How to Figure Out What You Really Want | Ashley Stahl | TEDxLeidenUniversity

Have you ever wondered what you actually want? Then join Ashley Stahl–career coach, author, former counterterrorism and podcast host– as she shares her 3 key steps to help you connect to your life's purpose, discover your ideal career path, and make what she likes to call a "You Turn," the decision to get out of fear and tap into to what you actually want out of life. She hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, "the You Turn Podcast", with the intention of helping her listeners upgrade their mindset both in work and love, and land a new job they love. Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned podcaster, forthcoming author, and career coach who helps clients find their purpose, build their confidence, and launch successful service-based businesses. Ashley also hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, the You Turn Podcast, with the intention of helping listeners work on themselves, raise their confidence—all while taking life less seriously.

Ashley’s been named a “Top 99 Foreign Policy Leader Under 33” by Diplomatic Courier Magazine and Young Professionals in Foreign Policy. She’s a columnist for Forbes, and her work has been featured on the Wall Street Journal, CBS, SELF, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune and more.

[mafegarcia]

You really hit me with the "Realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken along the way" I call myself a realist :(

[Ivylib]

"Perfectionism is a mask we all wear when we're afraid of failure." Hits my heart.

[martinaruffovicino]

it’s crazy how she managed to start the conversation with a traumatic situation and leaded it to the point of her talk. i love it

[bekacynthia]

“Show up. See what the universe will give you. Make a commitment. And know that you can course-correct along the way.”
Loved this advice!

[hibathunaseerk.i]

Dear younger self,
I'm sorry for denying you opportunities because I chose fear over happiness.

[charlesmerkel]

Biggest take away was "Clarity comes from engagement ... it does not come from thought" -- Solid gold!

[Debaleena.S]

My take aways:-
1. "Realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken along the way".
2. "Perfectionism is a mask we all wear when we're afraid of failure."
3. "Clarity comes from engagement ... it does not come from thought".
4. "See your career as an experiment that really meets you where you are. A vehicle for your own selfexpression."
5. “Show up. See what the universe will give you. Make a commitment. And know that you can course-correct along the way.”

THANK YOU ASHLEY!!!! 💝

[Bamblagram]

9:44 Step 1 - *Self Audit*

Ask yourself: What's working? What isn't working?
Fear and criticism hold us back. What is something you are afraid to admit to yourself, what is something that you _know_ is true that you wish wasn't?

12:30 Step 2 - *Follow Your Freedom*

Follow what feels good to you. But how do you know what feels good to you? "Trust your gut" (way easier said than done) Pay attention to your feelings.
Keep a joy journal- make a note of moments that light you up and inspire you. Ask how to connect your inspiration with skill. Because when we are acting through inspiration, there is an absence of fear.

16:30 Step 3 - *Engagement*

" *Clarity comes from engagement, it does not come from thought* "
Decide on something that feels good, and make a commitment. You can adjust along the way. Thought paralysis is far worse than doing things improperly- you don't learn anything by over analyzing but you always benefit from engagement.


Overall a decent talk. Heard a lot of this stuff before- nothing groundbreaking and nothing insanely insightful. But she is a great speaker.

[yahdood]

Me sitting down to get clarity:
Self: okay heart, what do we want?
Heart: lol I don’t fking know
Gut: chicken wings bro

[justenm]

To those apologizing to their younger selves. I understand that.
But what if, Instead of apologizing to your past. Make a promise to your future self instead. To be inspired by pure positive emotions and your surroundings and to promise yourself to be happier and enjoy life.

[sennaroebroek]

"See your career as an experiment that really meets you where you are. A vehicle for your own selfexpression." Love, love, love this!

[andreamassieldubonarguello]

I am currently in the last semester of a career I studied because I thought would meet the expectations the world had for me, not because I actually liked it. Me, myself and I was the only one who kidnapped me from making the decision I really wanted. I was scared of not having the money, I was scared of not being good enough for something else. Honestly there is so much of me in this TED talk and so much that I needed to hear.
We are our own kidnappers.
Of course I'm still young and I'm sure I didn't waste my time. I just have to figure out what is it that I love and go for it, not settle to a career that doesn't make me happy.

[akkahshhagarwaal]

"Perfectionism is the enemy of action."
JUST GET STARTED.

[andyluuuu]

My key takeaway:
- To figure out what you want, really take a look at yourself and figure out what makes you feel good (i.e. What do you like doing)? Shoot your shot, show up, commit, and try it. If it doesn't work out, go for the next one.


My notes:

Steps for a You-turn:
1) Do a self audit. Ask:
○ What's working for you? What isn't?
○ What do you know that you wish you didn't know? What are you scared to face? See things for what they actually are (and where you actually are).
2) Follow your freedom
a. What do you like? What makes you feel good?
b. Usually when you follow what feels good, your purpose is in front of you, or on the periphery
c. Follow your gut listen if you feel anxiety or anxiousness
d. List out your ideas/things you think you want. Do you feel:
i. Joy or fear?
ii. Excitement or Dread?
iii. Expansion or contraction?
iv. Liberation or suffocation?
e. Try writing a joy journal (30 days)
i. Write down every moment that brings joy to you
ii. Then look at any patterns in inspiration -> what skillset am i using when I'm the most inspired?
3) Engage
a. Take action. Don't go for perfectionism, dont be afraid to fail
In summary: Try things. Show up and commit to something that you like. You can always course correct if things don't go well.

[unanything]

“perfectionism is the enemy of action”. It hits different when you know that’s what is holding you back 🥺

[Chinmayeep]

"People who Call themselves realists are the ones who got their heart broken somewhere along the way"....this woman is beyond genius. I'm SO SO glad I came across this video.

[erikacarrillo]

I don't really have a dream.. this is why is hard to know what I want to do

[Zesty__]

This TedTalk was just fantastic. She is a phenomenal speaker, shame the mic quality didn't match her.

[JK-zulp]

I am turning 27 this month. I feel like I am having a mid life crisis. I am lost but this speech has given me hope for my future and redirection. I cant wait to experiment tomorrow on my Joy Journal❤️

[ngocoder]

"Perfectionism is the mask we all wear when we are afraid of failure".
That quote describes me.
I call myself a perfectionist. I want to do things great, better than everyone else. But deep down, all I want is not to be a failure.