Men: Never Feel Jealous Again

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00:00 Are you jealous of your partner's past?
01:40 Acknowledge and validate your feelings
03:27 Get to the root of your jealousy
05:08 Reframe your mindset
06:48 Communicate openly and honestly
09:00 Seek professional help

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#CaitlinV

[johnw]

I think a bigger lesson to learn, especially for young people, is that your sexual past is almost always an emotional problem for future partners to overcome. You can have your adventures but be ready to deal with the relationship problems on the back end. Nothing in life is free or without consequences. You have to choose your path.

[levalas]

That is called "having standards". But - as it is nowadays - you are not allowed to have those as a man. Instead, you instantly get put in a box (jealous, insecure ect.). Under the premise that this is not a fictional character: good for him if he decided to re-evaluate his partner. But if he would have dumped her on the spot: also good for him. Both decisions ought to be respected and so are men's standards.

[markherron]

What about the fact that she did not tell him right away? That is not open and honest communication either.

[SuperDrummer]

The feeling of being jealous is just a feeling. It doesn’t mean you are right or wrong to be jealous. A person’s ability to reason and DECIDE for themselves based off of that feeling. If a man decides a past like that is unacceptable, he shouldn’t be shamed for that. Just as if a woman is upset when she finds out you spend less money on her than an ex in your past, she might become jealous of that situation? Should we shame her for that?

[Bayan]

My wife and I when we were dating were open about our pasts, her's and mine. This goes back to good communication and being honest with each other.

[slashf]

Men being concerned about a partner's sexual past is more complex than just being chalked up to jealousy or insecurity or unresolved emotional issues. Yes, it can be those things—but not always, and perhaps even not often. As others have said, sometimes it is just standards.

Sounds to me like the client himself was confused about whether it was truly jealousy he was feeling or just the dissonance between his standard for what he wanted in a woman versus the one with whom he fell in love. Even if he resolved to stay with her, it it not clear it was because he curbed his jealousy. Perhaps he instead assessed who she is now versus who she was and then adjusted his standard to accommodate that assessment. If so, that's not jealousy. That's just the messiness of real life not always matching our ideal preferences—and responding pragmatically to that mismatch.

[YellowFellow]

Sex work should be disclosed upfront for both parties.

[justiceparker]

I AM a 45 year old widower. My wife was in the adult industry for 20 years. She taught me more than words can say. In the beginning I was jealous. Over time, and especially since she crossed over to non-physical due to a murder. I remember the way she lives, and the way she made me feel. I asked her, when we first met, how ai could become good with women, she looked at me, and said to me, Cole “it’s not about being good with women, it’s about being good to the women.” Your advice here is impeccable. I now have a confidence the stays with me, I revel in knowing that I pulled her, and that many satisfying, pleasurable, and fun relationships still are on my path. I now know that I am good enough just the way I am.

[Nbm]

Idk man or woman if you’re not comfortable with your partners past because he/she did something that you don’t respect/ value move on and get with someone who has your morals and values

[davetodd]

To me and in my experience, the bigger issue has been that she won’t give/do what she has given/done for others in her past. Other guys who treated her poorly got things (sometimes by just taking them) that I (good guy) don’t get. I have given her more than anyone in my past, but I don’t get what the DB’s in her past got. How can I not be jealous…?

[alonzowilliams]

Past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. That's why you have background, credit checks and resumes.

[icecreamman]

When I met my wife I told her right away I was a stripper she said that’s why you have no money get a job.

[EricB]

Wow, what a great hair day!

I was always thinking that jealousy is a conglomerate of emotions rather than just one. Uncovering your client's thought process reveals exactly that to some degree. Thanks for showcasing this example.

Str*pper is a tough job, I suppose. When all the patrons are let loose, there can be quite a risk of trauma for the performer. I'm actually surprised that that was seemingly not his 1st concern for her. Supporting her longterm recovery from whatever that job may have done to her psycologically would have been what I would have been worried about. So I would have gone straight into caring mode upon receiving the news if that was my gf. But then, I don't know what his mates are like, how much self-control they have, etc. Also, I like it when a lady is very much in tune with her desires and considers them a positive aspect of her personality. Then, I would want her to be real in an intimate setting and kind of worried that she could easily slip into performance mode accidentally. But that's just down to the fact that I would want to be a lot closer emotionally to my partner than a professional str*pper could ever allow herselfto get to patrons just for self-protection's sake.
*ntimacy is a delicate thing, eh? ;-)
The past does not matter much if the present is nice. I wonder how that couple from the video proceeded with developing her career from then on. In what direction did she go with her next job?

[alexr]

Always judge a woman by her past. Because her past is your future

[kevingonzalez]

Ben's real problem was that he had ran out of ones and did not think he should have to tip his gf since he now pays for everything anyway.

[mgtowabbott]

As a man who had ex-girlfriends in the Adult Entertainment Industry:

"You can't turn a whore into a housewife". Ben has to set clear boundaries. If she goes back to dancing naked on tables (under any circumstance); the relationship is over. She gets a chance.

Also....whatever she was in the past or is today is none of his friends' business. If they ask what did she do for a living, say "she made holes in bagels".

[karenKristal]

I feel sorry for the guy, like, the way 'his friends' lusted after strippers like they are a piece of meat lol

[Mixinnitup]

While it's no reason imo to disrespect or devalue someone for doing sex work...if that makes you uncomfortable and you do not want a partner that has done it, that is valid. You're allowed those preferences. There are people men and women who wont date someone for a variety or reasons: money, status, looks, race, values, actions and behaviors, the context they have of that person, ONE interaction they had that might have even just been a bad vibe for a second, etc. And we do not tell people they are wrong for it. A relationship is a two way street and both people make the choice to stay in it. If this guy wanted to change or overcome his feelings then thats fine. That's on him. But if another person decides they dont want to be with someone who was promiscuous or who did sex work then thats perfectly fine as well.

Maybe they just dont like the idea of THEIR partner having done things like that. Maybe they define sex differently as it means different to them than others. And they dont like the idea of being with someone who values sex differently than they do. Valid

[steveroberts]

Once a liar, always a liar. She should have told him before the relationship grew.
How can you trust someone who lied to you right from the very beginning.
Dump her immediately and find a woman you can trust. Her behavior will eat at your soul.

[RobertIsMusic]

Why would someone jump to all those hoops if he have other options?