What is toxic positivity and how it damages the relationship?

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[rashawndaholmes]

I hate it when people say.. you're not the only one going through this.. like I shouldn't cry or hurt about it.. because others are going through.

[Hotspringrolls]

Thank you for posting this. I really hate “it is what is is”, “You should be grateful because of bla bla bla”, “tuffin up!, “Stay positive, life is beautiful”. Now I cut/ distance myself from those type of people. I don’t miss any of them.

Now I feel much happier without them. My real friends now are the best! We support each other through thick and thin. Instead of toxic positivity we all support and being honest to each other about how we feel without any judgement nor any silly toxic positivity.

[violetariesmoon]

Someone repeatedly told this to me each time I was diagnosed with cancer. Again when I missed a call that there was a matching donor for organ transplant and other times of crisis. When her husband left her, I had to bite my tongue so hard not to say the same back to her to see how she liked it.
A few years later, the discussion of toxic positivity came up and that saying came up as an example. I think she now gets it. Never heard her say it since.

[timothybodey]

I've learned to not let other people's toxic positivity effect me too much. I'm Bi Polar. Sometimes I'm just in a bad mood for no real reason and can't get out of it. I have stopped telling people the things in my head when they ask what's wrong and just started saying "I have a mood disorder. It'll go away at some point." Depending on how that person reacts determines if I can rely on them for emotional support. I'm very fortunate to have people in my life that understand my disorder well enough to know how to support me and let me know if it's effecting them negatively without making me feel like a burden.

[davidlucey]

Thank goodness somebody is addressing this issue. I absolutely hate this nonsense about everything happens for a reason. I also hate it when people say things like other people have it worse than you, so don’t complain… What’s happening on the other side of the world is completely irrelevant to me. When someone is upset or in pain just listen. You don’t have to say something just let people talk.

[Bluesnakes]

When they say “just be positive” simply to escape from actually helping or trying to understand.

[babyhandgrenade]

My ex's mom used to tell me not to show negative emotions. When I asked her why, she said only crazy people do that. When we lost our first baby to a miscarriage in 04, she said not only everything happens for a reason but she came out and said that she thought it was for the best. Excuse me but how was our baby dying for the best? I hated her. I still do.

[dhare]

I've been diagnosed with PTSD and the one thing I'm sick of hearing when I'm triggered is "you're not a victim", as if I'm playing the victim card for some unrealistic treatment. I've isolated myself while waiting for the office my new therapist is suppose to come through to show up. It's RUDE and it makes things worse. And there's alsoa thing I call Toxic Spirituality. In terms of manifesting. " This happened because you manifested it", bs. I never asked the universe to make me a narc magnet. So no I'm done with the bs. Walking away from anyone and anything that harms my mind, body, or/and soul. Just throwing it out. It's counter productive and naked things worse.

[lovepeace]

My ex used to say to me that I was so negative. negative feelings are equally as important as positive feelings. The worst part is when the person who is causing the issues is causing your negative thoughts tells you that you’re negative gaslighting?

[michaelyeary]

I have done this and you are right this is unhealthy like you said it totally invalidates the other person’s feelings

[sunnyflower]

The main reason I stopped going to church. I couldnt tell them about my traumas because theyd say "its Gods plan" or tell me "other ppl are suffering too." That just made me feel worse. Ive spent 45 yrs thinking theres a reason for all the abuse and awful things that happened to me. I also never talked about my trauma because since "everyone is suffering", I dont really matter.

[ronbaron]

Thank you so much for this! It drives me insane when people automatically say things like “everything will be OK“ when they barely even know what the problem is. It very well may not be OK which is why I am distressed in the first place. They are misplaced good intentions make it worse!

[shazzasees]

Thank you for this !!! I have experienced this many times, coming from Pollyannas who only want to hear what fits into their boxes. Appears worse since Covid and other worldly events😌

[SparkyWaxAll]

“In validate” is key here; thanks for posting

[derekfnord]

Thank you!! I hate the phrase "Everything happens for a reason." No. No it doesn't. You might as well just be saying, "This is your own fault" or "Your feelings are less important than some myterious master plan."

[PrivacyPlease]

That is why I never listen or talk to anyone anymore.
People are evil and they always leave me worse than they found me.
I don't miss ANYONE.

[treceh]

I genuinely hate the phrase “everything happens for a reason”. My mom said that to me recently when my dad died from substance abuse issues and I told her, point blank, “no, this didn’t need to happen.”

I understand why it happened because he had a lot of internal issues and self-medicated in an unhealthy way but it didn’t need to happen. As uncomfortable as it is, sometimes horrible things happen and even when you try to help someone out, any lasting change has to come from them and their choices. It’s not cosmic intervention or fate, it’s just life and yeah, it’s wildly unfair sometimes but ascribing reason to tragedy like that is so invalidating and thoughtless.

[susannec]

I've always hated when people say don't cry. Shouldn't it be, go ahead and let it all out and maybe even here's my shoulder.

[arnold]

This is what i experienced my entire life from everyone, including medical professionals

[fahdalsubaie]

I was told when I was depressed close to suicidal by my female cousin whom I considered like my big sister that no one likes depressed people they bump everybody down