How to Have a Good Conversation

We too often imagine that ‘good conversations’ are things we fall into out of luck. Far from it, knowing how to have a good conversation is a skill that can be learnt – and here are the beginning of the rules.

FURTHER READING

“Having a decent conversation is something most of us imagine we can do without any problem – and certainly without much thought. These things just happen naturally. Don’t they?
But in truth, truly good conversations come along very rarely; largely because our societies fall for the Romantic myth that knowing how to talk to other people is something we are born knowing how to do, rather than an art dependent on a little planning and a few skills. We rightly accept that total improvisation in preparing a meal is unlikely to yield good outcomes; but we show no such caution or modesty when it comes to how we might talk over the food once it has been made. Finding oneself in a good conversation can feel as haphazard and random as stumbling on a beautiful square in a foreign city at night ­– and realising one won’t reliably know how to get back there in daytime.”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Khyan Mansley

[theaxisofinsight]

The hardest part of any conversation is listening to understand. Most people listen to respond.

[catstairs]

"Vulnerability builds friendship."

[joeysung]

School of Life- you are my third parent.

[fadifadi]

I've noticed that the only channel I can't make out the voice clearly while eating coco pops cereal is the school of life. The frequencies of Alain's voice curiously overlaps with the sound of crunching coco pops, which have taught to avoid watching this channel while eating cereal.

[qtmeet]

I don't know how, but you always post the video I need when I need it...

[nuljeon]

I love how this comment section is just one big therapy session

[bodnotbod]

"I'm inviting some friends I haven't seen since uni."

"God, what's that.. like, ten, twelve years?"

"WHAT!? Get out of my flat now, I'm only 24! Jesus!"

[lakshyamongia]

This seems to be the most competitive civilised comment section on YouTube, I mean people use complete words, no abbreviations, no slangs, proper punctuation, cool.

[mauromodica]

04:00 But wouldn't that be rude?...It seems like he doesn't want to talk about the loss of his mother, and yet, she still points that out

this confuse me...

[mixedairsoft]

Really great video. It's crazy how much effort you put into your videos. I hope YouTube is compensating you well or your getting some good source of revenue through these. Can't explain how much these videos mean to me. Great content.

[morbid.]

I'm really really bad at conversations... talking in general is one of my many flaws. I always found a someone who was good at talking so I kept quiet...

[cynthiajohnson]

Wow, I have been noticing that SOL videos seem to have shifted towards focus on emotional intelligence. It's nice to hear Alain voice a sort of commitment to it. I think that's a wise path toward making the world a better place. People are starving for emotional connection and that it leads to so many other problems. Like, for instance, the comment sections under videos on Youtube where people try to connect through anger. Not good. Bad path for society. Much better to work on positive, nourishing, healthy connections. Thanks Alain!!

[jbillson]

I find being vunerable and self-deprecating to most people, they see this as a weakness rather than connecting with me on a spiritual level. Maybe it's to hide their own insecurities by picking on mine. I feel if someone was, honest, vunerable and self-deprecating to me I would connect with them instantly. Although I understand most people don't want to do this.
What I think I'm trying to say is, I really connect with honest people.

[android]

School of Life treats topics that could be quite confronting or challenging in such a gentle, honest, non judgemental way. It's so refreshing

[gigglysamentz]

The boring conversations were written and acted well ! :'D

[a-what]

3:39 "Good listeners are like good editors - trimming away what's superfluous, trying gently to get the speaker to focus on what's really at stake."

5:06 "Strength may be impressive, but it's vulnerability that builds friendships."

[mephistophelesthesilentchi]

Being able to take charge and be aware of the conversational topic and flow, is imperative.
But I think patience is what's most essential. We all crave deep conversation, but putting the feelings of others before ones own, not being frustrated to go through the motions of small talk and not being afraid to try and practice, is what reveals the true purpose of deep conversation: Building and sustaining relationships.

[michaelpeterson]

Conversation is a dance and each of us is our own choreographer. We move with cautious steps toward or away from those with whom we dance. The goal isn’t always deep involvement or heartfelt expression. Frivolous and light is still enjoyable and worthy. When the energy is there and two choreographies work well then we can take the dive into intimacy.

[ZombieDragQueen]

It depends on your definition of "good conversation". Some want a deeper interpersonal connection, some want to discover new ideas and opinions and some just want to pass the time. For all of these if they achive it they count it as a "good" conversation.
P.S.: Also, you can only talk about the London Underground factually. In contrast you can only talk about the New York subway system in emphatic emotional tones which can and often include swearing.

[ANK]

"vulnerability is what makes friendships". my god this is the reason why I don't feel like I have friends. I have too much pride to share with someone my weaknesses and insecurities. I'm just a superficial person making superficial conversation to anyone. Insight gained.