My Honest Advice to Single Women Who Want a Family

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“How and when should I have the conversation that I want marriage and kids?”

Good question! And definitely a tricky subject for most people. We are told to be honest about what we want, but we also worry about scaring someone off if we bring it up too soon.

In today’s video, I give you 6 practical steps to help you determine if someone shares your goals and timeline, figure out exactly what you want (and come up with a plan for each possibility), and approach these conversations in a natural and confident way.

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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 – 2:12 – Dating When You Want a Family
2:12 – 4:45 – Step #1: Be Clear About Your Path
4:45 – 9:07 – Step #2: Know Your Options
9:07 – 15:05 – Step #3: Communicate Where You Are in Your Life
15:05 – 17:42 – Step #4: Demonstrate Non-Dependence
17:42 – 21:47 – Step #5: Getting Clear About Goals and Timelines
21:47 – 25:50 – Step #6: Be Honest With Yourself About Relationship Progress
25:50 – 28:30 – Brand-New Free Guide: Spark & Connect

[dr.jenniferma]

The person who wants the same things won't feel pressure. They will feel relieved.

[ScentualP]

I met my 10 years - younger now boyfriend when I was 37. I'm turning 39 in a week and I'm pregnant in 5th month❤ I feel incredibly lucky to have met My person without having to have awkward situations where I explain why them I am in a rush to have kids: he just knew what he was getting himself into and was ready to be a dad sooner than later since I'm close to 40! There are men like this out there and I wish to every woman in this situation to meet someone like my partner. I was ready to be a single mum having not met him though- do what will make you happy and complete !

[ZazazaLoo]

I'm 31. I am from Ukraine and now I am starting a new life in Europe. I'm learning two languages and I'm enrolled in university. I really want a family. But I wasted my youth on a man who was not ready to choose me, even though we had many years of life together. It's very hard for me to get attached now. I want that, but I also don't want to be neglected.

I don't regret not having a child with that man. I think it's an honor to be a father and it's something you have to earn. I deserve to be a woman who's loved.

And my future child deserves a good father. Ladies, we can choose a man, but our children don’t.

[majamarinic]

1. Be clear with yourself what the path is
2. Know your options
3. Communicate where you are in life
4. Demonstrate non-dependence
5. When it starts to get serious, then we have to get clear about whether they have the same goals on the same timeline
6. Be honest with yourself about whether there is the appropriate level of progress within the relationship as time goes on

Beautiful

[deliapasqualini]

Honestly, I do think it's better to let things go the way they have to. I'd love to have a serious and deep connection with a man and eventually to build up a family. I'm 42 yo and I consider myself too old for that. Not because I'm old, but because I know how difficult it is. Therefore, I accept life as it comes. I may be lucky or not. Who cares. I live my wonderful life anyway😊❤

[andreacovarrubias]

I did it with the wrong person because I was desperate and ended up as a single mom. I learned that is better to be alone than with the wrong person, I’m committed to enjoy by my life until I find my person and if I don’t that’s okay too

[josiedel]

I'm 42 and single. I've tried to have a baby during my last 2 serious relationships and it just so happened both of them had fertility issues, so nothing ever eventuated. I don't want to be a single parent so the past few years I've been making peace with the fact I may never have children and I'm OK with that. I'm still hoping I meet my person, I haven't given up on love.

[DI-yxit]

I met my now ex at 36. At the time I was looking at becoming a single mother by choice with a donor. I told him I was ready to have a family on our first date. He was too. We got married, had two kids, eventually went through a grueling 4 year divorce. Now I am a single working mom. It’s hard as hell. But I wouldn’t give up my children for the world. Life is messy, relationships are complicated, but if you want a child, if that is a life goal… find a way. With a partner, friend, donor… It will be crazy and chaotic and beautiful no matter how you do it! I wish you the best! ❤💫🌺🌈

[sebnemnisanci]

I'm 39 and I'm always very straightforward about my desire to build a family, have a marriage, kids. And the last time I talked about it with a guy, that I met, he started fighting with me about it, telling me marriage is such a huge risk, and women are always focused on love and getting results, they always have an agenda, not wanting to let things be, go with the flow blah blah blah. Trying to make me feel bad for wanting what I want. LOL Men don't understand this. They just don't. They're always in the "let's see where it goes" mood, and they become aggressive and cold when you want to have a clear conversation. Because you're sabotaging his plans about wasting your time. :D

[DennisDelap]

Thanks Matt, you are the best. well constructed video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[goremoteasap]

Thanks Matt. This is very validating. I had a timeline and goals chat last week with a young gentleman on date 2, after he started telling me what kind of relationship he wanted and asked me what I want. We matched in many ways, but not the timeline. After we parted ways, I smiled at a tiny baby in a stroller and the baby waved at me. I felt like the baby was signaling that I made the right decision. Not an easy decision to part ways when there’s attraction and compatibility, but it’s best to cut things off by date 3 if goals and timelines don’t match. Like ripping a bandaid off, do it quickly. ❤

[KAP]

I am 37 years old, I look younger at least for 10 years, I am economically stable, I have a good job but I have the same problem than Maryam. I dedicated my life to my carreer and my work, when I considerated to have a family, men started to say to me "You deserve someone much better"". I met someone 3 years younger than me, I ended in a third party situation and He left when I lost my first baby ( He was agree to have the baby). Men could be cruel, because even you can bring so much things to the table, then they can say to you, "you deserve someone so muc better"

[jessicamorales]

I am a single mom by choice, and my case was at one point similar to Marion's. What is hugely different is that I was so clear by 31, that just went for it with no other hidden agenda. I clearly learned my options for a companion where not ideal at the moment, I my goal was so absolutely clear. I can tell it was the best project of my life. I was absolutely sure I was able to cover for all of our expenses, and then some.... My age was ideal to take on the challenges of single motherhood. My daughter is now an adult, independent, and she is the apple of my eye. Warning note...do that earlier than later, because it takes a lot of energy, and please please please, ...do not hide agendas from yourself. Best wishes to everyone.

[maladoychelovek]

As a 36 yo guy dating women of similar age, I found this video very helpful. Thank you for this mate. And my advice to all the beautiful women out there is:
1- Do not be afraid to invite your man into such difficult conversations when you think the relationship has matured enough. As men we are usually less mature and we are less likely to bring up any tough topics ourselves. We usually think let's see how this goes and avoid tough topics.
2- Think about and prioritise your goals in life before we ask you what you think. Communicate them to us in a constructive way. Otherwise we will assume either you have not yet figured them out (which will be a question mark for us) or we'll assume you need us and you have the weaker hand.
3- Ask your man what concerns he has about you, ask him to be open as possible. And also tell them frequently what you like and do not like about them. Communicate more openly and frequently. That will help him to not assume things.

[loukia]

Its not about how actually young the guy is, it's about emotional maturity and his timeline, I dated someone who was 50 going on 15! : (

[wmnpwr]

So many of my friends are in this predicament. I myself was too, and decided to get super serious about finding a marriage partner at age 37. Stopped wasting my time on men who weren’t a long term match, and met someone who would make an excellent partner, intellectually, financially and wanted a family too. We married the same year, and love having our family (had my daughter at age 41). Fertility timeline is different for everyone and I’m lucky I could still have a baby naturally then. But many of my friends are doing IVF and other means to make their dreams come true, and I’m so happy for them.

[katiehuang]

I’m turning 35 in a month and my previous relationship ended earlier this year. I decided to do an egg freezing treatment for myself to have less anxiety when going back into dating again and can take my time to find the right partner. The process also helped me realise how committed I am to this idea of having a family because of the procedures I had to go through. I’d recommend speaking with a fertility consultant and have this conversation if having a family is your goal. All the best to everyone who is watching this video ❤️

[joshliam]

I'm a 39 year old man and found this video incredibly valuable, thankful for this channel in general, and think whoever you are knowing what you need in a relationship and being able to communicate it is everything.

[ethanwalker]

Hello Matthew, I’m 20 and was broken up with about a year ago by someone I’d been with for a large portion of my life up to this point. I read your book “Love Life” to find the confidence to date new women, and discovered that I’m the exact person you recommend avoiding/leaving. Reading your book allowed me to become much more honest with myself about how I conduct myself in a relationship, and showed me that I have historically been much more selfish than I believed. I thank you (and my ex especially, for ending my complacency) for showing me what a healthy relationship with healthy communication REALLY looks like, and not my own version of it. I’m not ready yet to date again, because now I know I have a lot of real work to do on myself before I can focus on someone else’s needs. Your wisdom has shown me the path forward, and I am very grateful!

[Ciera_Banks]

As a 25 year old woman, I feel stressed and rushed enough as it is. This is very helpful, thank you! And my heart goes out to every woman out there struggling with this dilemma. ❤