Losing a Child: Grieving the Loss of a Child

[markbradley]

I used to listen to colleagues and friends who had lost a child. My thought was always, I don't know how you cope. Now I know you don't. You just learn to manage so you can function on a daily basis. Even though my son died a hero, it doesn't take the indescribable pain away, ever.

[Allthingslatanya]

I miss my daughter 6/3/20 and buried her 6/17/20. And I'm telling the pain is unbearable. Knowing that your child is no longer on this earth hurts so much

[Codyfree_]

This is just one of the reasons why I’m terrified of having a child. Not only that, but because I’m afraid of being a bad father

[wakeupnow_]

I lost my beautiful 22 year old son in July 2012 and I am no further on in my grief than the day he was taken from me.
I don't know how I am still here.
Thankyou for your channel, I will look through your other videos.
And I am so sorry for your own loss of your beautiful daughter x

[dianeayala]

I lost my eldest son 3 weeks ago to a heart attack. he was 42 years old. It was so unexpected. I am heart broken, and don't know how i'm gong to deal with the lose of my son. I have no one to talk to about my feelings. I talk to a therapist every 2 weeks, but no one else. I miss him so much. A mother isn't supposed to bury her child.

[Alex-dkdl]

My only child died in 2004. His birthday is this month. 17 years later, it still hurts everyday.

[liveacousticsound]

Hi Carl, so very sorry for your loss! I lost my 23 year old daughter who died suddenly from complications of Covid-19. We didn’t expect this to happen, so sudden after only one week. Aubrey died on December 14th, 2020, during the pandemic under the Trump admin. Enough said! It has been almost four years now. I almost died of a broken heart literally after the stress of losing her caused a past heart bypass graft to tear. I barely survived. This was three days after I retired. My other daughter, who was 21 then was having all kinds of problems which came to a head about a month and a half prior to Aubrey’s death. So we were grieving, at least trying to, but very worried about the well-being of our other daughter who seemed suicidal at times. I tried my absolute best to help her during this period. Thank-fully things are better now. Point is, we had to deal with losing Aubrey, along with all the horrible stuff my other daughter was going through. My wife and I are traumatized by so much heart-ache and stress over everything, and just trying to survive day to day. Your comment about feeling like a “dead man walking” resonates with me. I feel like I too died that day. I never thought I could feel so sad and hopeless. Life has lost all meaning. Since that day, the fallout from losing Aubrey has completely blindsided anything I could ever imagined about our future. I have lost all my friends and family, and prefer to spend my time alone, working on projects at home, playing acoustic guitar, and photography. But even things I have always enjoyed seem to be losing their appeal. I struggle to just keep going, no matter what. I watched how my ego melted away. I felt I had no choice in the outcome of this grief. It is as if it had a life of its own that had to be seen to its conclusion, but as we know, there is no end to this type of grief.. This meant having to lose friends and family, and having to rethink everything, and have to try to build another kind of life again from the ground up. I know there is no longer a thing called happiness, for me those days are gone. I don’t expect much from life any more. I don’t believe there is such a thing as “therapy” for grief like this, because the fact is, it just is what it is, a natural phenomenon that feels so unnatural. I have a couple new friends, named death and grief. We are getting very acquainted! I think of all the hundred of millions of people who have come and gone since we as a species has existed, this is nothing new. People have been losing children for eons. This doesn’t make it any less painful, it just helps me keep a realistic perspective. I don’t have anything figured out, I am just winging it. I just miss my sweet Aubrey terribly!

[lindabell]

Carl, thank you so much for your condolences, and your thoughtful suggestion of viewing your video.
Thank you for taking the time to care for a grieving stranger, and most of all for your prayers.
Your words and advice have comforted me.
Bless your heart.
Linda Bell-Shaffer

[shangleonard]

We lost our one month old son Elijah Lee Leonard on 9/11/2019. No words or hugs or anything takes the pain away. But my brother in law is the only one who said anything that made sense. I sat there just beyond numb for days after it happened. My sister and brother had lost their 13 y/o son the January before to a dumbass with a gun. But I'm sitting there with my wife and our other 3 kids and no one is doing anything except staring into space crying. I'm not answering my phone, Facebook, door nothing because I'm sick to death of the "I'm so sorries, it'll get better's, if there's anything we can do's" and if anyone was going to ask us if we wanted them to take the other kids I was going to explode, no I don't we just lost our son why would we not want our other 3 who had just lost their baby brother as well there with us? I just ignored anyone or anything that wasn't my wife and babies. I just knew that my life was over, my final chapter had ended and my book was being closed for the last time. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I had a hole in my chest and I just was not making it through this. Then my phone lit up it was my sister and brother that lost their son so I felt I had to answer. Hey we're here we ARE walking up. No hey you want company, can we stop by no it was we're here we ARE walking up. We're talking crying but nothing still felt real. It was like I was there but the wind could have blown and I would be dust in the wind. Then we all hug cry say our goodbyes and my brother in law aka brother looks at me and says hey it's always going to hurt bub nothing will ease the pain you'll think about him everyday and you'll NEVER get over it but you will learn to live with it. And you'll learn to because you have to you have to because of them. It was almost instantly I knew no hell no my story doesn't end here, my next chapter keeps going and is being written now. If I gave up I was giving up on my family and I was not going to do that to them. This September will be 3 years that our little monkey boy has been gone yes It still hurts like hell. I can't even talk about him without tearing up. Tears flow as I write this. But I see him in his brothers and sister everyday. I know he is a part of them just as much as he is a part of my wife and I. I know he is still with us and he still lives on with in our hearts. It is a pain that stays right there with you. That hole in your chest never closes you never breath right again. But every time I see our 3 other babies I know that I have to push on, I have to pick myself up and walk not crawl but walk and walk tall because right their watching is our other 3 babies. And if I fall and just stay down then they might as well just fall and stay down too. And i just was not letting that happen, if I could get back up after that day then there is NOTHING that can make me stay down. Yes I do fall but I get back up every time. Heaven-Leigh, Noah David, Coleighna Louise Pearl, Samson Alex Ray and Elijah Lee, I love you all more than anything, you all are the reason I get up every day, you all are the reason I push my self forward everyday, and without ALL OF YOU I am already gone. You all are my heart soul and the and breath in my lungs I wish this was never a chapter we had to go through and if I could take everyone of y'all's pain and dump it in me I would and never think a second thought about it. I love y'all and I will always do whatever needs to be done to make sure y'all are ok. Nothing will ever even slow me down when it comes to y'all. And thank you to my brother. I have seen death as if I was a soldier in war I have more people close to me die then most. I've lost brother's, sister's, grand, father's grandmother's, my father, nieces, nephew's aunt's, uncle's, cousins, and too many of my small circled friends whom I consider family over people I Share blood with. I've seen dead people up close. I saw a woman cut almost in half from a car wreck when I was 9 or 10, I stopped and try to help another woman when I was in my early 20s I knew she was gone already. But once we lost our son all of that just seemed like it was nothing. It's a feeling that just truly can not be described and a feeling that stays with you forever. Our children are precious they are our everything, losing one is a pain that I would never wish on anyone for any reason. But My brother was 100l% right. So too everyone in the comments or anywhere I say to you, it's always going to hurt, nothing is going to ease the pain, your going to think about them everyday, and you will never get over it, but you will learn to live with it, you will learn to live with it because you have to! Even if you only had the one just remember what would you tell them if you gave up fell down and stayed down? And those with other kids, what are you showing and teaching them if you give up lay down and stayed down? I does feel like the end of the world hell I wanted to burn the world down myself just because I wanted to. I wanted to wage a war against god or whoever was the grand divine. I was going to watch the world, heaven, and hell burn because I knew that NOTHING could stop me from doing it. I had already been through so much why would you take our monkey boy? Why shouldn't I take everything from you? And then I realized that if I do this then I leave my babies with nothing but knowing that their daddy was a monster and they lost their baby brother. That is not the knowledge I am leaving them. I am leaving them with the knowledge that no matter how big it is or how bad it is it can be beaten and you can stand up from anything. I will always remember this promise to my wife and kids. I will always love you all more than anything and I will always push us forward and I will always lay down on nails so y'all can cross with no harm and I will always get back up so I can do it again at the next crossing.

[LHaywood]

I miss my son so much.. I lost him at 22 y/o on the 5th of this month.. I never felt this kind of pain in my 45 yrs off life.. I don’t believe I can continue to go on without him.. I just want to b left alone!

[lisakovacs]

I lost my teenage son in2013 his name was Dallas SCHULTZ. I miss him so so much.It is so hard to carry on.

[musicmangm]

What I am about to write is the truth. My ex wife had three parents who lost children including her mother which was her older brother. We lost our son and my mother lost my brother. Nothing helps, it's been ten years since my son past and I still carry guilt for my inability to help him. I hope no one else ever suffers this pain!

[jessicalimberatos]

i lost my son on his bd this yr 2020 jan 18th crying everyday its so much pain japinder singh sethi i miss you so much

[susanhallett]

l think this message gives hope to a lot of people. Carl, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

[lisakovacs]

I so appreciate your love and compassion. It has been 3 years but I could just fall apart. It was so unexpected,

[samanthaleilee]

I lost 4 babies back to back. 2 miscarriages 3 months along both times. Sep 15th 96 i had a daughter born 4 months early she passed an hour later. Nov 16th 97 i had a full term son on March 13th 98 i lost him to sids. I was pregnant with my daughter when i lost my son i did manage to carry her full term she was born Oct 98 she kept me going. Then Dec 21st 01 i had my third daughter full term she too kept me going. I hear rude things from time to time still to this day. The ones i should be able to talk to (Family) don't want to help me cope instead i get told things like
1. That was years ago you need to let it go
2. You aren't the only one to ever lose a child
When i had my second miscarriage i was looked in the face and told it's better to lose a child this way instead of later on. When i lost my first daughter i was looked in the face and told See i told you a miscarriage was an easier way to lose a baby. My two daughters and my 1 year old grandson keep me going. No parent should have to out live their child/children. Huge hugs to you all

[handmade-gm]

I miss my son so much, he died suddenly last year ..i love you rob xx

[joyfaith]

My son Nathan died unexpectedly March 14 2016. I'm devastated. I'm numb. I feel guilt. He had mental health issues along with drug. He was 39. A gentle spirit very private person. I'm lost

[amyhohman]

I lost my 22-year-old son and water boiler explosion in 2014 and it hasn't gotten any easier but this video is very comforting I just found it I pray for you too God bless you and yours

[zenobiaoree]

Thanks for the Counseling, Counselor Carl.