Substance use disorder and narcissism

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[arlene]

Sober and mean! That sums it up. Their humanity never hatched. Drugs didn’t cause the problem, and sobriety won’t cure it.

[juliepicard]

They are clean and sober for 5 minutes and they rapidly turn self righteous and communal

[RoseofSharon]

Mine is addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, porn and cheating. He called it a lifestyle.

[bettyjones]

They also drive their victims/survivors to drugs/drinking.

[Eliza]

As someone who works in mental health, it’s unbelievable how much narcissism and substance abuse go hand in hand. A lot of borderline adults come from addicts for parents, but it’s not the addiction that causes all the trauma. It’s the narcissism. It damages their family for life.

[jacobkain]

Covert/vulnerable narcissist here. Using drugs like marijuana/alcohol makes me more tolerable, both to myself and others. Drugs like stimulants and alcohol made me into more like an extroverted/grandiose narcissist, which seemed like an upgrade. I became addicted to externally regulating myself with stimulant abuse coupled with depressant abuse (methamphetamine and clonazepam) for more than 10 years - I'm only 28. I am now sober and have left myself with the same wreckage of an ego and lack of social skills that I had at 16. At 28, that's not something that's been fun to learn to deal with and grow from. This video helped me make connections that seem helpful, thanks to you Dr. Ramani as always.

[Authentistic-ism]

This makes sense. As a former addict myself, I Now understand that substance abuse comes from unresolved painful issues... it's a symptom of something deeper. That's why the narcissism would remain in somebody even if the drug abuse is resolved. The terrible hidden self hatred is still there unaddressed and untreated.

[markfernandes]

My wife is a narcissist. For the past year she has been using coke regularly. Despite me trying to help her over the past year she recently decided to end the marriage. Hopefully a blessing in disguise as my life has been hell this past year

[gigibtsurvivor]

Most addiction programs do not recognize or assess for narcissism, let alone other mental health issues. Few ask family and friends for a full inventory and rely on the narcissistic addict to self-report. You can guess how that results.

[heidibrogan]

The ridiculous non apology, screaming at u for not accepting their apology. Immediately after they have verbally abused you, even though there was no apology just them accusing you of not accepting one, all the while deflecting and denying and taking no real accountability. And continuing the behavior that has started the issue. Ugh exhausting. The conversation goes in circles until you are so far away from what they did until you are now being accused of not loving them and your the problem and they start putting words in your mouth horrible things that u didn't even say but infact they said to you. Ugh!! I could go on and on.

[MrPhoenix]

My ex-wife was a physically and verbally abusive alcoholic. Then I dated a woman who was a covert narcissist. The narcissist is WAY worse! I'm glad I found this channel because this is part of my healing and therapy

[katie]

This has helped me so much. My ex was a narcissist and had a serious weed addiction.

[d.nakamura]

Substance abuse = self soothing thru self medication

[VrilDerzhava]

When I met my narcissistic ex, things started off grand. At first, he said he wasn't drinking. It 'interfered with his boxing training'. But then one day, he got drunk. And the problems began. He'd drink for a couple of days and then stop for a couple of weeks. I started to suspect he had a drinking problem, but he did seem to really want to get it under control. He took Antabus (anti-drinking pills, to make the effects of alcohol extremely strong, even poisonous, to one's body) to 'help him along'. This is apparently a very common medication here in Finland (I'd never heard of it before I met him).

I started wondering if he was a narcissist or an alcoholic. The answer soon made itself clear, after he began instigating arguments between us. Fights about nothing. This was exacerbated on nights out together, when we went to have a few drinks with friends. He would get unbelievably wasted, to the point that he almost couldn't speak without slurring his words, then would ignore me as I spoke, even staring over my head to introduce himself to men he'd never met before. He treated me either like a stranger, or like a contemptuous enemy. But the next day, he would beg for my forgiveness, apologize for his stupidity, swear that he loves me more than any other person on earth, and spin tales about our glittering future together. And of course, he would swear up and down never to touch a drop of alcohol again.

Countless cancelled plans, brutal insults spat in my face, days' worth of ignored phonecalls and text messages, and even some choice insults were to come, after he brutally discarded me (via text message!). And this only one day after he'd begged me to reassure him that I still loved him, still wanted to be his forever.

He's a narcissist AND an alcoholic. He almost dragged me down into the dirt with him. Thank goodness I'm free.

[sandramc]

I am so grateful for this video. I thought I was going crazy. I was in a rehab and met a narcissistic drug addict who hounded me. He was a predator from the off. After 3 months of a mad infatuation, I ended it. Thank god I now know to listen for the alarm bells. Im proud to say I am a survivor.

[josephuk]

My narcissistic mother certainly acted as if she was on drugs. The psychotic rage, the paranoia, the imagined slights against her. But she was *just* an alcoholic in the 1980s and 1990s. It would go two ways; she would either be a horribly fake happy drunk, or violently abusive. Went no contact after forty years, and have never felt better.

[jonnyk]

my ex was one of the most alcoholic people i've ever met. I used his alcoholism as an excuse for his stonewalling, breadcrumbing, ghosting me for days/weeks at a time then lovebombing me etc. When we were still together i worried about him but i didn't judge him. I was afraid of scaring him away, so I accepted and loved him for who he was and stuck by his side, hoping that he would sort things out eventually. Now that the relationship is over and i'm finally detaching from it, his alcoholism is an still issue that i hope he sorts out, but it absolutely wasn't an excuse for his behavior.

[vincec.]

Dr Ramani, I can't thank you enough for your videos. I've been an EXTREMELY DARK place in my life due to not only substance abuse, but deeply loving a narcissist. I didn't realize that's what I was dealing with. The dynamics are much more vast than thought. The cruelty they are capable of is ASTOUNDING.

[bonneylynn]

Power is another type of addiction. So when they want to control those around them and that causes them to feel entitled to do anything they want and if they get called out on their behavior; the narc sees it as a fight. And since they use any tactics possible to win a fight, not clean. They then are able to over power which fuels their addiction and validates their entitlement

[LoriGeminiTarot]

Thank you do much for this video. My ex boyfriend is a drug addict narcissist. He was addicted to pretty much everything under the sun. He tried to make me an addict and when it didn’t work he discarded me. Thank god I dodged that bullet