she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer that had spread thru out her body. I honored her wish to not go to a nursing home. My wife and I moved her into ours. One week after we did that she died in our downstairs living area. I watched her lose her ability to walk, speak and feed herself. She spent 2 days unconscious and not responding to what went on. It wasn’t pleasant to watch. I knew the inevitable end was coming. My wife and I kept her comfortable as much as possible. The night she passed my wife told me to go to bed and sleep and she would wake me when it was over. At that time she held my mother’s hand and prayed with her till her last breath. I can never repay her for that kind and simple act. She was with my mother till the end. I learned that day what it means for someone to be your rock. Your guide. I love her deeply for that. My mother is at rest now for over two years. She was cared for on her dying bed. I never witnessed her last breaths and I have no regrets over that. People shouldn’t have to die in nursing homes in my opinion.

[ellenignatius]

I sat with & cared for my father as he was dying. In last hours before death he was in a coma. He had asked to be placed in his favorite chair before he went into a coma. In last hour he opened his eyes very wide staring in front of of him. His eyes then squinted as if he was looking into a very bright light. He then reached out his arms straight in front of him as if beckoning someone. He then began to move his mouth as if talking, but no verbal noise. After a moment he slowly closed his eyes, lowered his arms & fell into the final peaceful sleep & he died about several hours later. It was beautiful - his family who had gone before him were coming for him & he crossed over into another realm.

[A.C.Albert]

People often refuse to talk about mortality but ignore the fact that we are all facing it. Thank you so much for your sharing Kathryn.

[chrisjames]

This description of dying is what I witnessed, slowly, over a week or so by my mother's bedside. The distressing part was watching her carers go through their routine on each visit. Toward the end I had to say "Can't you see she's dying, stop trying to wash her, feed her, interfere with her, please leave her in peace". I hope this TED talk will become mandatory viewing for Carers. Thank you Kathryn.

[brightstreamify]

Thank you for this, from a 75 year old woman who may be facing a return of cancer. Thank you so much 🙏

[jodalry]

After listening to you Katheryn, I just want to give you a big hug and say thank you! I’m currently a quite healthy 65 year old but you just took, away my fear of dying. 🙂

[tashihishey]

"Death is not a medical event, it is a social event." Thank you Kathryn.

[annteve]

Feeling near the end of her life my mother asked me to come home to attend her. Her wish was to die at home. My father had passed away at home nearly 20 years earlier (I had moved home to attend my father in his last two years of life as well.) In her final months, I had to shield her from incredible pressure exerted by my siblings to institutionalise her as they felt—against mother’s repeated pleas to pass at home—it “would be better for her”. She pass peacefully in her sleep in her own bed in her own home. We have to respect the wishes of dying—I did. Only one of four siblings has spoken to me since. Such is the cost of caring.

[maranatha_]

I experienced this quite often as a geriatric nurse. Nobody dares to talk of death with the dying. I did it - and it always was the moment the person could let loose and handle it.

[AlistairPaterson-hnby]

I’m 95 years old and most of my friends and colleagues are dead but I love life, mother point of which is to enjoy it.

[Thalamus]

This describes with 100% accuracy what I experienced when my mother passed. She spent her last year in "elderly home", gradually getting weaker. Visited her on a semi regular basis. The night after new years, I was met by a nurse, when I arrived. She said, your mother will most probably die during the night. Called my sister, and we stayed with her until the last breath. She was very aware that we where there, but, kept falling in and out. Now I know, she wasn't in pain, so, thank you for explaining.

[chrish]

I stayed with my dad for hes last 4 days 7 months ago.. i was cuddling him and watched him take hes last breath. Will stay with me forever. Blessed i got to be there with my dad. Love him and miss him so much 💞

[mylesreza]

My 76 yo Australian lady friend (no kids, no partner) just passed away this Wednesday
January 3, 2024.
Colon cancer,
12months on Chemo.
One month in Hospital
as a palliative stage.
She loves Christmas
so I visited her on
Christmas day and
boxing day, tuesday
after New year 2024. Wednesday afternoon
is gone. Before
she passed away
I've got all the
GOODBYE connection.
I connected the energy
to her friends who didn't
know she is in hospital.
20 years as friend.😢
❤❤❤

[Ribberflavenous]

We have lost touch with this last phase of our lives, and the unknown is always a source of fear. This was very well done and should be provided to those who are dying for everyone's comfort. It is a completely natural and inevitable event that we all need to understand so it can be as peaceful as possible.

[vitamcrae]

Beautifully spoken, with such grace and compassion. My mother passed 6 months ago and what you described is what we were told she would go through. I found it fascinating but at the same time i didnt feel scared or frightened as i thought i would, rather, i was calm watching her go through the transitions...mum was not in any pain and very relaxed. This put my brother and I at ease as she had had a difficult life. Im not the same person since witnessing this...

[SimonHuggins]

Beautiful. My wife worked in an elderly people’s home some years ago, and at that time they still laid people out respectfully, combed their hair etc. Death was part of the community, and it was treated as respectfully as living, and was part of the process of living. Not hidden. Not exactly celebrated. But treated respectfully. They had a rook they called Damian who without fail would land on the roof of the unit where the next person was going to go. This is part of nature, and we so need to integrate it into our lives again in this kind of respectful way. Thank you for your talk - a beautiful reminder, with simple facts that should really be taught early on in our lives - making it easier for those whose loved ones are passing on too.

[johnbee]

What a brilliant and heart warming talk. I would hope that all who watch this will share it with their friends and loved ones. And if you cannot share the video, then share the message.

[RevEricEvans]

Thank you for sharing this. I totally agree. In the last few days my dad's life, he went through some things that were difficult to watch. I happen to come across a video from a hospice nurse who explained some of the things that I was seeing, and it helped me so much. She help me understand that what he was going through was not something that he needed to be rescued from but that was a very natural part of his dying.

[LimeGrapeTime]

Wow. Just... Wow. My grandmother died last month and had a terrible two weeks before being put into hospice care. The things she was going through at the hospital scared me. But on her last day. I was the first one to get to the hospital and she was awake and alert. Sadly, she complained a lot about being in a lot of pain. The staff started giving her the pain meds and then it started. Everything she described started two weeks before she passed. But that breathing pattern... Exactly how she described it. I haven't even cried about it yet. I've been avoiding that dark hole. But this almost got me there before I was able to catch it. Great vid. I wish someone was able to really talk to her about what was coming. I'm glad she isn't suffering anymore. I'll miss her cute gummy smile.