Mother goes to jail for Parental Alienation

Healthy parents teach their children independence and self-reliance. But alienating parents foster dependency and vulnerability in their children. Alienators need to be needed.

Healthy parents love their children more than they need their children. But alienators need their children more than they love their children. In younger children alienators sow seeds of fear. In older children they sow seeds of hatred. This ensures the child's undivided love.

Healthy parents teach a child that the world is full of imperfect people who sometimes make mistakes and sometimes disappoint us. But alienators teach a child to see the world in black and white; people are either all-good or all-bad. Any real mistakes an "all-bad" person makes become the entirety of who they are.

Alienators are masters of manipulation, and there are two main subtypes.

Alienators with narcissistic traits (mostly men) are control freaks. They see themselves as perfect and anyone who dares to oppose them as inferior. They speak with charisma and conviction.

Alienators with borderline traits (mostly women) are sympathy freaks. They see themselves as victims and anyone who dares to oppose them as abusers. They speak with passion and drama.

Regardless of the subtype, alienators are very convincing. Most people are duped. And by most people I mean friends, family members, teachers, coaches, counselors, custody evaluators, guardians ad litem, and, of course, their own children.

The end result of all this manipulation is that the child aligns themself almost completely with the alienating parent. There are many reasons for this, and comparisons have been made to Stockholm syndrome/trauma bonding, but I believe a better analogy is that of cults. Whenever the child agrees with, or sympathizes with, or shows devotion to the alienator, then the alienator lavishes them with affection and makes them feel like a million dollars. But if the child ever falters in their devotion, then the alienator responds with the opposite extreme. This is exactly how cult leaders are able to manipulate adults over a period of months. Now imagine a vulnerable child, who has no escape, being conditioned like this their entire life.

The psychopathology underlying parental alienation has been referred to as pathological enmeshment, since the child's personality is basically subsumed by that of the alienator. It has also been called the gatekeeper phenomenon, since the alienator becomes the gatekeeper of the child's heart and mind. Whatever the alienator likes, the child reflexively likes; whatever the alienator hates, the child reflexively hates.

All of this happens long before the divorce, long before the actual alienation. And then, at the time of divorce, when the alienator feels rejected by their spouse, and the alienator fears they might lose the undivided devotion of their children, the actual alienation takes place surprisingly quickly. The gatekeeper simply closes the gate.

This is also why the mental health and legal professionals often get parental alienation cases wrong. They cannot imagine why a child would suddenly reject a normal, loving parent. They fail to recognize that what looks like a warm, close relationship between the child and the favored parent is actually a longstanding form of co-dependency. It's a folie à deux. It's emotional incest.

"Just listen to my child!" the alienator cries to the court. "They'll tell you how inferior/abusive the other parent is!" But it is no longer the child who speaks.

Alienated children grow up hating half of who they are. They are prone to a host of psychosocial problems later in life.

This is why Parental Alienation is NOT a child custody issue.

It's a child PROTECTION issue.

Video and audio of this public hearing was acquired by ABC news.
Full length video available on Speechlessmn channel:

[davidk]

Healthy parents teach their children independence and self-reliance. But alienating parents foster dependency and vulnerability in their children. Alienators need to be needed.

Healthy parents love their children more than they need their children. But alienators need their children more than they love their children. In younger children alienators sow seeds of fear. In older children they sow seeds of hatred. This ensures the child's undivided love.

Healthy parents teach a child that the world is full of imperfect people who sometimes make mistakes and sometimes disappoint us. But alienators teach a child to see the world in black and white; people are either all-good or all-bad. Any real mistakes an "all-bad" person makes become the entirety of who they are.

Alienators are masters of manipulation, and there are two main subtypes.

Alienators with narcissistic traits (mostly men) are control freaks. They see themselves as perfect and anyone who dares to oppose them as inferior. They speak with charisma and conviction.

Alienators with borderline traits (mostly women) are sympathy freaks. They see themselves as victims and anyone who dares to oppose them as abusers. They speak with passion and drama.

Regardless of the subtype, alienators are very convincing. Most people are duped. And by most people I mean friends, family members, teachers, coaches, counselors, custody evaluators, guardians ad litem, and, of course, their own children.

The end result of all this manipulation is that the child aligns themself almost completely with the alienating parent. There are many reasons for this, and comparisons have been made to Stockholm syndrome/trauma bonding, but I believe a better analogy is that of cults. Whenever the child agrees with, or sympathizes with, or shows devotion to the alienator, then the alienator lavishes them with affection and makes them feel like a million dollars. But if the child ever falters in their devotion, then the alienator responds with the opposite extreme. This is exactly how cult leaders are able to manipulate adults over a period of months. Now imagine a vulnerable child, who has no escape, being conditioned like this their entire life.

The psychopathology underlying parental alienation has been referred to as pathological enmeshment, since the child's personality is basically subsumed by that of the alienator. It has also been called the gatekeeper phenomenon, since the alienator becomes the gatekeeper of the child's heart and mind. Whatever the alienator likes, the child reflexively likes; whatever the alienator hates, the child reflexively hates.

All of this happens long before the divorce, long before the actual alienation. And then, at the time of divorce, when the alienator feels rejected by their spouse, and the alienator fears they might lose the undivided devotion of their children, the actual alienation takes place surprisingly quickly. The gatekeeper simply closes the gate.

This is also why the mental health and legal professionals often get parental alienation cases wrong. They cannot imagine why a child would suddenly reject a normal, loving parent. They fail to recognize that what looks like a warm, close relationship between the child and the favored parent is actually a longstanding form of co-dependency. It's a folie à deux. It's emotional incest.

"Just listen to my child!" the alienator cries to the court. "They'll tell you how inferior/abusive the other parent is!" But it is no longer the child who speaks.

Alienated children grow up hating half of who they are. They are prone to a host of psychosocial problems later in life.

This is why Parental Alienation is NOT a child custody issue.

It's a child PROTECTION issue.

[TampaJohn]

If the dad did that, he would have gotten 15 years. Not 15 days.

[BirdDogey]

She got less than a year in jail for keeping the children away from Dad for 6 years. Unbelievable.

[chuckhancock]

She should have done a day in jail for every day she kept the kids from their father.

[emilymacabhiocair]

Parental alienation is massively difficult to prove. I'm glad this man was able to do this and protect his children.

[measl]

*This "sentencing" is a slap on the wrist, and inappropriate to the severity of her acts.*

[lullubelljingles]

When you hate the other parent more than you love your child. The suffering inflicted is a tragedy

[mamaraya]

How lucky those children are to have a father who loves them enough to fight for them. And shame on any mother who would try and destroy that.

[MrMenefrego]

My ex-wife hid our son from me for almost 9 years; he was 5 when I last saw him, and the next time she allowed me to see him (via a court order under threat of jail), he was an unrecognizable teenager of 14. The expression in his eyes when I first saw him again was unmistakable to everyone observing; "Why?" That was 20 years ago, and even though we have tried to heal our relationship, we are strangers and most likely always will be.

[noproblembig]

This man has gone through hell and back, parental alienation is a cancer in our society...

[lindac]

The utter selfishness of any person who uses their child/children to punish their ex-partner is something I find inexcusable and reprehensible.

[peach]

She deserved the same time in jail that was stolen from the father. Shame on the judge and that state judicial system!!

[AnonyMous-rrrv]

That evil woman got off light. The damage caused by parental alienation will last those kids a lifetime. As for dad, my heart breaks for him. All that time lost, all that misery. I've worn his shoes.

[adriannehubbert]

She’s punishing her kids more than her ex-husband. Shame on her.

[weeannie]

Children grow into adults.
They remember everything!
Who’s good - who’s bad.

[amyelizabeth]

Parental alienation destroys people. It destroys the kids, for the rest of their lives. Its just so heartbreaking 💔 😢

[elizabethrose]

My cousin documented everything for 2 years. Calls, text messages, all times he couldn’t see his 3 boys. He sold his classic car, hired a good attorney got custody of his kids, his other child mother left him. He has 4 boys and doing great. Sad what parents do to their children.

[vickylawrence]

An example why a mother is not always the best parent.

[Bkruegs]

Many, many more mothers should be going to jail for this.

[charde]

Every thanksgiving for the next few year she will spend it alone. Absolutely stunning insight from the judge and a fabulous punishment