What we wish we knew about sex

We clearly knew something about sex before getting married but sadly, most of our perspectives were toxic. Worldliness and unhealthy Christian frameworks about sexuality shaped our thinking as it probably has for many of us. So let's talk about it.

[porshamallen]

“I want to say no and still be loved.” Come on

[fastronaut]

Honestly, I never struggled with sexual sin until I recently moved off into my own apartment a few months ago. The spiritual covering and accountability that I was under in my parents’ house was no longer over me when I moved, and to be honest, I wasn’t strong enough to fight it alone. The devil knew where to attack me. Depression and low self esteem caused me to do things I never would have done before because I wasn’t in the word/prayer like I should have been and felt helpless and weak. I am promising all of you now that I will repent and turn away for good. Please pray for me or share your journey if you feel led. I’m unwilling to hand over any more of my mind to the enemy.

[vynessah]

Normalize healthy christian conversations around sex and relationships. This was insightful!

[christinagoins]

My husband and I had the conversation about using your old sexual experience to please your new partner! You’re literally trying to please your partner with something someone else enjoyed. And get frustrated because your partner doesn’t like it because we haven’t taken the time to learn what we as a couple like! ❤

[fomorekontent]

I'm only 22 years but I've seen how destructive lust and porn has crippled me. As I continue to weep in silence i pray to overcome this heavy burden will be lifted off over my shoulders.

[tiffanymclaughlin]

You also have to realize your spouse may just not desire sex as much as you. Not due to past trauma or anything bad, but simply because they don’t. And if you’re that spouse that doesn’t want it as much, realizing that just as there is beauty and sanctification in your spouse when they humbly sacrifice their desire for sex when you don’t want to, there is a beauty and sanctification when you (the spouse who doesn’t want sex as often) humbly gives themself to their spouse even when you don’t want to and finds joy in doing so.

[walkwithaissata]

I loved when Jackie said “we want to say no without consequences” because yeah ! Really hurtful when there are consequences to us as women not giving our bodies.

[abbywallner_]

“God uses the things we want the most to be hard to help sanctify us” good

[christie]

When the goal is always "your pleasure is mine" and "mine is yours"..it leaves so much more room and vulnerability to be open and honest with each other on what's liked and what's not liked.

[lbee]

Jackie just answered a question that I didn't realize I held for decades. I wondered if the problems in the marriage bed (heart, mind, physical) wouldn't exist if I was pure. It never occurred to me that is a prosperity type thought. But Jackie is absolutely right. Sure we brought more baggage from not being "pure" before marriage but even "pure" people are sinners. Baggage is part of the human relationship. Wow, just like that, one less twisted thought out my head.

[tonikola]

“I don’t think it’s our job to pick and choose how God chooses to sanctify us.” This hit DIFFERENT 🔥🔥

[kyletucker]

i’ve fought porn very hard for about the past year now. i’ve even had a bad time using my VR headset watching it combined with the use of alcohol. as time moved on i got rid of the things that tempt me and set me up to fail. i still fail though. i still go through weeks failing. what you guys talked about with purity culture was great and helped lift a weight off my shoulders. i’m 25 and still a virgin. i’ve never dated someone; i’ve never even kissed a girl. and i worry i’ve become too far unpure that i’ve spoiled my future sex life/marriage. i know though, God wants me to have hope for these things. he wants me to make my life a confession. i’ve seemed to form a perspective on life that is toxic that i hope to get rid of: the black and white battle of staying pure and the hell that you’re in when you sin vs the life that you live when you are completely sober and obeying God. i know this isn’t necessarily a bad way to look at life but it can be. instead of focusing on my own ability to overcome sin consciously, instead, focusing on Christ and his life. Knowing that he is ALWAYS with me. Whoever has read this far thank you. this is part of my confession.

[SamuelaShannon]

As someone struggling with lust, I clicked on this so quick

[marymac]

This is a GREAT conversation!! Salute for your courage and transparency. My husband and I traveled through every bit of the terrain you mentioned here. I was convinced I was incapable of a climax! I had been so abused and robbed of innocence so young…. He thought he knew what to do and I was convinced that because he was “the one” that he would just know me somehow. Pure ignance and insanity at its best! LOL 20 years in and after much work, many tears, very uncomfortable conversations and prayer in an atmosphere of humility and transparency…intimacy is beyond what I ever thought possible!! It was and is work but that fruit though!!!! 🙌🏼🔥🙌🏼🔥🙌🏼🔥🙌🏼🔥 If you struggling don’t give up on eachother. If HE healed ours… He can definitely heal yours. GOD CAN HEAL ANYTHING BROKEN WHEN WE GIVE HIM ACCESS TO IT

[kayl]

“Y’all don’t even wanna cry in front of people, that tells you how fragile you must be” the way I woooo’d! This was a great video.

[channellove]

I am cracking up. Jackie is extremely correct. We do sometimes make extra noise so he can move it along. But it doesn't mean he is bad at sex, you might just want to do the "stuff" that comes after the climax (I don't mean sleeping). Foreplay is part of the sexual experience as well. 15 minutes can be as pleasurable as 60 minutes. Just don't let sex become an idol. "Do not give it more glory than the one who created it."😉

[queengkzi]

I was abused a lot as a child and lived a homosexual lifestyle for years. Four years into my walk with christ I still fear sex and wonder what that would look like in marriage. The idea of a man still scares me sometimes.. thanks for this conversation x



Edit: thanks for the messages. God has Done a lot of healing in my heart and He did reveal to me that the rest of my healing will be found in marriage where I’ll experience through my husband the true love of Christ. I know enough about my destiny to know that I cannot fulfill it without the marriage God has ordained for me.. so I do want it because of my destiny in serving Christ and I know though it will be hard God promised it would be a good marriage. I trust Jesus with all my heart so I’ll enter the marriage out of faith.. I know my husband is a good man and we will work through my traumas

[PJK]

Women do struggle in the same way as men when it comes to expectation and fantasy from a broad perspective. The struggle in a lot of women is the fantasy or narrative of deep romance or emotional connection that he will bring. Both parties must realize that it takes work and time to get to these places.

[carolynfigueroa]

This is the most authentic conversation I've heard around sex in marriage.

[santanapowell]

I was sexually abused as a child from 8 on…… one day my hubby looked at me and said baby can I have sex with you…. Y’all I broke down that healed something in me I dident know neeeded healed ❤🎉