Can Your Inner Adult Take Over?

Can your inner adult take over and help?

Sometimes just thinking of taking the task out of our inner child’s overwhelmed hands gives us a boost. Dread and perfectionism keep us stuck. ⁠
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#chiildhoodtrauma #innerchild #impostersyndrome #toxicfamily #childhoodemotionalneglect

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Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream

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My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

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[moniqueloupe]

Your body remembers the overwhelm when you had to go at things alone, and the level of perfectionism because you didn't know where the bar was. My inner adult will step in for me.

[aishai]

Wow! This is so helpful. I often procrastinate with doing basic things like calling around for quotes for window cleaning and making doctors appointments and now I get why. I can actually feel my inner child saying Why do i have to do it? Why do I have to do everything?”

[alexiswinter]

That happened to me a couple days ago, with the remnants of me having been a flaming codependent. I wanted to buy my realtor a gift because I was so indecisive and put her through so much when we were looking for a house. I bought her a gift certificate to a top-rated spa for an obscene amount of money. The amount was so disproportionate to our relationship it bordered on creepy. Fortunately my adult took over and I decided to keep it for myself. I bought her a gift certificate to the type of restaurant she enjoys. Enough on the card for her and her husband to have a nice night out.

[GeorgideMarne]

I see what you mean.. and I raise you the opposite issue: I functioned from an adult place most of my youth until I was about 37 y.o. and I just crashed for a year (I took a sabbatical). One of the best things I ever did.. and just let my (traumatized) kid self take over and do what she wanted (or not for a year or two). :)) It can be exhausting to function mostly as an adult when you have not really lived your childhood.

[brindagannon]

I so needed this! Just yesterday I had to call my primary care office to modify my prescription, a call I had been dreading and thinking about for a whole day before. I kept asking myself "what is this? why are you scared to make a call to ask for what you need??" My anxiety was high, I was sweating and shaky, made the call and it was the easiest adjustment on their end, she was very nice to me, I got what I needed. I have come a very long way on working on myself but these things pop up once in awhile. I will apply what you just said next time I have one of these experiences! Thank you!

[ArtyAntics]

Oh my gosh, I thought it was my autistic brain having demand avoidance but as soon as I watched this I knew it was my inner child freezing.

[stevec]

When I realized, several months ago, that my inner child had been the one carrying 'me'...with all the consequences, I did just that - spoke directly to him and told him the only thing he needs to do from now on is play. The result was like magic. Over the course of the next few months, my adult took over all of the responsibilities, and the real 'miracle' was that I started to resolve all remaining imprinted issues. The fear lessened. The resistance to success and to socializing went away. Because I had alerady mourned my lost past opportunities...this is now a new start. Call me grateful !!

[websurfer]

Yeah, that's good advice for me especially since I've really been tuning into my inner child lately. Adults need to handle all the adult stuff. I think we can be mixed up about what that is though when we were so neglected.

[sarahallegra]

Wow, I almost cried hearing this. I guess I needed to it! Thank you so much!!

[ritad]

Not knowing where the bar is ..that's it!
❤

[mrJakestetler]

This reminds me of Chuck Good. He was a wild eyed, disheveled man with thick, dark rimmed glasses and a hook for a right hand. His disfigured left hand was also missing fingers. He had been damaged by an explosion in Vietnam.

He reeked of stale cigarette smoke and would spit when he talked. Our suffering was different but not so different that it was unrecognizable.

He was my favorite science teacher. I was definitely amongst a minority in the student community who felt that way. He gave me a better grade than I deserved on a science project because he knew I was trying hard but I didn’t have any help. He noticed me. He was kind to me. That helped. Thanks Mr Good.

[moscowcowboy_]

After 18 months I broke down and called my mom. She was nice to me and sorry for what she had done and wants to heal our relationship. Thank you so much for your help. She agreed to therapy with me as well!

[junkonatsumizaka]

That's actually pretty amazing advice, whenever I need to do something I can just tell myself, "It doesn't have to be perfect, I'll fix a bunch of mistakes later, I'll just do a rough job rn to get it started", and then later I barely have any 'mistakes' to fix because I make the most mistakes when I'm trying to get it perfect. I had this idea while watching this video.

[NimrodtheWHM]

Just got a new job today I really love, but I can already hear the cries of "It's not enough" from my parents. This definitely applies here. I'm 36 and have a good grip on where my life should be and what makes me happy. My inner child is the one that freezes up and begins to lose confidence in my direction in life when I hear critiques from them, but my inner adult is shouting "You know your life, they don't." at the same time. I've never stopped to have my inner adult look my inner child in the eye and remind him "You've got this. You figured your life out around parents who were both absolute hot messes growing up and kind of still are. Remember you've got a good head on your shoulders and it didn't come from them. It came from you."

Thanks for the reminder my inner adult's opinions are absolutely worth listening to.

[Shelive]

Thank you so much for this. I’ve been really struggling with my jobs. I’m so overwhelmed and the other day I had a meltdown and called crisis. I met with my therapist yesterday and she said my meltdown sounded like a trauma response so she was trying to help me get to what caused an out of proportion reaction to what I was facing at that time at work. I couldn’t think of anything relevant but THIS makes sense! I identify with this greatly.

[fluffyclouds]

😭 thank you. This is incredibly timely. I also experienced all those same things.. no help. Perfectionism, asking for help, understanding where the bar is are things I struggle with in my professional life and on the outside, I know it looks so bad & I feel very misunderstood because I’m a hard worker who is smart and capable

[jonlittle]

Yes, but I find that sometimes the inner child needs to be respected. When the needs of my inner child are met, my inner child is much more flexible to let my inner adult say, It's ok, I got this. It is no different in negotiating with a real child in the grocery store when you are in a hurry. Sometimes it isn't possible to be in a hurry.

[urbanlee]

Yea, I thank you for this. Much needed. My inner child, gets terrified of that horrible feeling when you know no one’s gonna show up for you when you really need it the most

[annemurphy]

Did this at work today and avoided a meltdown. I have D.I.D, our system has hundreds of alters so we've been practicing having the Big S self look after things the way our parents never did. It's hard for some of us to give up control and our old jobs to trust the Big S self but it's getting better. We're learning to be a team, working for the well being of the whole.

[julietbecker]

Wow, this is very timely and really resonates. I have been feeling recently a lot of fear and feeling like I'm alone with no one to help/support me. I can feel the overwhelm and anxiety building at the thought of trying to accomplish certain goals I have. I will practice telling my younger self that she can just relax and play (I saw this mentioned in a comment below and my inner child was like - I want to play too!!) and my adult self can take care of us.

I also want to just acknowledge how validating and soothing it is to hear these messages - not just from you Patrick, but also reading the comments.

I hope that we all can give our inner child the calm stable security they deserve so they can feel safe to be themselves and play joyfully! 💕💕💕