My Honest Advice to Someone Scared of Dating Again

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Maybe this will sound familiar: After a few bad dating experiences, you say to yourself, “My life is pretty awesome as it is, so why do I even want someone else disturbing my peace?”

The thought of not having to deal with the dating process may feel like a huge relief in that moment . . . but what actually happens when you decide not to put yourself out there anymore (when deep down, you still want to find love)?

In today’s new video, I share 5 ways you can get back into dating that won’t lead to burnout. You’ll see how to maintain your peace while also giving yourself permission to take small (or even big) swings in love. Don’t miss it!

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▼ Chapters ▼

0:00 – 2:04 – Will Dating Mess With My Peace?
2:04 – 4:20 – How to Date While Guarding Your Peace
4:20 – 8:59 – #1 Comfort & Risk
8:59 – 9:40 – A Lesson From Bruce Springsteen
9:40 – 11:03 – #2 Building Peace
11:03 – 15:44 – “Robust” Wisdom From David Whyte
15:44 – 22:56 – #3 Go at a Pace You Can Sustain
22:56 – 27:36 – #4 Know How to Hit the Reset Button
27:36 – 28:42 – Other Amazing Worlds in Your Life
28:42 – 33:13 – #5 You Can Be “Happy Enough” Exactly Where You Are
33:13 – 34:35 – Venturing Out Into the World With Bold Standards

[atty.veronicainoturanosg]

It's so exhausting developing our personality, taking care of our looks, working on our traumas & problems, then putting ourselves out there, doing our best to be a good partner, only to be fooled, taken advantage of or heartbroken. WASH, RINSE, WRING, REPEAT.

[superkaterina]

The more I work on myself the harder to find someone I like. Not dating.

[ChristopherClyde]

The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalised.

[FlynnFromTaiga]

It was much easier to find someone when I was insecure, clingy, feared of being by myself. Now I always ask "do I want to put effort into this, or is it a waste?" . So much less bullshit I tolerate this days.

[teachinbamba]

I don't want collateral damage. I don't want to play this game anymore only to be heart broken again. I am tired of it. I love my job, friends, plants, dog, turtles, family, travels etc. I have enough tales of failed relationships. So I am not putting myself out there. If someone enters my life naturally I'm open to that. I am going to keep living my life, enjoying my life. If someone shows up yay, if not, I'm still happily living and doing things I love. ❤

[lindakitten]

I listened, learned, took the chances over the course of 7 years after I got divorced. It was worth the risk…there are a million nos out there, but I found my one. It took a friend of mine 14 years. I married last year. I’m 67 and he lived 200 miles away. We put in the work to travel and see if it was right.

[Parker.Alex]

Good video, bro. I agree with you in many ways. I also have a video on this topic.

[mhhdycx]

After a 41-year relationship (married for 29 years), my husband cheated on me for months and then left our family. I don't believe in coincidences and am grateful for you, Matthew and your team. Many of the posts are exactly what I need and need to hear now.
Greetings from Germany

[NyNy-lyjs]

I don't want anyone Disrupting my Peace. Do I get lonely for male companionship of course! At this point dating feels like a liability and I won't to be responsible for grown folks unhealed emotions and trauma. The gaslighting the on & off again communication. I like my serene space of tranquility.

[LuanaAraujo-mglz]

Girls, Im so proud of myself: i went for a date with a man atractive and we had a nice conversation and he made me many compliments and then he said: I was already married twice and blah blah, I am.just looking for "love" not for "labels".. so after watch many videos of this channel I said:" oh, thanks for save my time and my energy, I really appreciate that.I wish you good luck in your searching" and then I left ... I feel so proud of my self, I never felt like this..

[colleen]

I was duped by a sociopath for 27 years. He destroyed my family and my marriage with repeated infidelities including with his friend's wife. I lost everything. My home, job, finances, some friends and I had to share my children. This predator tried to destroy my spirit and my psychological well-being. After years of therapy, I have rebuilt my life, but inviting someone else into my life again seems like a mountain too high to climb. The good news is, I can spot a malignant narcissist within seconds.

[michelledambra]

Physical relations is not worth everything else that comes with it. Many of us women are tired of rebuilding ourselves after each relationship that destroys us. The healthier one becomes the less options. I'm 56, the odds of finding someone in my age range, that doesn't drink, eats healthy and has done inner work is extremely low. I don't have cable or like loud TV, my house is clean and nobody snoring next to me. We are just being realistic and enjoying our peace. Men benefit more from relationships than women do.

[mishkameow]

Loving how Matthew turned into the Mr. Rogers of dating for this video. Sign me up for more story time with this delightful human anytime.

[lisapardini]

Thank you Matthew. I felt like you were speaking directly to me. I went on a date yesterday that rocked me off my center. After the date I felt depressed, deflated, and in anguish that I may never find my person. I told myself that was it! No more! I'm done! I don’t want to feel this horrible pain anymore. It's not worth it. But after watching your video I realized that I can always come back to my center, my ground, my home, no matter what happens in my dating life. My equilibrium and peace are truly never at risk.

[BernhardJohanRiemann]

Here's the revised version with your addition:

Dating takes time, and it's natural to feel that time spent on failed relationships can seem wasted. Unfortunately, no one can return the time you've invested in connections that didn't work out. However, you can find some comfort in viewing these experiences as part of your life's journey and personal growth. It's important to approach relationships and dating with realistic expectations, ensuring that you never lose more than you're willing to give—including the amount of time you're willing to spend finding someone. Make up your mind quickly if things aren't working, so you can move forward without unnecessary delays.

[krishna]

It's better to try and fail as compared to not trying at all. Yes, there's a risk, but that's the case with all our life choices.

[MsDameQ]

I am at the point of knowing I gave love a shot way too many times. Went out hopelessly hopeful, telling myself I'll be doing all I can so at least I'd know by the end, I gave it my all. I am (presumably) half-way now till the end of my life and now I know this isn't sustainable. I don't have a naive atom in my body left to believe that this strategy will leave me satisfied, knowing 'I gave everything' and didn't waste a chance. Now I'm protecting myself from all the sh*, deceit and heartbreak that is out there. There is no comfort in knowing I gave my whole life my all, my best, sweetest self, and got a ton of shit in return each time. There is comfort however, in living in the realm of imagination, where people treat me like another human being. Not finding out how shitty someone would treat me, but staying happily engaged to my illusions of what could be, is giving me comfort. I don't need another heartbreak to prove to myself 'I gave it my all'. I already did. Way too often.

[Olivia-blez]

Im only 30 but I was terrified to start dating after my divorce. I have found dating very healing. My marriage was the classic story of an older successful man met a pretty, naive girl in her early 20s then cheated the whole marriage. My ex started constantly tearing me down. I used to be so confident and a pretty great flirt. Now I’m a lot more awkward and timid after my marriage.

Recently I’ve been dating a man that’s smoking hot AND calls me out on the ways I’m awkward now in a very helpful, caring way. You learn something new with everyone you date. I think this man is more Mr. Right Now but I will forever be thankful he helped my old confident self come back out again.

[do]

I understand what you’re saying but you may not be in touch with how many people are just TIRED. Everyone is looking for love, but few are finding it. You really have to be lucky to find love IN THIS SOCIETY.

[Teamtikado]

Not dating. I’m 48, single parent to two teenagers. Gym goer, non alcoholic and go to bed at 9! Where do I find an age appropriate, single and available man? I socialise, go out to the community. Online have encountered only creeps!