Toxic Positivity: The Reality of Suppressing Emotions

What is toxic positivity? It's the idea that you have to always be happy, no matter what. If you're not, then something must be wrong with you. This video dives into how this mindset actually causes more harm than good and why it's important to know when suppressing your feelings might do more damage than good!

WANT TO START IN THERAPY? Here’s a convenient and affordable option with my sponsor BetterHelp

For a monthly fee, you get a REAL licensed therapist with whom you can meet weekly by phone, video or chat. You can also send daily messages.

Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.

[billieporter]

Toxic positivity: when a church leader I respected walked up to me and said “No one is sad today! This is a celebration!” at MY BEST FRIENDS FUNERAL. She died at the age of 29. Still boils my blood. This video is so validating because I’ve always felt a little nagging feeling that my attitude about this moment is wrong: Nope.

[Justin-hnuv]

Telling yourself "things could be worse" is pretty dangerous. I know from personal experience. This was my mantra for years and I didn't appreciate how badly things around me were deteriorating because I didn't want to complain or feel ungrateful for my relative good fortune compared to someone worse off than me. You can always find someone who has it worse than you; that doesn't invalidate how bad you have it.

Put another way, if you broke your leg and the patient in the hospital bed next to you broke both their legs that doesn't make your single broken leg any less painful or serious. you can be grateful you didn't break both and still expect treatment for your injury.

[Vashtibucket]

Thank you for posting this. The “good vibes only” phenomena is just such a condescending and unrealistic approach to the world, it diminishes people and their struggles instead of just saying “feel whatever it is you need to feel right now”. You just can’t fake your feelings.

[adams]

I absolutely cannot STAND toxic positive individuals. I have had to cut off people with this mentality. I felt like I was literally NEVER allowed to express any negative emotion, as if I'm not a human being.

[jajdude]

Saw a quote about toxic positivity and part of it said the essence of it was, "my comfort is more important than your reality" --- meaning I don't want to hear what's really going on with you, I'm too concerned about trying to feel good and not comfortable talking about or hearing anything painful.

[lanayabracey]

“When you can’t stop thinking that way, you feel worse about yourself” THAT hit hard. I FELT that 😭💀

[maribellelebre]

I've been on the receiving end of this far too much and it has ended relationships.
Being reduced to a "negative Nelly" when attempting to share a truly negative experience with someone who who claims to care and asked is unacceptable

[RicardoPetinga]

"Everything happens for a reason" is one of the most annoying and untrue sentences people throw around. Not that there isn't a cause for everything, but the implication isn't that the reason is a cause, but that the reason is a purpose. And "good vibes only" is a red flag because it tells me people saying it lack emotional intelligence and/or maturity.

[anandu]

Who all gained a new perspective on mental health and behavioural illnesses after watching Traceys videos🙂.Congratulation on hitting 1 million subs tons of love and hugs.

[aafkgirl]

I have depression, my bestfriend try to do everything she can to take away my depression: Be grateful you are alive, it could be worse, it sounds bad, but please be happy, everyone loves you, you dont have do be depressed then.
I think she is afraid of negative feelings.
She hates negative feelings

[ElenaKomleva]

Toxic and fake positivity is a part of North American culture. Americans think that other nations, like Eastern Europeans are depressed and unfriendly, but in reality they just don't bother to fake a smile when they don't feel like smiling (for example in all kinds of customer service positions). Complaining is also seen as a way to relate and show your humanity and vulnerability, while in America everyone is pressured to project an image of joy and success no matter the reality. The result is that most people feel alone in their experience when they go through hard time or are simply tired, because everyone else is faking joy and happiness.

[DoloresJNurss]

This missed the most important thing about negative emotions--they're there to stop or prevent bad things from happening. For instance, suppressing your fear, anger and unhappiness about your relationship with an abusive lover keeps you in a dangerous relationship. Pretending things are just fine when you're facing injustice not only doesn't correct the injustice against you, it also strengthens the unjust person in giving someone else a hard time as well.

[radley]

Man I grew up with this… my mom always wanted positive talk and things. I never got to express myself fully because she would say I was complaining- now I’m angry because I grew up thinking I must always be positive and nice…thank goodness I’ve become more mindful of myself and how I relate to people.

[treycowan]

I love this.

It's sad that I have to constantly tell people, "My feelings are valid and I deserve to feel the way I feel right now and that's fine."
Your feelings ARE valid. No matter what feeling that is because whatever it is made you FEEL that way. I always knew something was wrong when people always FORCED positivity upon others without allowing them to express other emotions.

Toxic positivity. Another mechanism of manipulation and gaslighting.

[Amberthyme]

I worked with a girl who was aggressively positive. It felt like she forced herself to be super bubbly and then when you didn’t reflect this back to her she got “happier” like smiled bigger, tone higher, more bubbly. “Cheer up, friend, it can’t be all that bad.” Coworkers are not friends automatically …friendship is earned. It was exhausting to be around her and it took a while to realize why. She did mellow some as she grew up (I think she was 18 or 19 when she left? Hard to tell because she acted really young). I figured it must have been a defense mechanism.

[crisfield]

Yes! All my 'law of attraction' friends give me the stink eye when I they hear me say that it's okay to wallow in it for a little while. We need to accept and acknowledge even our negative thoughts and emotions. Once we do that, we can understand them and figure out how to move on. No sweeping things under the rug and pretending they didn't happen. <3

[gardenermel]

This is spot on. We don’t allow full range of emotion anymore.

[jahminastephens]

This is so true. I’ve been saying this forever. The movie “Inside Out” shows this

[leias]

Damn this hit hard Girl! *adjusts wig*
I came to this realization that I was a "Toxic Positive" person after a series of devastating events, one being the loss of my Father. I didn't realize that I could not process negative emotions. It felt like I was letting the world down because I was sad and upset. Since I couldn't process those emotions, I lacked the empathy to really understand what my friends were going through when they were angry. To be told you've made a friend feel invalid, is one of the worst feelings to have. Now I'm able to process negative emotions in real time, well close to it😅. I actually feel better. I can relate to people, and I don't feel compelled to make them feel better about their situation, I just listen and give hugs. Thank you for this video!

[eyesofwater]

I feel this occurs a lot in the Christian community, in which I'm apart of. It's like feeling a little sad or frustrated equates to be un-Godlike and they we need to "stay positive." It's dismissive as hell. Expressing negative emotions in a healthy way shouldn't be demonized. I'm sure not all Christians doesn't mean to be this dismissive but it's an issue that needs to be addressed.