Autism & Friendship 101 | Burnout, Oversharing and more! | Featuring Claire from Woodshed Theory

This video explores the world of friendship through the lens of two autistic adults, featuring Claire from @WoodshedTheory !

We covered so many topics, we had to split the video into two parts, so make sure you subscribe to the channel and click the little bell so you'll be notified when we drop the second episode. (And all of our socials are listed at the bottom! ⬇️ TikTok, anyone?)

Today we're covering communication, missed social cues, delayed processing, and so much more! Be sure to check out the timestamps below to jump to a specific section and learn more about other topics we'll be exploring.

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Taylor Heaton
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⏰ TIMESTAMPS ⏳

(1:16) About Claire
(3:11) What does friendship on the spectrum look like?
(5:57) Meeting neurotypicals at their level
(6:45) The role of laughter in communication
(8:22) How COVID changed things
(9:14) Feeling the “need” for friendship
(10:18) The effects of delayed processing
(11:07) When other people want to join in with what you’re doing
(12:26) Quality over quantity?
(13:20) The cost of friendship/ what we invest
(13:51) Empathy
(14:45) Neurotypical vs. autistic communication
(17:36) Overthinking
(18:55) Feeling like “too much”
(20:51) Getting stuck in our heads vs. listening to our bodies
(21:40) Managing Expectations
(26:09) Talking through what you’re thinking and feeling

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IG: @woodshed_theory

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I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.

I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.

Women are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.

Music by Milky Wayvers ("Mountain")

#autism #autistic #aspergers

[cherylyoke]

A brain that wants friends but a nervous system that does not…wow, yes…I can so relate to that

[tui]

On the false sense of intimacy bit: I tend to be the one that is confused about where a relationship stands after certain interactions. I relive a lot of conversations. There are still people to this day that I think about and wonder how they are doing because they made such an imprint in my brain in such a short time (good or bad). I guarantee these people haven't given me a second thought. I used to get upset about it, it kind of ties into the whole being "too much" for people thing, especially if the catalyst for the encounter happens to be one of my interests. I'll get super invested in this person who then walks away and never thinks of me again. And then in my brain I'm telling myself "oh you were way too much there, they for sure think you're a weirdo" when for the other person it was just a regular everyday conversation with a stranger.

[marshmallowopossum]

Over 40 years on this planet, and today I learned that when someone asks "What are you doing this weekend" they might want to make plans with me. My mind is blown.

[helenayamez]

The laughing thing really resonates with me. In my office people laugh at ridiculous things, too often and too hard. I sometimes think they are being fake, just trying to suck up to people. It's very confusing and I feel like I don't belong to their club.

[dmarie]

"A brain that wants friends and a nervous system that doesn't" totally explains what I've been going thru lately and I couldn't find the words to explain it.

[jenniferschiller]

I can’t do surface talk…it’s painful. I enjoy deep conversations and they usually happen with new people I randomly meet and never see again. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[moleculeninja]

I always have this feeling that I’m too much for somebody. Exactly like you pointed out, I hate small talk, and would rather discuss deeper topics. But then I feel like the other person thinks I’m super intense because they seem more awkward in their communication after I ask a more personal question. I’m genuinely interested and care, but I find other people think it’s prying. I’ve only just recently met a friend who doesn’t think I’m super weird (even when I told her I think I might be on the spectrum, but I haven’t got a diagnosis yet).

[FrugalTreeHugger]

'Participating a lot in your head' really speaks to me. In high school, I would often sit around a bigger group of people. I thought I was participating a lot, but the best thing a classmate told me was "I feel like you don't participate in life." He just couldn't see it. That comment enabled me to interact with NTs better. I love that blunt talk.

[CelynBrum]

I am autistic, mid-30s, only diagnosed in the last year. Something I only realised recently, while falling out with a (now ex) friend, is that I tend to sort everyone I interact with frequently into one of two buckets: "trust" and "distrust". People in the "trust" bucket get the benefit of the doubt regardless of how much sense it makes. People in the "distrust" bucket, I interpret everything they do as hostile or malicious towards me. This is objectively not a good way to determine someone's intentions - but it does appear to be how I've done it my whole life. :/

[schnoodlemommy]

I’m 62 and I’ve always felt different and friendships are hard for me. I also never have understood or enjoyed small talk or why people love getting together in groups. At my gym I was invited into a group of ladies that always went out to lunch and dinner and I went sometimes but never enjoyed it. I would rather be home lol. I loved it when everything stopped during Covid. I quit the gym and basically ghosted all those women. It was just too much for me. I’ve never had a diagnosis but I think I am definitely on the spectrum.

[shelbybutler]

THANK YOU!!! I am intentional about my friendships. If someone is my friend, that person has been fully "vetted", and I am extremely loyal. The heartbreaking part is when that person also does not feel the same about me. Or, they would not actually be my "ride or die" friend. I have had a history of suiting up and showing up in my friends' lives; but, I find that not many people do the same for me. I do feel like I am "too much", and people have even told me that. Yes, finding my "people" is a struggle.

[delaneyn]

about the laughing thing, I think I've picked up on the fact that NT people laugh at everything and I've started doing it as well as a masking thing, so a lot of times I find myself laughing at things that I do not find funny at all. it's to the point where people sometimes tell me "it's okay, you don't have to pity laugh" because they can somehow tell it's not genuine. sometimes though I also do it when I can tell someone is trying to be funny and nobody else laughs because I hate that feeling, and I don't want other people to feel that way.

[lea_]

I totally get what Claire was saying about oversharing leading to a false sense of intimacy. I’ve had people tell me they love me after a few dates and I’m like uhhh 😵‍💫 it’s a hard spot to be in so I unfortunately enter friendships and relationships with a lot of walls up now.

Editing to add that I’ve also been on the other side of this and I’ve also driven people away with my oversharing. Personal boundaries are definitely a problem area for me.

[sueannevangalen]

I love the tip about considering MY expectations first. Honestly, I never would have thought I could do that. I've always been such a people pleaser, my needs and expectations are never the first things I think of. That sums up this entire journey of realizing I'm on the spectrum: for the first time in my life, I'm paying attention to my own needs.

[bink]

I have often inadvertently made people think we are very close early on. I haven't even paused to think if I like them. I am learning to be discerning

[Askalott]

YES, in school I always felt like people were laughing at things that weren't funny. I also felt that way at movies with friends, and I always felt like a buzz-kill. I was like, people like this? Why do people like this? Is this supposed to be funny? I wasn't very fun to go to movies with, lol. It's not that I don't like humor or have a sense of humor, I definitely do, it's just different! I think I find things funny that most people don't. Like sometimes music makes me laugh, and I know most people just wouldn't understand.

[Catlily]

I can't handle too many friends at once.
I agree, I can't heavily invest in too many people. I do tend to be over accommodating.
I have one neurodivergent friend who doesn't overshare. I have to give her lots of silence before she will share.

[CS-xwpu]

This.... explains so Growing up I had a "best friend" who turned out wasn't that into being friends with me. Not maliciously, but she invited me to her birthday party and somehow my broken brain interpreted that as being my BFF, even though she invited the whole class. She was nice to me so she must be my new bestie. Same with my crushes in childhood and middle school. All of that backfired and crushed me and messed me up for YEARS....

[girlsrnotwimps]

I’m 57. Just recently realized that all those things I really can’t understand that caused intense psychological pain are actually due to autism. I sobbed with relief and a whole bunch of other feelings I’m currently unpacking. Your videos have helped me and I thank you. This one blew my mind for many reasons. I am stunned by its accuracy. So much makes sense now!

[cestmoi]

I can totally relate to the laughing thing. I get told all the time by NT people that I'm too serious or have no sense of humor because I don't laugh enough (for their standards). But that isn't true; I just don't have the same sense of humor as them.