Cognitive Dissonance - Why It's So Common In Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse and cognitive dissonance are intimately linked.

Our heads make up stories to somehow justify all the horrific things this person is doing to us. These stories override the gut feeling that is telling us to run … instead we listen to the story, accept the story and stay for more abuse to be dumped on us.

I suffered greatly from cognitive dissonance; I simply didn’t want to accept that this toxic entity did not have the capacity to be a decent human being. No matter what he did to me, and it got progressively worse, I still made excuses and even felt sorry for him.

In today’s video I explain how this this dynamic plays out and what I did, and you can do, to authentically and durably stop this circus. I promise you it is life changing and possibly even life saving!

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#CognitiveDissonance #meltoniaevans

[catherinewholey]

My ex threatened to leave every week to create this way of thinking in me. He would go out and get drunk, come home and be physically and emotionally violent, I would shut down for a couple of days and then he would be all "sweetness and light" and sometimes even apologetic before embarking on the same behaviour the next week. After a lifetime of no boundaries this behaviour was something I thought I had to put up with. I would now never put up with this.. I have worked very hard on my boundaries and self-esteem and now know how totally unacceptable this is.

[txknitnurse]

I didn’t know what to call this feeing of being stuck. After years of lies, theft, being ignored, disrespected. I still thought he would change and just be honest and nice if I kept working on out relationship. So that’s not going to happen and I need to change my programming. I want to do it get out of this prison. Your insight helps a lot.

[dianabowles]

God Bless You !!!!And the truth shall set Us FREE!!!!

[Ashbyee]

It works. I am three years out from this program. It CHANGED my life. Thank you Melanie. From the bottom of my heart. ❤️

[peterknyk]

Thank you so much Melanie! At the end you said “I hope this makes sense and gives you hope“ it did!!! 🙏🏻❤️🦋❤️🙏🏻

[americasariesson]

Does anyone else feel like they are, regardless of the “ try everything under the sun “ approach to life feel like they are perpetually confused and lost on this planet ? Hard to explain but I always say I feel like I was born here without the instruction manual - I’ve wondered if I am high functioning autistic at times ..detached, lost, unable to “ get” how things work here. I am a direct speaker so I don’t do well with the playing field most seem to thrive in or find an easier time in this landscape. Like they can see and I am doing life with a blindfold putting out maximum energy just to keep up.

[Margotti]

It feels like you are talking about me!! Omg I went through all of it to a T!!! I can’t even believe it!!!

[blankearth]

I tried expressing to strangers online about my trauma from family that lacked unconditional love and they just said that I was just being a victim and asked me a pretty hurtful question “who are you and why should they love and care for you?”. Now I’m constantly feeling cognitive dissonance and it’s absolutely mind numbing… the spiral never EVER ends….

[birgittaernstdotter]

Great explanation of how our brain with cognative dissonance talks us into staying in the old patterns of narcissistic abuse! And that we need to trust the gut feeling to get out of the abuse asap. THANKS to you Melanie & LOVE to ALL from Sweden in the very north of the globe 🌍 ✨🌟❤️🎄

[laurelmarshall]

Yes, I HAD it! A ton of it. Since I signed up for a gold membership in Narp last Aug. 2020 & I've worked all the modules to the best of my ability, I feel like I am slowly, slowly throwing off the shackles the my narcissist parent imprinted me with since before I can even recall. I just feel so grateful now that I am NO longer living with the extreme heaviness and confounding, paralyzing never-ending confusion & frustration of the cognitive dissonance I felt so intensely 7 or so years ago. It was if I was being stabbed with a thousand double-edged knives that the covert narcissist (my father) had set up. I still couldn't see what was wrong in my family & ended up blaming & punishing myself. I didn't know that this was my father's 'plan'. I couldn't believe it at first. My naivete & denial had gone on for so long, where triangulation, scapegoating, stonewalling & passive-aggressive relations were the norm. It was far easier to just accept my father's version of reality & just 'go-along' to 'get along'. I just never realized that I had been "groomed" to not be aware of the abuse & damage TO me and my family that was happening right under my nose. It is because of my working the Narp program and feeling the support of NARP, as well as my new awakenings that I'm now realizing the many blessings both to me and to my family. And my family (my daughter, my son and my husband are ALL healing now at our own pace. Life is good! (I never thought that I'd be saying this...). Thank you Melanie, from the bottom of my heart. This is like a miracle; a dream come true.

[LaChika]

Thank you. I've been struggling with this for over 3 months with the ex. It's so easy to fall into that rabbit hole and lose your mind, to the point of losing the colours of life.

[chilloften]

18 months and still ruminating a short term, 5 month, stint with a narc.
Still wondering...if only I did this or that or said this or that. Ugh.
But I couldn’t, I was into the control and lies, and manipulations and wanted out.
I do wish I’d made my mind more clear, like very, very, very clear. But then, maybe this would all be even worse than it is now.
In fact, he still lies.

[mjcjjcc]

My childhood was full of abuse, especially gaslighting. I had to educate myself about what kinds of emotional abuses these narcissists are capable of then i healed my wounds, by applying truth salve. I also learned from my AID how to deal with toxic people. Once healed their verbal onslaught doesn't move me and the absence of reaction from me renders them the perpetrator that the are. It is very uncomfortable for them

[peterknyk]

Hi again Melanie! ISomething kept telling me to listen to this video again tonight! My earlier thoughts and feelings were really impacted.... i've never thought about emotional infidelity before you mentioned it tonight....At this point I don't know if the emotional infidelity was worse than the sexual infidelity but I can assure you that they were both horrible to go through! Both have left a deep wound....and certainly cognitive dissonance...., I feel encouraged that the modules and the other sources available through NARP are going to help me with this! Thank you for opening me up to another reality and thank you for giving me the opportunity and guidance to heal from this reality.... I thought it was important to share this with you! Lots of love! ❤️🦋❤️

[portiafernandez]

thanks melanie! Looking forward to thrive!

[acynthiaforsythe]

You saved my life.. Absolutely..
What so ever will back to you 7 fold..
love and blessings Melanie🙏🏾❤️
T2bt

[ddavies]

This is a very important video! Thankyou so much Melanie. It has helped me today.

[idashaw]

This video applies to all relationships whether romantic or just friends. It helped me reaffirm that I need to work on my boundaries. Its more important that I know them and if they are not respected in actions that's not a match for me. I can still be polite to the person but I know its not a healthy situation.

[flowerpower]

Yea I understand things much better, I don't even think of him in the same way now. I left him I was more disappointed than anything, I felt we could still be friends but the hurt was too much it's almost 2years since I left him I'm no contact now, got my life and self back and I'm more Wise now your videos are the very best I have watched, Thank you so much well done 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[paulzedxninja]

It's difficult to just relax when you're mind is allover the place. 😝