How to ask for help -- and get a 'yes' | Heidi Grant

Asking for help is tough. But to get through life, you have to do it all the time. So how do you get comfortable asking? In this actionable talk, social psychologist Heidi Grant shares four simple rules for asking for help and getting it -- while making the process more rewarding for your helper, too.

[potatoking]

Summary:
1. Don’t say awkward things like: “I’m so sorry”, “I feel bad for asking you” etc. Skip small talk too. Go directly to the point and be specific about the help.
2. Don’t offer payment, especially to your friends and relatives. It makes it more like a business deal and also awkward. Giving gifts afterwards is better, but not crucial.
3. Ask in person, or at least face time or phone call. You’re more likely to get a positive response.
4. Provide feedback. Tell them how they helped you and make both of you feel good.

[michaelpisciarino]

Heidi Grant
• Introduction, it’s hard asking for help
1:38 We have to get good at it
2:32 - Bad Assumption: Assuming people understand when you need help, and wait for someone to help you
3:21 You need to ask for it, if you want it.

4:33 Be specific: (1) What exactly do you want and (2) why?
6:07 Avoid: Disclaimers, Apologies, and Bribes
7:46 Email and text are impersonal. Email and text are less likely to get a “yes”
8:40 Follow up with them afterward
• Show the helper that their help really was effective

11:08 Reliance on each other

[Je.rone_]

*This video is*
*important especially to lower income people struggling to pull themselves up* *i talk to people like that and I always say no one has ever "made it" without help in some way shape or form so seek help, often they've already lose hope.* 💪

[coffeeisthepathtovictory]

Thank you Dr. Grant, this talk is helping my family go through a tough time during this pandemic. I have not asked a family member or friend for help in over 10 years and I had no idea how to do it. This gave me the confidence to at least try.

[simpleclam]

THANK YOU. I watched this before I asked my dad to help me get a car and I usually make all the mistakes you said not to and followed your advice and he said yes. THANK YOU❤

*The power of asking. Thank you...Your talk really helps me a lot*

[jackielynnfoster]

Thank You for making this videos. I'm so grateful. I don't know where to ask for help or anyone is genuinely cares about me? I experience a lot of trauma. i just wanted you to know how grateful I am for extending any help. rejections is hurtful as well as failure. all i wanted is to live a peaceful life but i guess its impossible for me to attain a peaceful life. I don't know how to communicate it in English because my native language is not English. But I would like to say Thank You very much from the bottom of my heart. words is not enough to express how grateful i am for doing this all for me. Thank You so much! ❤️💛🧡💙💚 You greatly help me realize that asking for help is okay. THANK YOU! from the bottom of my heart.

[Wargutz]

Also being helpful yourself when asked gets good returns.
I think more people have a greater fear of saying "I don't know" than asking for someone's help.

[ossen]

Never put yourself down whenever asking for anything.
Nobody likes victim-minded people. Have your sense of pride intact.

[jorgeromera]

This speech has helped me a lot. Thank you!

[tatiyana]

I appreciate so much💗 when a speaker talks with a perfect pronunciation 🌟 which makes me feel treated with respect 🙏 - Thank You Very Much! 🙏👏👍

[lindahughes]

I just started asking directly, unapologetic and to the point after trying to grow my art business on my own for over 5 years! Asked for vendors for a free pop up shop I'm offering to do for other entrepreneurs, when helping people it does come back. One of those entrepreneurs that signed up for my pop up shop offered to interview me on their radio station, so will keep asking for help and offer help back too.

[ratisaktiafitri]

I feel touched and grateful, thank youu! Dr. Grant

[MarcusHart]

She is so right about those LinkedIn requests I hate accepting hidden agenda requests

[nechiedavis]

said her partner ( a man ) actually asks her if theres anything she If my husband asked me if theres anything I need Id faint from the shock. Of course, he has no inhibitions about asking me for anything and everything.

[lulustoovintage]

100% agree with in person communication. I have taken on an interim role as a supervisor never dealt with administrative tasks before and I am astonished of how much communication is done through email which Sommer is helpful but how dismissive it can be

[TlhomphoDitedu]

Her: I’m bad at asking for help
Still her: I’m going to give a ted talk about asking for help

[jasper]

Notes:
Whn asking fr help - Be specific and why
- no direct payments, no bribe, no disclaimer, no sorry. Alt: Be Awkward, give random(spontaneous) gifts
- no msg, no emails. Alt: f2f, call(phone) them, talk to them, let them hear your voice.
Aft getting helped - Give follow-up, pics, letters, proofs of your helpers impact.

[changchan]

Ask for a help with a friendly smile ! They surely help you !

[rickharold]

This was better than I expected. Awesome thanks!