Autism & Friendship

Join me for a live discussion on all aspects of making friends as an autistic person:
- How to make friends
- How to keep friends
- What happens when things go wrong?
- Friendship in adulthood
- Online friendships
- The emotional impact of all the above!

[slimsonite]

I think "blessed/stressed" works! It's kinda like blessing/curse. Tis true when having no friends. No drama but lonely at times ☯️

[krissyk]

I wish I knew how to make friends. I can get along with people at work but I dont know how to make them into a 'friend.' My only friend is my cat :)

[wilburjones]

I had friends when younger but you always know you are the wierd one or the quite one, and thats fine. Im ok being a bit of a loner but you have to get aong with people in the workplace, Im no good at small talk, dont like sport so cant fall back on that and it makes people uncomfortable if Im silent alot.


Some people even try to interact or draw coversation out of you, sometimes just to pass the time and chat and other times they genuinely make an effort to include you. I always appreciate those people, and feel guilty when I cant give back conversation wise. It gets exhausting, and sometimes my mind just buggers off and leaves me to fend for myself. Even when I try to chat if I have the energy I fumble words and ramble a bit.

[entrotlek]

It's really comforting seeing someone who understands the struggle maintaining friendships. It really created alot of anxiety and self blame when you're trying your best but people still get mad at you for being honest. I love spending time with people but it does get exhausting having to act a certain way to fit in. It takes a few rest days or to get your day to day things completed. I've had people drop me or turn on me due to this because they take my legit explanation of my need for time alone as an excuse for not wanting to spend time with them. It's a tiring balancing act.

[TaraBaileyTgirl]

i've had one period where i could manage being in a group of friends. but i was drinking and taking drugs a lot. i don't recommend it as a long term option

[thisbagisnotatoy]

The friendship vs dating example blew my mind! 🤯 It never occurred to me that the reason I’m more comfortable dating than making casual friends is because it’s formalized and we actually formally state the relationship.

[tofersiefken]

Thank you for being a resource for me to understand ASD. I got an initial diagnosis as I was about to turn 55 and retire from a 29 year career as a teacher. I shared your YouTube channel with my therapist and I am learning so much about my confusing and often painful life experiences, many of which stemmed from my individual presentation of ASD, but not understood until viewed through the lens of this new information. Thank you for being an informative and relatable content creator.

[SaRah-]

I don't understand why people have a tendency to fall out so quickly and easily, it's like someone says one wrong thing and suddenly there's this huge fight and next thing you know they're not friends anymore.
My best friend had lost a lot of friends this way when I met her just because people misunderstood something she said and acted like she's suddenly a horrible person (which is very ironic because she's the sweetest, most caring person I know) and instead of letting her explain herself they just stopped talking to her or even turned on her and started bullying her. It took a long time for me to convince her that I wouldn't leave the second she made a mistake.
I just don't get it because I'm a very loyal person and unless the other person ends the friendship, I'll be their friend for life no matter what.

[sharonfoster]

As an aspie and a special education teacher, I protect my aspie students like a mother bear! We are a mixed group of NTs and NDs. When I see my kids lose it over a bully... I get to school the bully and pick up the pieces for the kid in meltdown mode. It's really hard keeping it together to educate both sides. The aspie doesn't understand that they did nothing wrong socially to deserve the treatment. The bully doesn't understand what the big deal is that they responded in an unexpected and rude way. The other day, a kid flapped his hands, beat his chest, and said, "Uhhhh, I'm autistic. Uhhhh." I told him, I have four autistic children, and they are all quite bright. I talked about them for a few minutes as he turned white with shame. He apologized. ALOT!

[roysmith]

Beautiful little black cat 🐈‍⬛ in the corner ❤
They're always so sweet and attentive to your need for comfort and never ask you questions about how to best comfort you, they just do it

[gina]

"you meet someone, you discuss and you tear apart their ideas" ...oh man, this is me

[ColonelForkEyes]

The "oh it's getting late, it must be nearly bed time" one has got me badly a few times as it never means what it's meant to. One occasion, on a date. At her house. I took it as my cue to leave, confused because I thought we were getting on fine and it seemed really sudden. I got in my car and drove home nearly 50 miles and was just turning the key in my front door when I realised she was trying to imply she wanted to go to bed WITH me.

[joycezale]

I get on better with older or younger people. I hardly get on with my peers. I'm good friends with a 92 year old lady. I'm 25. I'm not ashamed of it. She's young at heart.

[soupstoreclothing]

You are so helpful and so needed. I am 23 and only in the last few months am I realizing that I am autistic. I live in the U.S. and I don't have private health insurance, so getting diagnosed is going to be costly and scary. I really want to, just to have that sense of closure I think, to know I'm not crazy in believing I am this word when all of my behavior up until this point in my life indicates that I am. I have been misdiagnosed several times, most notably with bipolar disorder when I was hospitalized after a suicide attempt. I had been on antidepressant medication that obviously made my depression worse, and that was how I ended up in there. I am still depressed, but it doesn't stem from some "chemical imbalance" and more from the environmental stresses of living as an autistic butch lesbian than anything else. In any case, I am so grateful to you for making videos like these. I listen to them while I am working and find comfort in hearing that someone else has had such similar experiences and difficulties in life. It makes me feel not so alone.

[camellia]

I can relate strongly to the one way friendship thing. So important not to further invest if your repeated attempts to support them are not reciprocated.

[lorenhiggins]

I love that you emphesized the stuttering. I always hesitate as im speaking. Its not necessarily a stutter but i tell patients that it is, when i apologize. Sometimes its hard to find my words. Sometimes i forget something i literally had seconds before.
I also ABSOLUTELY love that you keep saying neuro-divergent. I have been struggling for years with my mental health and im indiagnosed still. Ive always noticed that i have different "personalities". One at work, one at home, and one with friends. But just recently i brought it up to my boss that i feel i could be Triss from Divergent. Of course ive never known the definition. I just explained that to her. I think i am autistic. I also have an inkling she might know

[elizabethwales]

Gosh Sam, I wish you were more than a YouTube friend. I relate to everything you say and out of all the neurodivergent people I listen to online, you are the one most like me 😊. Please keep posting on here. Love your work ❤

[Authentistic-ism]

I definitely do that scan the environment and analyze it as I acclimate. I was very deliberately doing it in junior high school, trying to be a sort of Jane Goodall on my own species. When I scoped out the appropriate troop of weird girls I observe them for a while before deciding to try and break in. It was a highly calculated process for almost 6 months at the beginning of the year before I really felt confident to go talk to them and yet I already knew all of their interests. Because I had been eavesdropping for months. LOL. These were the girls who didn't gossip about other girls, they talked about Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals all the time, as well as Dragon fantasy novels. I knew these were my people and it did work. I miss them dearly. We did not keep in touch when adulthood came. Now as an adult I noticed that I behave the same way whenever I enter a new community. I hang off to the side and look for the weird group. Unfortunately they're not so easy to find because we all have to scatter out into the world and some of us end up going back inside to hide as adults like I am right now. I'm very lonely and depressed. I find it relaxing to hear you speak, even without edits. I like to keep videos like these on in the background even when I'm not actively listening quite often because it helps me not be completely consumed by the thoughts in my own head

[euanelliott]

When I was young I made friends simply by just being around.
As the years went by, more and more conditions seemed to fall into place that I couldn't quite manage.
I drifted away from people I had supposedly been friends with, and spent 24 years in the house, hardly ever going out.
Funny thing: none of my "friends" ever knocked on my door to see where and how I was, in 24 years.
That was a wake up call, and today I live in my own space without friends or a relationship, and I've never been happier.
It must be truly dreadful to be needy for other people.
I could live on the moon and not be lonely.

[tamarayoung]

Adult friendships feel business like and boring to me. I want to be more silly, honest, deep, and also helpful. I feel like I help people cause my special interests are helpful but my friends won’t help me with the stuff I don’t know how to do. Oftentimes it’s me who ends friendships cause I attract energy vampires. It’s so funny that I’ll help people in a group and then I think it’s because I can be self deprecating cause I think it’s funny to poke fun at myself, then people think they’re doing me a favor by being friends with “the weird one”